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Original poster

Parents visiting please help

12 replies

Flightlessbird17 · 21/03/2019 19:49

Hi I’m new to this so be kind.

I moved to a different county from my parents had a child with my partner and now my parents keep visiting without giving us proper notice it’s not like just popping round for a cuppa,,it’s like 3- 4 days of having to entertain and feed them thankfully got them to start staying at a hotel when baby was born as no space but it’s still allot having them here for so long I was never that close with them but not that I moved away and have my little boy they keep coming for these annoying visits.
The sort of heads up we get is maybe a call the week before to say they are thinking about coming next weekend then they maybe call on the Thursday and say they’re half way to us and coming the next day. We never get given a set date and timeframe . I have tried to say we need more notice and they said ok but it didn’t sink in.

I need some advice please.

OP posts:

BackforGood · 21/03/2019 22:54

I'm not really sure how to answer you.
Aren't you pleased your little one has Grandparents who love him, and want to get to know him and build a relationship with him by spending time with him ?
3 - 4 days quite honestly doesn't sound like that long a time, especially when you factor in their travel time. Then, once you factor in the fact you aren't even prepared to host them, so you aren't even putting them up. If you don't actively dislike them and they aren't abusive (which I suspect you would have mentioned if they were) I am as to what the issue is.

Leeds2 · 21/03/2019 22:58

When they phone you, the week before, tell them that it won't be convenient and not to come.

They don't actually sound that bad to me, but maybe there is a backstory? You may welcome them one day when you are short of a babysitter.

Expressedways · 21/03/2019 23:05

It honestly doesn’t sound that bad, especially if it’s only a long weekend they’re staying at a hotel and not expecting you to host. Based on your post I’m actually a bit sad for your parents. I agree that some more notice would be nice so next time they call and say they’re thinking about next weekend for a visit either say yes and agree exact days, or say you’re busy and stick to it by actually going out and doing stuff so you’re not home when they come by.

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Original poster

Flightlessbird17 · 21/03/2019 23:27

Yeah I know it could be worse but like I said we were never that close lots of crappy family stuff in the past and even up until recently I suppose, and my mum has never been close to me or my sister she could only be nice to one of us at a time and even then it was never the living mother daughter relationship. I honesty think that she only comes so she can tell people she’s been.

OP posts:

Palominoo · 21/03/2019 23:43

Could you turn it into their visit babysitting for you so that you and your partner have some time together during their visit rather than you entertain them the whole time?

MinnieMountain · 22/03/2019 05:57

That would drive me mad too OP. FIL and SMIL are currently visiting despite the fact that DH is about to go away as they dictate when they visit (they live in Spain).

Can you try saying "Sorry, we have plans. How about x weekend instead?"

I get it. You want to be able to do things rather than spend your time entertaining parents who are only there to show off to their friends. I don't encourage my DF to visit as he barely interacts with 5yo DS and the whole visit is really hard work.

TipseyTorvey · 22/03/2019 06:44

This would be an absolute no go from me. Visitors are bloody hard work even when you DO want them there. All the extra cooking, cleaning, laundry and talking and talking and talking. I would send them an email laying out in the clearest of terms that 6 visits a year is the max and to agree all of those dates up front for example. But then I really hate visitors so might not be the best person to take advice from.

Ohyesiam · 22/03/2019 06:47

Tell her to et you know the dates when she books the hotel. Be explicit about needing as much notice as possible.

AlwaysCheddar · 22/03/2019 07:05

Have a suitcase ready so next time they show up you cAn tell them you’re away!

smallereveryday · 22/03/2019 07:16

Another MN parallel universe . Either you like your parents, make them welcome , enjoy the fact that they want a relationship with baby OR you don't. In which case tell them not to come.

The current situation makes you sound like a sullen resentful teenager- who can't be arsed to put yourself out , even a small amount for your own parents.

MimiSunshine · 22/03/2019 07:40

I do t know why people are saying it’s not that bad.
Regardloof the fact they now stay in a hotel, it sounds like they still expect to Spen most of their time in your house / with you.

Just being told that’s happy ending regardless of any plans I had made for that time would greatly irritate most people I’m sure.

OP you’ve already managed to push back boundaries to them staying in a hotel so I’d also be a bit less available.
When they call and say they’ll be visiting next week, just say ok no problem. We’re free for dinner on x evening and can spend the day with you on y day but otherwise we have plans.

Original poster

Flightlessbird17 · 22/03/2019 10:10

Thanks for the advice it’s a difficult situation.

OP posts:

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