Hi,
I have been struggling with this feeling for a very long time now. I was hoping it would go away, but it's just getting worse. Sorry if this ends up becoming long, but I don't want to drip-feed.
I'm in my third year of university, a US college. I am blind and also have mild to moderate hearing loss, which is sadly going to progress as I get older. On top of that, I feel I have relatively different interests to my peers (I listen to different types of music that many people are not interested in), and love to read. I have no interest in partying, drinking or drugs, or even late nights out. I'm on a forum for one of my musical interests, and that helps but it's not real-life interaction.
Lately, most of my friends have been too busy to spend any time with me. I really only have 3 friends whom I can rely on to make time for me beyond a very quick meal... usually when I spend time with others they have to leave immediately after the meal to get on with things I feel I should have more reliable friends than that.
I also need a lot of help in the dining establishments on my campus, hence why when I go there I prefer doing it with friends.
Whenever any of my friends have to cancel on me, I end up feeling abnormally low. Often if we were supposed to be going out someplace, that means I then can't go out anymore either.
I feel like very few of my peers really understand how I'm feeling. They're even somewhat envious of me because I have so much spare time. I don't want to make a big deal out of feeling low when they have to cancel because I don't want them to be scared that cancelling would then set off a trigger for me (I'm always very polite, through gritted teeth when I text back). I see very close friend groups, and people with boyfriends/girlfriends (I'm still recovering from an emotionally abusive relationship), and it hurts like fuck that they're always so close and I feel adrift.
I'm awaiting counseling at my school, but it is a very long wait because they are understaffed. I used to be able to pretend and hide how I feel but now I just can't. I'm not even sure if anyone can validate how I feel. But if you read and get through to the end, thanks for listening.