Do pessimists take rejection better than optimists?

[MontyBowJangles]

Just wondering. Like, if you're an optimist you're either right about something or disappointed.

But if you're a pessimist then you're either right or pleasantly surprised?

As I get older I'm seeing the benefits of being pessimistic more and more...

I like your way of describing that!

I’m a pessimist. I don’t know about taking rejection better than others as I only have my own feelings to go on. I suppose optimists might take rejection in a “one door closes, another opens” kind of way. Whereas I am very much “didn’t expect to get that job/house/prize” (ha! I never enter draws because I never expect to win! ) so it reinforces that I shouldn’t get my hopes up and that makes me miserable and feeling hopeless. Not sure I’m winning on this front.

I'm a pessimist. I like to think I am realist, but I'm probably not! I don't think it makes rejection easier, because it's your feelings that are hurt, and I think it wouldn't matter what you're outlook on life is, that is going to hurt.

Ooh @ILoveMaxiBondi this is perfect; I'm an optimist so can tell you my perspective.

I've recently applied for a few jobs. I spent hours doing the applications, put my heart and soul into them, went for an interview where I was so happy and optimistic I'd convinced myself I'd got the job.

Then a couple of weeks later find out I didn't. And it's hurt me. So now I'm going to attempt to be more pessimistic in life to avoid being disappointed so much.

Like you say - if I don't enter the competition then there's no way I can win the prize! (This is why I haven't played the lottery in nearly 20yrs - I'd spend my millions in my head, sit anxiously in front of the TV on a Saturday night with my "winning" ticket clutched in my sweaty palms...then be crushed because I didn't win! ).

I have had anxiety in the past and there is a real fine line between pessimism and the circle of anxiety

To the point where I’d totally make up situations in my head, emotionally react to it, then prove myself right if that was the outcome. Really draining and absolutely nothing satisfying to be gained from it honestly.

I’m in the middle of the spectrum, so for some matters I am optimistic and other matters I am pessimistic. Both have their ups and downs.

If I’m optimistic and it doesn’t go to plan, I’m initially gutted it didn’t go how I hoped but quite quickly accept the bright side/silver lining and look for a way forward so it goes my way next time.

If i’m pessimistic (I often turn pessimistic when my depression rears it’s ugly head) about something then I am less likely to do it because I don’t think i’ll get it anyway so it gets me more apathetic or even feeling hopeless. But if I do manage to find something within me to “go for it” not expecting to get it then yes it’s a pleasant surprise if it turns out better than I hoped, but if it doesn’t then it just reinforces my negative attitude.

I think even if you're a pessimist, there can be a little spark of hope deep down inside, and it hurts when it's extinguished.

This is interesting. So I wouldn’t enter because I think I wouldn’t win, entering would be pointless. You wouldn’t enter because the feelings of not winning would be so hurtful!

Also I don’t ever think I’ve left a job interview thinking I’ve got the job! I’m always convinced I blew it. Obviously this isn’t true as I’ve had many jobs over the years so I got some of them.

I try to train myself not to fixate on the negative “you blew it” thoughts and use the logic of “it doesn’t matter how you think you did, your thoughts (stress!) doesn’t affect the outcome.”

I'm an optimist and I don't often feel disappointed because I can find some good in everything.

To the point where I’d totally make up situations in my head, emotionally react to it, then prove myself right if that was the outcome. Really draining and absolutely nothing satisfying to be gained from it honestly.

Same!

I'm a natural optimist. Things don't get me down for long because I'm optimistic that the next thing will go well.

To the point where I’d totally make up situations in my head, emotionally react to it, then prove myself right if that was the outcome. Really draining and absolutely nothing satisfying to be gained from it honestly.

Oh my goodness yes! So basically in the 10 days post positive interview (they asked for references and what salary I'd be aiming for, and showed me their computer systems...and I was there for hours...So all the signs were good, I thought?!) All I thought about was me doing the job, childcare etc and I'd dream about it and it was so consuming and tiring. Then I didn't get it.

I am a natural optimist but am also on Prozac for low mood at the moment so finding it harder to bounce back/find the silver lining/accept the cliches friends are coming out with.

Just doing dinner but will come back later, with to continue this interesting chat!

I tend to be pessimistic, and I take it badly I admit, telling myself just for once it would have been nice to have been proved wrong, but no, I was right not to get my hopes up because nothing nice ever happens to me, that’s why it’s been to just accept my life is always going to be like this, chunter, chunter, chunter, moan moan bloody moan.....!!!

Shirley
I hear you.

I'm an optimist and I don't often feel disappointed because I can find some good in everything

This is me. And also because I'm so optimistic about things I move forward with, I usually get them. I went for a huge promotion at work, spent weeks preparing a presentation, researching, liaising with colleagues about different aspects, learning all I could.

I recall thinking the night before my interview that it didn't matter if I didn't get it. I knew that I had given every ounce of enthusiasm and effort and I knew I'd tried my best. If my best wasn't good enough then the person that they would choose would be the right fit and I could sit back knowing the project and promotion was in the right hands and that was enough for me.

I did get it though and I knew I bloody deserved it. Optimism helped, but it's not just blind optimism, it's having a belief in oneself I think.

I believe in myself completely, totally and 100%. If I want to do something or get something and I have that feeling in my gut, I'm going to go and do it or get it come hell or highwater, and that's where my optimism comes from. Knowing that I can do it, or get it because I'm so confident that it will affect my life positively.

It's hard to explain, but that's how optimism manifests in me.

I would say no.
An optimist will think "doesn't matter a better X will be round the corner"
A pessimist will say "I knew I was no good and I'll never achieve it"

My experience of having a db who was very much the latter.

I’m a no optimist through and through. It means I’m resilient and have strong self belief. I know I can do anything I want to do (apart from singing tunefully).
I expect things to turn out well. I don’t worry about stuff I can’t change and just get on and make the changes if it’s something I can do.
Around the corner is a good place.
I expect to succeed.

Autocorrect. I am an optimist.

@Strokethefurrywall (well done on the promotion!) and @CherryPavlova I used to be like you! And I agree it has helped me in life before. PMA (Positive Mental Attitude) and all that. Do you think you were born like that? Are you born with that temperament and outlook or is it something you've learned?

Maybe it's becoming a Mum and having five years out of the work place. Maybe it's knocked my confidence more than I thought. Or more, I was naive about how easy it would be to get back into work.

I think it’s a bit of both. I am innately optimist compared to my own siblings and my husband but I also think seeing intrinsic rewards from optimism builds it further. It’s definitely a mindset as opposed to not having been faced with challenges.
I was almost out of the workplace and certainly put my career on hold to support the family and my husbands career for a good few years but always just kept my toe in the waters of work. That was a bit of lecturing, bit of consultancy and then half-time work to maintain skills, ensure a referee or two and just help when I was ready to jump back in.

If your confidence has taken a knock, I’d look to building that as a first step. Using transferable workskills and just getting back in touch with the world of work. Little successes add up. Do an IT course, do some online certified training to freshen your cv. Find small responsibilities and ways to use your skills again. Might be running NCT secondhand sale, doing the PTA minutes or chairing the village hall committee. Then spin it to move up and learn the language of competency and transferable skills.

A couple of years ago I employed (a bit of an intuitive risk) a mum returning after 13 years out of paid employment and with four children. She was so enthusistic and committed. We worked out a flexible package. She gave more than she received and loved being back in work but doubted her skill and knowledge. She shouldn’t have done; with a bit of coaching about transferable skills and recognition of the competency needed to run a four children household she blossomed. Within a year she was promoted and doubled her salary. She currently doesn’t want to move into a management position but I’m sure if she did, she’d be successful. She’s just such a positive person and an absolute joy to work with. She lights up,room so when she walks in.

I’m a pessimist, I start low and anything above that is a suspicious bonus.

@CherryPavlova thank you so much - you've given me hope! You sound like such a lovely person

So in the 5 years I've had off I've been volunteering at the Children's Centre for 3.5yrs working with children and parents, Secretary of the PTA for 2yrs (I touch-type at over 70wpm and have both publisher and Mac experience), volunteered at the library and now facilitate a parenting course. Previously I've worked in offices for nearly 20years and have an NVQ in business management. Lots of transferable skills I think? But the last interview I went for, for a local p/t admin job, attracted 91 applicants !?

My friends all say I'm a positive, confident, very able and capable woman...but they're my friends so of course they'd say that! As lovely as their hyperbole is for the ego, it doesn't help when you've applied for four jobs in four weeks and not been offered one

Dh says to chill out and enjoy the summer with the kids, so might just do that then try again in the autumn.

Yes a good mantra to live by is "everyone is a complete disappointment."
And I'm sure that could encompass "everything" too.

I like this thread. It makes a change from the introvert/extrovert fisticuffs we usually have.

I think I’d take a punt on you. You clearly have communication skills, leadership skills, coaching skills, an ability to respond to conflicting priorities and are hardworking.

Can I ask what job you did pre-babies? Four jobs isn’t many so don’t be too disheartened too quickly. Assume it’s their loss and move on. Are you applying for posts below your qualifications and ability level, perhaps? You might need to be a bit bolder after the summer.

You don’t happen to be in London, I suppose?

Not London, South West England. I've a friend who used to recruit freelance PR work and said she would have snapped me up.

I've only a few GCSE's and an NVQ2 in business studies so don't think I'm aiming too low at all (p/t office jobs; one in a school which I knew would attract 33,499 applications as was term-time only).

I would ideally like to have a change from office work, as have realised in the last couple of years that I'm definitely more of a people person. I love empowering parents to help their children, but don't know if there's a paying job I could work towards (happy to do any training; I've recently completed a 3-day mental health awareness course run by our Local Authority and am about to enrol on an online/ NCFE counselling course).

Sorry there's been a massive thread derail whilst we sort my potential future career out