NC here. My mother and father have been married for 20+ years. They have both worked up until recently when my DM has had several health problems and is in a lot of pain and only works PT (but really shouldn't be working at all). DF is still able and works FT.
They have saved money (30k+) over the years and my DM wants to fix the house up. Think old kitchen, bathroom leak which resulted in a hole in the kitchen roof (been there a year now), water leaking into a wall resulting in damp and everything is pretty much ruined as it was last updated 15+ years ago. However, my father refuses to spend money renovating. He gets on at my DM for spending any amount of money - he checks the paper bank statements every month and grills my mum on where the money has went. She hates this and dreads it every month. He tells her she needs to 'replace' any money she has spent and always starts arguments with her about this. He spent thousands renovating the garden but doesn't allow her to go ahead and get workmen in to fix the genuine internal problems. I feel for her, I really do. She was on the phone to me in tears today saying that she has nothing and hardly spends money on herself and just wants to live in a nice home. Is this controlling behaviour from my father? How could I help my mum? My heart was breaking for her. I'm 5 hours away but visiting them for 2 weeks next week.