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Original poster

3 kids = hard work, doesnt it?

49 replies

Daphnesmate · 20/03/2019 19:51

I don't want to give too much specific info as it will become outing so apologies if a bit vague but basically I am a full time SAHM with 3 dcs including a baby (2 at school). Since having my third dc, I feel like everything has suddenly become much harder.
This isn't a working mum/stay at home mum debate, this is specific to my situation and I feel like I am currently parenting (or doing some child related activity or housework) around the clock.

DH works full-time, is very hands on with the dcs and helps in the house, can't grumble really but it is just the logistics of things, for example one or the other dc has an activity, there is a push to get a meal on the table before or after said activity, bedtime routine for younger child and if as there is more frequently, an evening activity for one or the other of the dc, I can't hand baby over to dh who is ferrying children about, to get a bit of a break.

I have hobbies I like to pursue (shan't name them) but I literally squeeze them in, so that I maintain something for me, luckily the dc fit around one particular hobby, usually when baby naps and the other two are at school. Breath.

Don't want to hand little one over to nursery etc. no extended family, this is a new normal at least for the time being for me. Younger children are hard work; they naturally absorb time and physical energy and I like to give baby time and attention, so tend to let the housework slide a bit. I am an older mum but I don't think it is baby exactly that is tiring, I think it is running around after the other two dc as well and everything combined. A lot of people my age have older children now and are kicking back, things are as they are and it is worked out that I have had children later in life, in hindsight which is a wonderful thing, I would have had them earlier.
I am grateful to have my dc, very grateful but I want to be allowed to say, this is proper hard work isn't it?
Anyone?

OP posts:

barkinatthemoon · 20/03/2019 20:19

And yes of course you're more that reasonable to have the biggest moan you want about how bloody hard it is! I moan like mad about the stresses of 2 under 4, so I can't imagine the juggling act it must be with a 3rd too. You're doing great x

bobstersmum · 20/03/2019 20:20

I've got three. My dh doesn't help at all and I'm currently quite unwell, still had to scrape by with zero help, but he earns the money so I shouldn't expect him to help obviously!

MissSmiley · 20/03/2019 20:34

I had twins instead of number three! The shift from two to four wasn't as big as 1 to 2 in my experience. My youngest is nearly 9 and oldest 16 so things are much much easier physically but still very busy. I love it so much more than when they were toddlers

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MissSmiley · 20/03/2019 20:39

@bobstersmum that sounds tough
Can you talk to him?

troppibambini · 20/03/2019 20:39

Yep I hear you!
I've had three then when dc3 was 14 weeks old found out I was expecting number four
They are now 14,8,5 and 4 and it's full on. I never bloody stop it's just the organising of everything.
Like you dh is hands on but I'm at home with them and he's at work so the majority falls to me.
We've just got to the end of the busiest couple of weeks and I'm fit to drop!

Happyspud · 20/03/2019 20:44

3 is extremely different to two. So so much harder. I don’t really know why other than the stress of not being able to split your mind three ways. I can multitask doing two things but going to three (for example one screaming for the toilet while another pulls glassware out of a cupboard and another asks for a drink over and over) makes my mind explode.

DrCoconut · 20/03/2019 20:51

Lone parent of 3 here. It's utterly relentless.

Chipsahoy · 20/03/2019 20:57

Wow yes me too! The bit about rushing to get food on the table, before an activity but also a bed time routine for baby really resonated.
My days seem to be laundry, housework, trying to squeeze in yoga, food, go to the bathroom, do shopping etc. Then homework and snacks and dinner and time with older children after school.
Dh is also very hands on and will do loads, but yes it seems hard work right now.

Prusik · 20/03/2019 21:03

You ladies have put me off a third! That's probably a good thing as mine are currently one and two (12m age gap) and I'd love a third. If I thought I could handle the pregnancy I would. But we have no family help and I work evenings so also have no childcare. I don't think it's possible!

littlepooch · 20/03/2019 21:04

Oh god yes I've found my people

I have 3 - a 3 year old, 1year old and 6 month old.

I adore them to bits but it's relentless. I can see it's only going to get harder as they get older with homework, clubs, more play dates etc. I already feel guilty for not giving them each enough individual attention as it is.

I love it when people just blithely assume we will have a fourth - because what's one more when you already have 3

Happyspud · 20/03/2019 21:16

Littlepooch, I have that fourth. 5 yrs exactly eldest to youngest. Actually, I still say it’s 3 that broke the camels back. No.4 is a darling though, if he was a difficult baby I’d feel different I think.

Beechview · 20/03/2019 22:18

I’ve got 3 and it is hard work!
My dh doesn’t help at all and I work part time. He works really long hours due to working with India and US. Then he’s too knackered to be of much use for work or pleasure at the weekend.
I love having 3 though. There’s a lot more fun and laughter with 3 as the balance always seems to be tipped in childishness, if that makes sense.
(There’s also more tears and arguing probably but thankfully it’s not too often)
But trying to juggle all the homework, activities, food preferences and housework does make things hectic.

keeponsmiling679 · 20/03/2019 22:22

Yes it is amazingly hard work, but mine are soon to be all in double figures and it gets much easier, more of a mental hard work than physical in comparison.

SpeedyBojangles · 20/03/2019 22:22

I could have written your post OP! DC3 is 5 months and I have two older DC in school. I think the age gap is the most difficult part tbh. My older DC are 18 months apart so similar stages. Having a baby now is like being pulled in the complete opposite direction. It's tough! We will get through it though!

I work part time and although on maternity leave I have done a couple of KIT days and in all honesty they were far more relaxing than my days at home. Being a full time SAHM must be so hard, especially with 3!

perfectpanda · 20/03/2019 22:28

Anyone who knows me and is reading your post will think i wrote it! Very similar situation. Except I get to work 3 days and that breaks it up a bit. The age gap does make it hard. Poor dc3 rarely has tea at home, we are always at clubs/kids houses etc. I bunked off all clubs this week and feel like we've had a holiday! I expect my older 2 might be a bit older than yours which makes it easier in that they adore dc3. But things like practicing instruments, doing homework, teaching them to sew cub badges onto their uniform- all bloody impossible with a needy toddler.....

bobstersmum · 21/03/2019 07:41

@MissSmiley he's apparently just oblivious to what needs doing. In his own world most of the time, when he's here. He does struggle with depression from time to time so I don't feel I can go too crazy about it. I just crack on and do it all. He thinks I've got the easier job, I used to work 13 hr days in a secure hospital, it was tough but at least I got days off. I have not had a break, day or night for over 6 years now. Hence being totally run down now. Wouldn't swap my gorgeous kids for anything though, they are worth it.

themoomoo · 21/03/2019 07:55

I'm a childminder and we have up to 6 little ones during the day then after schoolies. I recommend it; makes the weekends with just 3 boys of our own seem a doddle!!

ChipsAreLife · 21/03/2019 09:23

Oh it's ok daphne I want to hear it! We have minimal family support and both work for ourselves so It would be a huge juggle but I just really want a third child. My two are now 2 and 4 and I genuinely love doing stuff with them (most of the time) and just want it to continue.

I'm one of five so i know how noisy and chaotic is. My parents both worked FT, I always felt loved and like they gave me time to reassure those of you who feel split

BoobiesToTheRescue · 21/03/2019 09:27

Fuck yes!! And my two older kids are older as well. 12 and 7 and I'm still shocked about how hard it is with three.

The baby is 13 weeks and the juggling is just 😮
To be fair, all three children have medical issues at the moment and all three have countless hospital trips in three different hospitals which doesn't help.

I finish maternity leave after the summer into my third year of a nursing degree so it's only going to get a fuck load more hectic 😂

IVEgottheDECAF · 21/03/2019 09:29

Some days when i have a bad morning with school run and toddler etc i do sit and think, shit, in 6 months there will be a newborn added in to this chaos ...

Original poster

Daphnesmate · 21/03/2019 11:39

Thanks everyone, it is reassuring to know, it isn't just me who feels like this.
That comment about splitting my mind/attention 3 ways really resonated with me, it's like I can split it 2 ways but 3 ways, I just get a bit boggled somehow, it's just the way my mind works and I'm not great at managing stress - the mole hills into mountains thing.
Boobies, hope your dcs are doing okay with their health issues, that must be difficult. My older dcs are a similar age to yours, give or take a few years.

OP posts:

CuppaSarah · 21/03/2019 11:42

It's hard work having three. It's fun, but it's exhausting, there's always something that needs doing. It's been great for mental health being so busy, but I'm bone tired everyday. I'm working part time too and fuck me, it's rough going out to work after all day nonstop. Then coming home to a baby that doesn't sleep.

Sixgeese · 21/03/2019 13:11

I have three DC, love them all but the third was the straw that broke the camels back. There is 4 year 1 month between the three of them and I thought the early years were hard, but now at 13, 11 and 9 it is still relentless.

My husband works long hours so I am lucky if he is around in the evenings or weekends (Deputy Head Teacher and Senior Football Steward at a Premier league team) and most nights there are at least two children doing different after school clubs. Some nights all three have clubs, I think I am getting juggling down to a fine art. I did lose it a bit when I was informed that DH had booked DS (13) into a Scout Camp for the weekend without telling me that he wasn't going to be around to drop him off (camp a hour round trip away and DH had booked tickets to watch England play at Wembley), camp pick up clashes with DD s (9) kick boxing grading.

ShivD · 21/03/2019 13:20

3 is a game changer, new car, holidays are mega expensive, not enough parents to go around etc.

Number 4 was less of a shock, our life was already beyond recognition by that point so it didn’t take as much adjusting.

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