Help!

[TOMO10]

Hi Everyone,

Not one to usually post on Forums but I am currently Stumped

Me and my partner moved into our new home in January. We had our baby born on the 10th of February. My partner is currently not working and goes back to college in September. I am working and I returned at the end of February after Paternity Leave.

My partner has really struggled alone whilst I have been back at work. I work 5 days a week and I am out of the house between 8am and 7pm.

My partner has sensed getting annoyed with DC at times and tells me that she cannot do it on her own any more.

Is there anything I do? If I didn't work, we wouldn't be able to rent our home and be much worse off.

I would suggest my partner to see family but they all live in Yorkshire. My side of the family are busy as I have a younger disabled sister who requires full time care. I have suggest my partner goes to parenting clubs but she said she is exhausted all the time. (My partner breast feeds and expresses at night which allows me to stay up and let her sleep as much as possible.)

I guess I am just wondering if anyone else has been in a similar position and how did you over come it.

Any comments will be welcome.

Thank you

[Edited by MNHQ to remove RL names]

I've reported this post to MNHQ so they can remove your baby's name.

Hi OP

Welcome to Mumsnet! We're a public site (accessible to all and searchable via Google) so we've removed the name in your opening post in order to protect your privacy.

We hope this is OK and if there's anything else we can do to help, just give us a shout.

Your partner may have post natal depression. I think it's probably a good idea to contact the health visitor for advice.

Could you also take some annual leave so you can be home for a couple of half days a week until she's feeling a bit more able to cope?

Would she like to spend some time in Yorkshire? Would she get family support there? You could maybe plan to drive up one Sat, leave her and baby there for the week then collect them the Sat after?
Does she see a health visitor?

Can you or your patner talk to your health visitor or gp? It sounds like she could need some support. She might need to nbe investigated for pnd. It could be very hard for her to admit, my sister ended up having a chat to her friend's heath visitor when she was struggling but not wanting to ask for help. She had support from home start and a befriending service.

Thanks for your messages everyone. It was silly of me to not even consider PND. Especially as I have had mental health issues myself in the past. I will most certainly get in touch with the health visitor and find the best way to talk to my partner about it.

I have offered to take her to Yorkshire so she can spend a week with her family whilst I am at work but she doesn't want to go without me. Even though I am working.

My annual leave dates reset in April so will certainly be taking some days off to help her!

Thanks again everyone I appreciate it.

Having a baby is really overwhelming, especially if she does have PND too. I had pnd with my first baby, my husband also worked long hours. after I admitted I had pnd and got some happy pills, I tried to do a few things to make myself feel more purposeful (I struggled with going from work which I was good at to parenting which I felt I wasn’t good at). I got up and got ready every day - even if we had nothing planned, I fed baby, then got baby and me dressed and ready for the day. Even if I then spent the rest of the day slobbed on the sofa, I did it in clothes and feeling half like a human! I tried to go out every day, usually in the morning - get her to find some groups local to you, rhyme time at the library, under ones etc. If you have a local Facebook page post on there for ideas, with any luck someone will offer to go with her (I met one of my mum friends like this), but if not be brave and go alone - most mums are friendly and it’s easy to start and conversation when you’ve both got babies. I also started scrapbooking - it didn’t last long, but it gave me something to do while I was sat on the floor with the baby. I did some crossstitch and other stuff too, and I baked. Finding things to fill the time so you don’t feel like you’re constantly waiting for the next feed/change/nap really helped me.

Good luck I had horrendous pnd and I now have 3 kids, so it must get better!