DS (8) and The Talk

[ziggiestardust]

So I was a very curious child and wanted to know where babies came from etc at a really early age; about 3-4. My mum always answered with ‘God’ or ‘I’ll tell you when you’re older’. When I was 7, I took things into my own hands and found out by asking my neighbour’s daughter and cousins, and got a my answers... but with some really weird and (to me!) scary stuff in there too! I was so embarrassed and scared that I must have found out a bad secret; so I never approached my Mum for her to put it right.

Fast forward 20 years and I want to get it right with my son. He’s 8, 9 in the autumn and I’d like to know how to start; primarily because he’s literally never asked. He asked when he was about 5 how a baby got out of the Mummy’s tummy, but got bored when I told him that in fact, lasers were not involved. I explained vaginal and caesarean births but he was very bored and clearly not interested. He does come to me whenever he has any questions about anything at all; and frequently says things like ‘so and so said this at school, is that true?’ ... so I’d like to think that if anything had been said that worried him, he would know to come to me. We have talked about the difference between good secrets (like not telling someone about a surprise party or what you’ve bought them for Christmas) and bad secrets and he has unloaded what he has considered to be ‘bad secrets’ in the past.

Does anyone have any tips on how I can get this started? My fear is either him hitting puberty early (I’ve read this can happen as early as 9?) and being worried and clueless, or scaring him off with too much detail. All the books I’ve seen seem to vary between being silly and using stupid names for things and having smiley-faced penises, or very detailed to the point I’m not sure he’d understand.

Any advice would be really welcomed, thank you ever so much

Wait to be asked, or if you start to notice him changing without being asked then you can ask if he has any questions or provide books I like the usborne one "whats happening to me"

I feel this ought to be a child led situation and only give age appropriate information.

Get him an age appropriate book, I think Usborne publish one called what’s happening to me or similar.
Leave the book in his room and tell him if he has any questions then he can of course chat to you.
What year is he in at school? They cover basic body issues, pubic hair, hygiene etc in year 5 and then get the full sex education talks in year 6. He may come home with some questions after that!

Last summer I gave DS, then just 9, the Usborne book mentioned above. He's read it cover to cover, asked a couple of questions, and pushed it to the back of the bookcase.

When my daughter was 2 she started asking questions about this and they just NEVER stopped. I tried to answer all appropriately but they just kept on coming so when she was about 5 I bought her a book, one for younger kids than the one mentioned by other posters and gave it to her. She went through it avidly while we were still walking through the shopping centre – many loud comments along the lines of 'wow Mum look at the size of the sperm' and many sympathetic smiles from passers by.

So whatever you do, pick your moment wisely.

I wouldn't talk about it until he asks.

I told my ds just before they learnt about it at school (year 5 I think). I bought a book which was a bit cartoony to be fair but actually explained things pretty well.

I can’t beleive he hasn’t asked based upon my own children who can’t stop talking about sex 🤣🤣🤣 you can either wait until he comes to you which could
Be in year 5 as that’s when they get the talk at school. However he may not come to you as he may just not be like that- I never talked to my parents. Or you could just sit him down and ask
Him if he knows how babies are made and gauge his reaction. He may not be interested in which case leave it until he is or prepare him that this will be covered in year 5 and you were wondering if he wanted to know beforehand.

Dd same age has the Usborne What’s Happening To Me book and has read it cover to cover. She’s fascinated by everything and asks lots of questions. She also adores Call the Midwife and is completely unfazed by the idea of childbirth.