Almost crying and getting very worked up over minor conflicts and confrontations :(

[loka123]

Crying/getting upset when dealing with conflict or a confrontation

I always feel myself getting very hot, stuttery, something teary, sightly shaky, heart palpitations and very defensive either when others confront me with a direct issue about my work performance or behaviour, etc. or even when I have to voice a strong opinion which is likely to offend a person, etc. (even if it's unprovoked as in I bring up the issue on my own accord)

I feel so weak and helpless that every confrontation feels so upsetting and like the end of the world, especially if it's done in front of other people. It's awful as my thoughts start becoming a bit erratic so I can't string a decent sentence of defence and good counter points don't come to me as I feel so "fight or flight" almost..

but then I'm highly reactive in that even positives make me super happy and negative interactions make me super stressed/upset (almost like a child) whereas I notice a lot of people are cool and composed both when happy things happen and when stressful negative things happen so their up/downs aren't as dramatic.

I just want to be able to get rid of this behaviour sad as it's hindering my health and performance.. any advice? I'm mid-20s and I think it was worse when I was a child but it's still quite bad now.

I used to be very like this. I 100% recommend counselling. I went when I was 29 and it changed my life! All went back to when I was a toddler (not that I realised the importance of it until the counsellor pointed it all out). I am like a different person now (for the better). All the best.

I totally get you op, I’m mid 40’s and thought I might be able to deal with emotions better by now!

I had quite a difficult upbringing, lots of tension and low level emotional abuse, I’ve had to teach myself emotional intelligence but I’m still learning.
One thing I try to practice is when I start feeling like this, breathe, try to count to 10 before answering. It’s hard!

I’m not quite the same but I do cry when anyone says no to me, or I don’t get what I want at work. (I have not cried at home for years, so this is particularly galling). Luckily it doesn’t happen very often.

I was exactly the same as a kid!

I have been like this in the past. When I look back though, it was mostly because the feedback I was given wasn’t given to me very constructively- so I’d say it was actually more my supervisors fault! Can you give an example of a situation that has upset you? It may be bad management is the issue.

I think it’s quite common to be sensitive in these situations, as you obviously care about your job which is a good thing. I have got more relaxed as I’ve got older as to be honest- I care a lot less now about what others think of me, especially since becoming a Mum. Have you been in your job long?

If you do feel it’s overwhelming you could see your GP? It could be a sign of depression or anxiety.

I manage someone like this. She can be VERY hard to work with!

Sorry didn't mean to imply that you are hard to work with op. Maybe just quite sensitive? Counselling sounds like a good idea. We all have emotions and react to good / bad events it's just about getting things in proportion. And demonstrating an appropriate response at work isn't it?

I agree with the point made about it being difficult to manage someone like this. It’s a bit of a handicap at work, to be like this, as well as in other situations so some help in addressing this now would be a really good idea. Counselling or self help would be worth investigating.

I line manage a crier. I'm afraid I'm rapidly growing pretty immune to it now even though I'm generally pretty soft. I just know any remotely difficult conversation with the particular individual will inevitably end in tears.

The real downside is that I'm now struggling to differentiate between them simply being put out and being genuinely distressed.

Thanks for the replies so far. I had a look at counselling but seems like there's no such thing as free counselling or at least not around here -the ones I've found seem to charge around £60 per hour.. which is way too much :(

By the way, just to clarify, I don't actually burst out in tears crying.. I more mean the lump in throat, shaky, feeling very sensitive/attacked, blushing so I can't make my points well as all my effort goes in dealing with all these physical symptoms

Check out Caroline Goyder - I went on a great course called 'grace under fire - the art of gravitas' She has a book and audio books as well as Ted Talks and other videos which I'm sure you can find on you tube. It helped me with public speaking and I think if you practice a few of her techniques they will really help you to keep composed.