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Original poster

Anonymous letter

17 replies

Laylajaney · 19/03/2019 13:01

I received an anonymous letter about my husbands behaviour when he was staying at my sisters empty cottage.It said he was not staying there at night but going off elswhere. Unbeknown to the writer he had just had an affair which I'd found out about. Its a shame because I had started to believe him again.
I have an idea as to who this could be but wonder if I should approach this person?

OP posts:
TheHolySmirk · 19/03/2019 13:06

No.

They sound like every kind of nightmare.

Knittedfairies · 19/03/2019 13:11

What would you hope to achieve by approaching the ( possible) author of this letter? You know he's had an affair.

Original poster
Laylajaney · 21/03/2019 08:31

We had decided to get together again but sometimes argue about his affair.This is why he was at my sisters cottage -to cool off situation. Im disgusted to find that he might have got back with this other woman again while at my sisters place -after all the trouble he has created.
I wonder about asking the suspected anonymous letter writer what she saw. She doesnt know we've had problems and might be genuinly trying to warn me.

OP posts:
Stormyday · 21/03/2019 08:35

It sounds like you already know what you need to know.

BlueMerchant · 21/03/2019 08:37

Very weird. Why is this anonymous letter writer telling you this? Why is it of interest to them and why would they think you didn't already know he wasn't there on a night. It could have been he was meeting you? It's very strange!
I would suspect the ' other woman' if I was in you situation as the letter writer.

HumptyNumptyNooNoo · 21/03/2019 08:37

I'd ask for more info. Then confront him with it.

LorelaiRoryEmily · 21/03/2019 08:38

How do you know the letter writer is not the OW? How can you approach them if they are anonymous? I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s awful

SnapesGreasyHair · 21/03/2019 08:41

I'd have to know more if l could, only then could l make an informed decision on what to do next... i.e stay or go.

Dramatical · 21/03/2019 08:41

Well, you have got back together but still have doubts about his ability to remain faithful. Whether the author of the letter was being truthful or not, your DH has planted enough doubt in your head to ensure you never fully trust him.

troubleswillbeoutofsight · 21/03/2019 08:42

I'm not sure how you can be sure what the letter writer knows or doesn't know. Immediate thoughts is that it's from OW or a friend of hers particularly if the affair has only recently ended. And to answer your question, No I wouldn't contact this person. The only person you should be discussing your marriage with is your husband

icelollycraving · 30/03/2019 09:04

I’m assuming it’s the ow.
Don’t take him back. You’ll be in for a whole lot more anguish.
Sorry you’re going through this Flowers

CryptoFascist · 30/03/2019 09:08

Sorry but the letter is probably true, he'll have been trying to maintain the affair in case you decided not to take him back.

You shouldn't take him back.

Original poster
Laylajaney · 02/04/2019 05:27

I would like to talk to him much more about are relationship and the various things that have gone on but he hates talking about anything conected with it.
He seems to want to forget and raises his voice and just repeats what hes just said .I find this very frustrating and this technique that he uses causes everything to end in rows. Hence his going over to my sisters empty cottage for cooling offperiod.
I was very shocked to recieve the anonymous leter and its the only one which makes it less likely to be a nutter.

OP posts:
morewashingtodooo · 02/04/2019 19:08

You need to leave this man alone.
He's trying to train you like a dog. The letter I'm guessing is true and if it's not then something is up it has happened and that is why you are getting this reaction.
My Ex dp has being doing this to me for a while and it's getting worse ( that's why he's become and ex)
He gets so annoyed and frustrated that I'm not just accepting his excuses and he's used them all, then he makes the house impossible so leaves and has his alone time.
You know what happens next?
I either give up and stop the fight ( he can not just have a conversation)
But when the next issue comes up, the process starts again and constantly gets worse because they just wait for us to give up and behave like a dog.

Thankssomuch · 02/04/2019 19:13

I received one of these many years ago about a similar situation. They are nasty things written by nasty people. As it turned out the accusation was true, but if a person can’t put their name to what they are saying then they are not worth listening to.

IvanaPee · 02/04/2019 19:15

Why the fuck do you want to stay with this arsehole??

Original poster
Laylajaney · 06/04/2019 08:46

I want to stay in the house more than with this person. Im 70 my ex is 72. Yes it all ridiculous but he simply wont fall on his sword and move out and rent .We jointly own house.
Why should I move out ? Ive done no wrong. Ive told him to keep his generous pension so he would have no trouble renting.
You are right Bluemerchant, how did the letter writer know he wasnt visiting me?He could have been. Unless they saw him go in opposite direction to where I live? I just want him to be straightforward.
My sister doesnt want him using her house anymore as an escape from facing up to things.

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