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Original poster

Your thoughts on other people calling a baby 'my baby'

61 replies

Climbingahoneytree · 19/03/2019 09:57

E.g. 'my baby', 'our little boy', etc when they are not one of the parents. Particularly if the mother has had to go through a bit of a stressful pregnancy.

OP posts:
Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 19/03/2019 10:42

I just turned round and said "actually, you'll find she's mine and DHs baby not yours so ease don't refer to her as that"

Harsh but I'd just had enough of it by then.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 19/03/2019 10:44

Blackprisim but she isn't the parent and only ever bothers with her grandchildren on "photo occasions" like Christmas and Easter so she can say to her friends "oh look we had them all here" pretending we're all close when in reality, she doesn't bother with our children or Sil son.

BertrandRussell · 19/03/2019 10:44

“I just turned round and said "actually, you'll find she's mine and DHs baby not yours so ease don't refer to her as that"“
Fuck me-that was rude.

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JacquesHammer · 19/03/2019 10:45

I just turned round and said "actually, you'll find she's mine and DHs baby not yours so ease don't refer to her as that

How tiresome. I find claiming “ownership” of a child as some sort of bizarre attempt at oneupmanship odd.

Not least because you know very well MIL is simply using it as a term of affection.

Original poster
Climbingahoneytree · 19/03/2019 10:46

@thesnobbymiddleclassone the thing is as well, what sounds harsh to other people probably doesn't sound so harsh to the pregnant or post natal women saying it. After taking stock, we then go oooh maybe that was mean! So it's tricky. That's why I come on here to get the views of people that might not be hormonal, so I can see if what is going on in my head is rational, or if in a few months I probably won't care!

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 19/03/2019 10:51

I'm a nanny (childcare not a grandma!) and have probably called all the children I've ever looked after 'my baby' at some point!

Always in a jokey/over dramatic way... 'oh my baby, did you fall over?!' 'oh my baby I've missed you while you were at school!' etc.

I also use about 1000 other terms of endearment. It's never been a problem.

I would never use it when talking about them or in a serious way though. I have no desire to claim any of them as my own or undermine their parents in any way!!

ShittensAndKittens · 19/03/2019 10:52

My parents, sister and I all refer to my nephew as 'our baby', 'our little boy' etc. It's just a sly way of saying "you may be the parent but..." Thesnobbymiddleclassone, this may have been the case with your MIL, but I can promise you, with us, it's not that at all. It's just that, well, we all adore him and to us he is our baby. We all know he's not our actual baby. We know who his parents are, we know who gave birth to him. I guess it's how we express the love and closeness we feel for him.

My sister and her husband have no problem with it at all, in fact they love it. I know this for sure as I actually asked my sister after reading a similar thread on here. They're just happy that their son is so loved by so many people.

All that being said, I suppose it could be harder to stomach if it's being said by someone who regularly oversteps boundaries. We all very much respect the fact that his parents are his parents, we have always abided by their rules, they are the parents, they are in charge. If calling him 'my baby' bothered them, I absolutely wouldn't do it. I do think though that in most cases, it comes from a place of love, rather than seeking to undermine the parents. As someone who grew up with grandparents, aunts and uncles who loved us, cherished us, and treated us as their own, I can testify that this is an amazing thing. I counted my Nana and Granda as two of my very best friends, and it was utterly wonderful to know we had this loving, supportive extended family who were always there for us. It takes a village, and we had a hell of a village. I so want this for my nephew. He's the light of my life. Luckily my sister and her husband want this for their son too, so we're all on the same page.

So I guess that was a rather long-winded way of saying that it probably depends on the situation. Only you know if it's being said with the intention of undermining your role as the parent, and if there's some back story. However I really believe that far more often than not, it's just said because the person genuinely loves the child. Surely this can only be a good thing?

littlemeitslyn · 19/03/2019 10:54

No, you didn't actually turn around 😡

Original poster
Climbingahoneytree · 19/03/2019 10:55

@ShittensandKittens you sound like a lovely aunt and your nephew is a lucky boy to have such a nice family around him

OP posts:
NinnieNouse · 19/03/2019 10:58

I call my niece “My baby” and all my close family consider my baby our baby.

Smileymoon · 19/03/2019 11:03

I think it is nice. They are showing they are interested in and care about the baby. Other people's babies are tiresome. If someone does enthusiasm for yours embrace it. They are most likely doing it to be kind to you.

Palominoo · 19/03/2019 11:08

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest what anyone calls my children as long as my children didn't object.

darceybussell · 19/03/2019 11:09

My mum has done it a couple of times before I think, I don't think I really noticed until I read your thread and started to think about it. I can see that it might irritate a bit but as PP have said, I don't think you should pick this particular hill to die on.

CountessVonBoobs · 19/03/2019 11:10

It doesn't bother me. It's just not a big deal. My MIL and my nanny have both called my kids "my baby", because a) they love them and are strongly attached to them b) it's just a manner of speaking.

Not worth getting worked up over, much less having a row.

derxa · 19/03/2019 11:13

I didn't even refer to my own children as 'my baby'. Grin

StarlingsEverywhere · 19/03/2019 11:13

It depedns on the context - to the baby, no it wouldn't bother me (Gran saying "Where's my little baby?! There you are, my precious little munchkin! Oooo's the cutest? You are! Yes you are!" etc). To other people, I'd think it was a bit weird (Gran saying to her neighbour "I took my baby to the park yesterday").

melissasummerfield · 19/03/2019 11:16

How can this even be remotely irritating? It must be lovely to have nothing else in life to worry about or dwell upon for this to be a big deal to you!

Original poster
Climbingahoneytree · 19/03/2019 11:18

How can this even be remotely irritating? It must be lovely to have nothing else in life to worry about or dwell upon for this to be a big deal to you!

That's an awfully big assumption to make about somebody you don't know.

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 19/03/2019 11:19

I never had any thoughts about it, it's very common in my family and among all the people I know. Then I joined Mumsnet.

Now I notice it and think I it's lovely.Smile

VelvetPineapple · 19/03/2019 11:24

It's just a sly way of saying "you may be the parent but..."
I greatly doubt that my own beloved mother who has always put me first at her own expense, is suddenly trying to diminish my importance as a parent. She just adores her grandson. I don’t have a problem with her calling him “my baby” or “my little man” etc. And I don’t mind random people in the street calling him “son” or “sonny”. It’s a phrase and nobody is deluding themselves that they gave birth to him!

(I would be miffed if MIL said it though. But that has more to do with my hatred of her than anything else. If I liked MIL I’d probably be fine with it).

3ChangingForNow · 19/03/2019 11:28

Other people love your child. Your child is not your possession.

babysharkah · 19/03/2019 11:30

My mum and mil did this all the time. Inwardly it gave me the rage although I never said anything.

HarrySnotter · 19/03/2019 11:48

My mum and MIL also always called DS 'my special little boy' 'my boy' and it never bothered me. They were just showing affection for him, I've no idea why that would be a problem.

Chocolateheaven123 · 19/03/2019 12:00

I'm weird. My dad has a nickname for DS and rings every day to ask "how's my little rascal?" I find it endearing as he adores his grandson. However, my mum refers to DS as "my baby" but she has major boundary issues and can be quite possessive of him at times, and not always with his best interest at heart (used to want to show him off to her colleagues when he was tired/grumpy/wanted me) so it does irritate the hell out of me but I just leave it go. She also says "he's Granny's boy" and I'm thinking nope, he currently allllll 'daddys boy' at the moment!

picklemepopcorn · 19/03/2019 12:01

Don't worry, eventually you'll be only to pleased to say to DH "he's your son, you get up with him". Grin

If you really want to change the dynamic, talk about their actual relationship. So "here's your darling baby nephew" "here's your bestest auntie"

You need phrases that capture all the warmth of 'my baby', but refer to the special relationship they have. Lots of people don't use 'Aunty Madge' anymore, which I think is a shame. There are very few people who can call me Aunty Pickle, and most of them don't!