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Original poster

Your thoughts on other people calling a baby 'my baby'

61 replies

Climbingahoneytree · 19/03/2019 09:57

E.g. 'my baby', 'our little boy', etc when they are not one of the parents. Particularly if the mother has had to go through a bit of a stressful pregnancy.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 19/03/2019 10:02

Perfectly fine. Babies belong in families. It doesn’t mean she thinks it really is her actual baby.

Myusernameismud · 19/03/2019 10:05

I've just become a great aunt, and whenever I call my nephew or his girlfriend to ask how the baby is I ask 'how's my little ?'

They don't have a problem with it, nor has anyone else within my friends or family. I think it's just natural. My DMum still calls DS 'my baby' and he's 10 Grin

ILiveInSalemsLot · 19/03/2019 10:06

It can be very irritating but everyone knows that it’s actually your baby in that you’re the one who gave birth and is responsible for their care.
If others love them and want to ‘claim’ them with words, I’d leave them to it.
It’s not worth dwelling on.

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Families
Snowflakes1122 · 19/03/2019 10:06

What does the facy the pregnancy was stressful have to do with it? Confused

It wouldn’t bother me. In fact, the in laws have done it thinking about it.

Is there a back story making you annoyed by this seemingly innocent act?

SnuggyBuggy · 19/03/2019 10:08

I'm not bothered by "our little boy", "our kid" was a normal term on my mum's side to refer to a firstborn. "My baby" coming from someone not a parent to the child is weird.

Tolleshunt · 19/03/2019 10:11

My father calls my DD 'my baby'. I like it, and see it as an expression of his love for her, rather than anything of a territorial nature beyond affirming her place in the family.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 19/03/2019 10:11

It irritates me in the same way I hate it when my DH would say "we're pregnant" he wasn't pregnant I was.

It's just a sly way of saying "you may be the parent but..." and I think that's rude. My Mil would call my eldest her baby girl until I pointed out that she was mjne and DH baby girl. She stopped and hasn't dared done it with our second.

Original poster
Climbingahoneytree · 19/03/2019 10:12

What does the facy the pregnancy was stressful have to do with it?

If there have been potential complications or anything that has been hard to deal with at times, and family members who adopt the 'my baby' reference haven't been that good at remembering things, it is only natural that this would probably impact the way somebody feels about the my baby reference.

OP posts:
Thatisme · 19/03/2019 10:15

I don't see the problem with it, in fact I think it shows love and care. My mum and my sister call both my children that and I think it's sweet.

Original poster
Climbingahoneytree · 19/03/2019 10:15

@thesnobbymiddleclassone how did you go about saying that at the time out of curiosity?

OP posts:
BlackPrism · 19/03/2019 10:18

V normal in Yorkshire - everyone is 'our susan' or 'my babies'.... they are mine, they're my family, they're my pack. If they start calling themselves mummy then that is weird...

@Thesnobbymiddleclassone I think you were utterly horrible saying that to your MIL. Nasty and probably very upsetting for her, you basically said that as she's not the parent she doesn't matter and has little relevance to the child.

BertrandRussell · 19/03/2019 10:19

“It's just a sly way of saying "you may be the parent but..." and I think that's rude. ”
Oh don’t be silly.

Original poster
Climbingahoneytree · 19/03/2019 10:22

I think you were utterly horrible saying that to your MIL. Nasty and probably very upsetting for her, you basically said that as she's not the parent she doesn't matter and has little relevance to the child.

This is why I'm curious as to how it was said. It could come across nasty if it was blunt, but it could also come across as just asking somebody to call them their grandchild (in thesnobbyones circumstance) rather than their baby. I don't think that means they have any less relevance to the child as a relative - GP relationships are important and something children should be encouraged to have.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 19/03/2019 10:22

OP- you don’t have to like your mil-I don’t like mine much. But she is your baby’s grandmother and, unless there is a massive backstory, it’s better that they have a loving relationship than if they don’t. So pick your battles. This isn’t a hill to die on.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 19/03/2019 10:23

I don't think anyone has forgotten that they didn't actually give birth to said child. It's just a term of affection.
That said, I don't like men saying "we are pregnant".

Motherofcreek · 19/03/2019 10:24

It irritated the fuck out of me. I too had a awful birth and it did impact how I felt about it. I felt only I had endured that horrific experience and my baby was mine - no one one else’s. I was very territorial.

HOWEVER. It was something I’m glad I recovered from. My mind set changed when I started healing. If you have normal sane people saying this - let them. Children flourish when the have loving family outwardly showing their love for them.

Original poster
Climbingahoneytree · 19/03/2019 10:24

This isn't about my MIL Confused that's why I just asked what people thought of it

OP posts:
Original poster
Climbingahoneytree · 19/03/2019 10:26

My mind set changed when I started healing. If you have normal sane people saying this - let them. Children flourish when the have loving family outwardly showing their love for them.

An important point actually, and well said

OP posts:
BookClubBlues · 19/03/2019 10:27

Honestly? I think if you’re worrying about THIS now, you are going to have a hell of a stressful time as your baby grows up. In the grand scheme of things, it’s really not a big deal. I’m sorry if you had a stressful pregnancy but maybe you need counselling to deal with this, if it is manifesting in getting annoyed about people’s casual choice of words!

mrsdavys · 19/03/2019 10:27

I think it’s sweet and shows a level of affection much like terms of endearment. To my mind, it doesn’t matter how bad the pregnancy/birth is and it doesn’t mean that the family are overlooking the role of the parent. It’s just an affectionate thing.

NakedBrainStrollingInManhatten · 19/03/2019 10:28

My best friends call DD "our girl" or "our precious dds name" it actually never bothers me because they are so close with her and DD likes to feel like one of the grown up girls.

However, it does bother me when my grandma or FIL calls DD their baby because they make absolutely no effort to see us or have anything to do with her until they want to show her off.

CaseofEllen · 19/03/2019 10:35

Well I think it depends on the context, sometimes it can be said in a patronising/overbearing way.

Tink1990 · 19/03/2019 10:37

I say to my friends little ones "my baby". Its just a way of showing affection as far as I'm concerned. I dont go around describing them as "my baby" to other people though! I

ijustdontunderstandher · 19/03/2019 10:40

I think it completely depends on the context, for e.g, if my MIL called and asked how ‘her baby’ was I’d have no problem about it, however if she was telling friends about ‘her baby’ I’d be a little annoyed. Because it isn’t her baby. I don’t know why it would bother me but it would

JacquesHammer · 19/03/2019 10:42

What does it matter?

It doesn’t negate the role of mother. I can’t think of any negatives for babies surrounded with loving families.

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