Scared to send son on school ski trip

[BigCoat]

My son will be in y9 next year. He has the chance to go skiing with school next year in Italy and really wants to go.

Financially it will be tight, but I want my children to enjoy new experiences and adventures. He's been abroad with school a couple of times and I've not batted an eyelid. Until now.

I don't know anything about skiing and I feel sick at the thought of him going on this particular trip and he is completely new to skiing.

I suffer from anxiety and I've tried hard not to project my fears on him throughout his life. I don't fly myself anymore and I am also very nervous on motorways, but have made sure that he has flown and I have never spoken of my phobia.

He's quite an uncoordinatedchild at times and I have visions of him getting trapped on a ski lift (stupidly Googled this and a school boy died that way in 2014) or falling off a mountain.

Other deaths/accidents I am aware of relating to skiing fly into my head. It seems like such a dangerous pursuit - my old boss had a terrible injury as a result of skiing.

I know I am being irrational but don't know how to relax. I genuinely know nothing of skiing or how big the risks are. It feels like there are so many dangers, from the ski lift to the cliff faces.

Also, I wonder if this type of holiday is really special - I want to know what's so great about it. I'm disappointed by my ignorance and fear of the unknown.

Oh and if anybody kindly replies and I don't reply until morning, it's because I just saw the bloody time and realised I need to get to sleep, but this was on my mind....

Look at how many 100000000s children go skiing each year then look at how many are injured. You have to realise the vast majority are fine.

If you don’t let him go he’ll grow up resenting you and you’ll loose him forever.

Just talk to him about safety and get him to promise to stay within any rules you set and in return you’ll agree he can go. He’ll have a great time.

He’ll love you even more if you say to him ‘I’m so nervous about you going, but I realise you want to go and therefore I’ll support you and want you to enjoy it. But please in return can you promise me (you’ll not do (whatever rules you want to set here)).

I went skiing in year 9. Hated it and ended up sat with the teachers for 4 days. I couldn't figure out how to stop The instructor kept shouting snow plough at me.

Anyway. I get it OP. I have mad anxiety. Luckily my kids haven't wanted to do the abroad trips.

He’ll love it, let him go. Re dangers it’s most unlikely anything will happen , in school care particularly they have to take extra care. They will presumably be having tutition the whole time and he in good hands. The fresh air, blue sky, sun on your face, cozy clothes, amazing views & sensation of being in the middle of all the beautiful, natural world is fabulous & the feeling of just moving ( albeit it very slowly on a gentle incline rather than slope) is so exhilarating & liberating you feel you could burst with happiness is how it makes you feel- don’t feel your inability to go before your son should A) stop him or B) stop you from trying in future. You don’t have to ski- get a guide to take you on a snow shoe walk to get the views. The exertion makes you really enjoy having an appetite & the air makes you sleep so soundly - it’s fab

I think it's a grin and bear it situation: behind the scenes make sure you gave sensible friends and family to listen to you, to your DS be encouraging.

He’ll be in lessons and the instructors will show him how it’s safely done- the skiing and the lifts. My 7YO neice can manage the chairlift unaided, it’s pretty easy. We’re avid skiers and I know of a few injuries in our circle but they’re really rare, not especially serious (our boarder friend broke her wrist for instance) and honestly I’ve heard of worse from other sports, rugby especially!

I went skiing with school at that age and it was absolutely brilliant. I was never good at school sports but found skiing a million times easier and more enjoyable. Plus it's really beautiful in the mountains and great fun being there with friends.

I have been skiing since as an adult and having learnt as a child really helped me. Serious accidents are v rare. Let him go!

Talk to the teachers about safety. He may hate it if he isn't very coordinated so find out what the plan is for that.

Oh and as a beginner he won’t be near any slopes with cliff drops. It will be a great experience for him.

My gawky, un-sporty, unco-ordinated ds went on a school ski trip in Y9. He loved it. As did I, when I was a gawky, un-sporty, unco-ordinated Y9. The great thing about skiing is that you don't have to be hugely good at it, or fast, to feel the rush and really enjoy it.

They all had to wear helmets, even on the nursery slopes. The first-timers began on the nursery slopes and didn't go anywhere steeper until they were competent. Nobody was allowed to ski anywhere alone.

In the 15 or so years that ds's school has been running ski trips, they have had a handful of sprains. No broken bones, no concussions.

Let him go. It's a wonderful adventure.

Reasons for going: It's just wonderful! Blue skies, piles of pristine snow, jaw dropping scenery, loads of fun, learning a new sport, fun with his friends, friendly Italians, yummy Italian food etc

Safety fears: he's a beginner so will be very closely supervised; everyone wears helmets; he will be on the nursery slopes and easier runs at all times (no cliff edges etc); that ski lift accident was a very rare, freak accident involving a backpack; the horrid ski accidents you read about are usually off piste type things involving steep drops, hidden rocks in ungroomed snow, avalanches etc - NO WAY will he be off piste as a beginner. Injury wise the most common regular ski injuries are things like sprained knees - not nice but not life threatening.

I'd let him go BUT if you really don't want to that's ok too.

pantsomime I can feel the wind on my cheeks from your post !!
Op - let him go. He’ll be back before you know it either full of how brilliant it was or how he doesn’t need to go again. Win win.

I think when you consider how many people ski the vast majority don’t sustain serious injuries. I definitely think he should go and I’m sure he will be given instruction and only allowed in areas suited to his ability. You need to remember that people can have terrible accidents doing all sorts of everyday things. I have a friend that dislocated her knee putting on a pair of jeans!

Thanks for your comments and reassurances, I think I'd be that pp who would be sat with the teacher all week (but that's me, not him). I know school will have risk assessed this, it's just when you're as neurotic as me, fact and statistics seem to go out the window.

The trip includes tuition on the dry slopes here, so at least he'd be able to stop etc. and do some basics. He wanted to pop to try a lesson this weekend so if he didn't like it he could cancel.

He's so excited and I don't want him to resent me.

I know I'm being unreasonable and that I need to let him go and stop wrapping him in cotton wool. I suspect I'll feel that same fear when he wants to learn to drive and then drive himself on the motorway. It's my anxiety, not his.

I think you are very insightful to understand that. Good luck with waving him off!

I love skiing and ski regularly with my kids but I completely understand your worries. Every time I hear about a tragedy I feel sick and think that could be one of mine.

But rationally I know that it is very very unlikely.

I saw a horrible accident this year; a woman was hit by the ski lift. However, she foolishly pushed through the barrier as it was closing.

While bumps, bruises and the odd sprain and break do happen. The bigger accidents usually involve people who take stupid risks.

Skiing is actually super friendly. If you fall someone will pick you up, the lifts are manned and they help the beginners on and off, the instructors know what they are doing and you don't progress until you are ready. You will be amazed how competent your ds will be after just 1 week.

I would let him go but have a good chat about piste safety. Follow the rules, always wear your helmet and listen to the instructor.

Ps my dd is uncoordinated (couldn't ride a bike until she was 9) but she was skiing at 6. It's a great sport for the uncoordinated as falling over in snow is actually not too unpleasant

A motorway is the safest type of road - statistically really really few accidents and deaths

Country roads are the worst, followed by roads in towns.

Look at facts not fears

You sound such a lovely mum.

I would be nervous too - I haven't been skiing either and it does sound scary. But as others have said he isnt going to be let loose. He will be much safer than the kid who skis a bit and keeps pushing it (tho in a school trip I imagine they are pretty controlled about what slopes they can do).

Dont be afraid to ask the teacher in charge questions. They will be happy to reassure you.

He will either love it - great! - or hate it and spend the time making snowmen. Either way he will have learned something.

Well done for battling your own difficulties. My parents never did and its left me with a raft of shit to deal with.

I think we all have concerns when our children go off into unfamiliar and potentially high risk situations. A school ski trip is likely to be quite low risk compared to what he’s likely to do later on.
Let him go with your (brave) blessings. Be pleased and proud that he hasn’t developed the same level of anxiety. Wave him off cheering for him to build his confidence, to understand his abilities and to create fantastic school memories.

I have anxiety problems and dread this too, although luckily (!) cost will probably prevent our DC skiing at that age,l!

As you say, you want to minimise the impact your MH issue has on him. So you will need to manage your anxiety before he goes and while he’s away, or struggle, I know I do!

Also suggest working on flying - I have - you not flying will affect him too, and he will notice.

DD(14) went at half term. She was increasingly anxious all week, especially as the one girl from her peer group who had signed up dropped out.
She LOVED it, and has asked to go again next year.
It isn't somethign we will ever do as a family and the school trip is a great way to try skiing when everything is taken care of for you: from skiboot fitting and helmets to all meals. They spend every morning in ski school, split by experience level, and are physically exhausted (which is a good thing for my sluggish teen at least). They were really well supervised: one of the groups had a skischool instructor who was a bit off with them on the first day: by the second day the teachers on the trip had insisted he was moved.
It's a long way from home and all your concerns about that are well founded, but if he (and you) were Ok with his other overseas school trips there is nothing more to worry about with a skiing trip. Based on our experience (3/5 of ours have been, with 3 different schools), I'd heartily recommend it.

He will be with instructors in a group. Newbies are not going to be let loose anywhere that they. Oils 'fall off' the mountain. Millions ski every year. Yes, some poor kid a bunch of years ago might have died in a ski lift debarkle but if you think like that you wouldn't do anything. Not even eat as you might choke. People have keeled over and died of cardiac arrest doing a poop. Genuinely excited may love it.

Look at how many 100000000s children go skiing each year then look at how many are injured

Quite a few, actually. Ski-ing is dangerous. What surprises me is all the people who sign up for the London marathon, put in all that training, and then go ski=ing and hurt themselves. For example: newsreader Sophie Raworth (a very good runner) is injured at the moment after a ski-ing accident.

An ex colleague was killed in a skiing accident.

There's no need for school ski trips. However, I take the point that a beginner is highly unlikely to get into a difficult situation or do anything really bad to themselves.

Can't get over the feeling that ski-ing is just a British middle class status symbol thing though (unless you live in Scotland). Very different if you are southern German or Norwegian, for example.

Skiing is no more dangerous than most other sports. The problem is when people go outside their skill level, ski too fast, on slopes they aren't good enough for.
Those that 'fall off cliff faces' or get killed by avalanches are mainly those that have ignored the warnings or are skiing off-piste.

Skiied for 25+ years. Yes, we've had some accidents, but the only serious injury was on someone who was showing off and skiing like a maniac.

Beginner runs are wide, flat and smooth. The lifts are usually button lifts or chair lifts which are very safe.

My mum and dad scrimped and saved for me to go on a school ski trip at about the same age and it sparked a life-long love of skiing. I have such fond memories of that trip. I've been skiing pretty much every year of my adult life and taken my own kids since they were about 2. He will be really well looked after. As a beginner, he will start off on uber-safe nursery slopes and is unlikely to go on a chairlift (not that these are a problem). Yes, he could have an accident, but he's statistically much more likely to have one on the way to school. It is understandable for you to be anxious as it's something you've never done yourself but your vision of cliff faces etc is far from the sort of ski domain he will be exposed to as a beginner. Please let him go, please try not to worry.