How on earth do I discipline a two year old?

[whereamigoingwrong]

Exactly that how? He laughs at me when I tell him off and screams and cries until he's sick if I put him in his room.

A firm no. Remove them from doing whatever they are. I just put him in one place. And walk away. I am only a few feet away. And say in a calm voice: Mummy is cross with you because you did X. When you are calm we can have a hug.
Rinse and repeat and pretty much never give in.
Keep the telling off to a minimum- have a list of rules and keep it short. Ours is ‘we do not hit’ and ‘we do not throw’ and ‘we do not scream’ followed by ‘you don’t get what you want if you scream.’
Repeat repeat repeat these rules when they are calm and playing. And always always follow through.
For more minor stuff I would distract. Keep the telling off for the major stuff.

Don’t use his room as a punishment
You want him to see it as a safe happy place

look up Naughty Step from Jo Frost. a minute for each of their age-year, so in his case 2-minute time out.

It worked a treat with us.

You cant discipline them. They wont remember what they've done they just get upset and confused. All you can really do with a 2 year old is say there and then 'NO' and give a brief simple explanation whilst looking in their eyes like 'We dont hit people because it hurts them' and then distract them from whatever it was that they were doing wrong.
It's too young to do any further punishments because they wont have a clue what is going on... that would just make them anxious and more likely to behave even worse.

I find with my 2yo, that the more attention I give bad behaviour, the less of a fuck he gives when he’s told off.
I try to say as little as possible to acknowledge the behaviour, remove him from the situation or remove the offending object etc with a firm “No”. If he does it again, he gets a warning about going onto “the step”. If he still does it, I place him on “the step” and he realises at that point that he’s in trouble.
2 year olds are hard work OP They begin to understand more with time and consistency. It took a while, but my DS now knows that I mean business when he’s put on the step. And he’s seen his sister who is 3, receive the same treatment and she is waaaaaay more dramatic about it, so he’s realised the step is not a good place to be DD acts like I’ve just murdered a kitten before her very eyes if she’s sent to the step It is literally the end of the world to her!

@PotolBabu thank you will put this in action today.

@Ribbonsonabox I've been thinking this myself he is to young but it's just getting out of hand he just doesn't listen.

We've tried naughty step he just keeps getting off.
Also he won't eat his dinner so I give in and let him have crisps and biscuits because I'm worrying that he's starving and he's already so skinny.

Of course a two year old can remember. They're not cats.

Discipline does need to be immediate and in context.

You need to be fair and consistent.

If you want to do the naughty step yo need to enforce the naughty step. If he gets off and you go "ok then" it'll never work.

If he gets snacks when he doesn't eat his dinner he k Lea he doesn't need to eat his dinner.

You need to think what boundaries you want to set and what you want to enforce.

Nothing will work if you don't stick at it, if you're going to do the naughty step you have to keep putting him back there until he stays. If he won't eat his dinner don't reward him with biscuits, give him something boring like porridge or plain toast if you're worried he's not eaten enough in the day (but not straight away after refusing dinner).

Also he won't eat his dinner so I give in and let him have crisps and biscuits

That's not him being naughty, that's you having no boundaries. I wouldn't eat my dinner if I could have biscuits and crisps instead, with no consequences.

Get the crap out of the house and say "sorry, there aren't any". Be consistent.

If he's getting off the naughty step then put him back on! Be patient... this too will pass

I have an almost three year old. They need firm boundaries at this age, as they are ripe for pushing them as hard as they can!

You can't 'discipline' them like an older child. We don't shout or hit (obviously).

What I do is an immediate, very firm, 'no' to whatever she's doing wrong, move her away and I tell her why 'no, that's dangerous, it'll burn you' etc.

If she kicks off as a result I ignore it and let her get on with it. Always offer a cuddle but I don't tell her off for it or try to make her stop.

If she's really bold/continues with the behaviour I will warn clearly once, then remove a toy for the rest of the day (and do follow through for the whole day or they'll just laugh in your face next time!).

Getting down on their level helps, as does speaking in a low stern voice, firmly but without shouting. You want them to pay attention, but not out of fright.

Agree to bedroom not being a punishment, it needs to be a happy place or you're setting yourself up for bedtime problems. Have another space in your house if that's the approach you want to take.

As for food, no way would I allow crisps etc. If dinner if refused then it's boring filler food like toast or yoghurt, that's it. If they don't eat it then tough luck (and my DD is fussy, and a pest for food but honestly pandering to it does not help!).

Agree with @TeaforTwoBiscuitOrThree I have found this really effective for my 16 MO I don't usually have to actually make him go the 1/2/3 warnings are sufficient. He doesn't like to be alone .

Consistancy.

What ever you choose, stick with it.

Firm No, and distract/remove.
Don't engage in tantrums - ensure they are safe and ignore as much as possible.
Don't enter into long explanations of why it was wrong/naughty etc.
We found a clear Stop that-type instruction and then a 1, 2, 3 count down followed by naughty step if blatantly ignored worked well, but probably at closer to 3. Keep returning if they get up.
With food refusal it depends on whether they are not hungry (in which case don't force food, but keep and offer again later). If being fussy/stubborn just remove it.

distraction.
positive parenting.
no to crisps and biscuits.
go more healthy.
dont stress

Even Jo Frost doesn’t use the naught step with her own children. I’m not a big fan of it but I don’t think it’s evil.

I like how to talk so little one listen book.

Whatever you do you need to be consistent. Does your area have the Solihull parenting course? Your HV will be able to help. In our area you can do it online.

Be consistent. Wherever you are, at home, at a play group, in the shop, coffee shop, friends house. Eg ‘No, we don’t hit’, remove child from activity/group/whatever, Sit them somewhere (I found having a small carpet square useful for this as it can be transported round e house/wherever we are). If they get up, put them back, don’t get into a dialogue with them, just put back and step away. After 2 minutes, get them up, ‘remember, no more hitting’ of they go and play. Repeat every time.

The biscuits and crisps thing. Just don’t give them to your child. Your dc won’t be hungry for meals if they are filling up on crappy snacks. Most of us would prefer to only eat junk food, so you’ve just got to remember you are the parent and proper meals/healthy snacks are better for your child. Make snacks fruit/bread sticks/veg/cheese cubes. Don’t give unhealthy snacks. They might make your child put on weight, but not the kind of weight you want them to be carrying.

In addition to the above, set out your expectations of what you want him to do (rather than not do, as that will then be upper-most in his mind). “We're going to hold hands whilst we...” rather than “Don't run off”. He's learning where the boundaries are, so you have to show him.

Praise him for the specific behaviour, rather than a generic “Good boy” when he gets it right.

It's hard work being consistent, but worth putting in the effort now, rather than having to undo learned poor behaviour when he gets older.

Consistency.

What ever you choose, stick with it

^^ This, with knobs on. And try and keep calm too, which is also easier if you have a consistent routine which works.

Following with interest, I have 2 year old twins and I'm completely and utterly exhausted, they do not listen and I feel like I've tried absolutely everything. Going to go back and read every post here, there must be something im doing wrong.

I try do natural consequences for my nearly 2 year old (and in fact teenager as well). For example if he has thrown his toys everywhere, we have to pick them all up together which is boring. If he hits/bites I say 'I don't like playing with children who bite/hit' and go do something else for 5 minutes.
To be fair, 2 year olds are just testing the boundaries, and being naughty is often just them showing their frustration at something.

Our HV told me to look at food across the week. That’s really helped me not to panic about food refusal. Cheese and fruit is usually on offer for hungry DC (2 nearly 3 and 6). But no treats if dinner (veggies) wasn’t eaten nicely.