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How to deal with different sleeping preferences?

17 replies

BoilingHot · 18/03/2019 09:58

The main point of conflict in my relationship is a disagreement we have over the room temperature in our bedroom. We also disagree on other things like light and noise, but the temperature is the main issue.

He likes to have it incredibly hot (his ideal would probably be around 24°), window closed, radiator on, sleep naked, hardly use the duvet at all. I can't handle this, I feel like I'm suffocating and I wake up with the sweats.

My ideal is to have it cold (maybe 17° max but I do love it really icy), window open, radiator off, cosy under the duvet and I prefer to wear pyjamas. He can't get to sleep in these conditions.

We are finding it hard to reach a compromise that we can both be happy with. I ditched the pyjamas and he has a much thicker duvet than me (we have two singles). We usually do window closed and radiator off or window open and radiator low to try and get some middle ground. Always seem to end up with me too hot or him too cold. It doesn't help that he comes to bed already freezing most evenings from sitting at the computer, he's like a human icicle. So I understand why he has trouble warming up. He's tried hot water bottles but they don't seem to work for him.

We've been together for 8 years, lived together for 7, so you'd think we would have worked this out by now, but apparently he was just putting up with my preferences for a long time and is now unwilling to do so anymore. He thinks we should just have it his way because I had it my way for so long, but I can't sleep properly in that heat and apparently he can't sleep properly in the cold.

Did anyone else have completely different sleeping preferences and did you manage to find a solution that wasn't separate bedrooms? (Which honestly I would consider if we had the space, but we don't).

OP posts:
ThanksItHasPockets · 18/03/2019 10:32

If you already have two singles could he have one of those heated mattress toppers on his? It’s like an electric blanket fitted sheet.

BoilingHot · 18/03/2019 10:41

It's not two single beds, it's a big double bed with two single duvets I mean. Sorry that might have been a bit unclear.

Do you think it would work with a mattress topper on just one side, would it stay put? Thanks for the suggestion, that might definitely be worth looking into!

OP posts:
CaptSkippy · 18/03/2019 10:41

Separate bedrooms?

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BoilingHot · 18/03/2019 10:44

Haha yes if we had a spare bedroom I would be seriously thinking about it. But we don't, unless we'd make the kids share so we could be separate, which is just too selfish and ridiculous - I can't contemplate that.

OP posts:
CluedoAddict · 18/03/2019 10:45

I would hate to have the heating on at night. Could he have an electric blanket on his side?

ThanksItHasPockets · 18/03/2019 10:47

Ah sorry, I misread.

Would you consider separate beds, if your bedroom is big enough? Yours next to the window?

MyDcAreMarvel · 18/03/2019 10:51

You can buy dual control electric blankets, so his said hit yours off.

MyDcAreMarvel · 18/03/2019 10:51

*side hot

Byebyefriend · 18/03/2019 10:57

Electric blanket with duel control.

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/03/2019 11:02

I would hate this. I'm window open, fan on all year round. I agree that heating his side might work. But also him wearing enough clothes downstairs so he's not chilled.

BoilingHot · 18/03/2019 11:03

Brilliant, I didn't know those existed. That sounds like it could be the perfect solution, thanks!

I've always been nervous of the idea of electric blankets and the fire risk, but perhaps unnecessarily. It could definitely be worth it to resolve the tension.

OP posts:
CaptSkippy · 18/03/2019 11:04

Well, if separate bedrooms is not an options then separate beds, with his heated, might be. It's a tricky situation.

Ninninannanoonoo · 18/03/2019 11:09

You can get single electric blankets. OH has his on every night for ages before bed. I just have mine on occasionally. He also has a much thicker duvet and an extra blanket. Changed our lives Grin

Happynow001 · 18/03/2019 11:16

Also consider two double duvets - or even king sized (rather than two singles) with whoever gets colder having the higher tog. That means no cold spots when turning over in bed. The colder person also gets to have half their duvet under them for even more insulation!!

TheFlis12345 · 18/03/2019 13:41

I had this issue when sharing a room with a friend in holiday who is always cold. It was so hot and she wanted the air con off at night which meant the room was roasting after a couple of hours so I couldn’t sleep, even with just shorts and a vest and no covers. In the end, even she had to admit that a cold person can put on an extra later and get a blanket but a hot person has no further way to cool down so the air con went on.

lurker99999 · 18/03/2019 15:44

My husband sleeps on a good quality folding bed in the living room every night because we both sleep so much better alone lol

JohnnyHatesJazz · 18/03/2019 15:48

A wool duvet.

DH is always hot and I'm always cold. A wool duvet solved all our problems. I don't even need to wear socks in bed anymore!

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