Give me a kick up the arse please

[Catscratchclub]

My anxiety is through the roof today and I need to be practical about it all. I don’t even know why I’m writing this down, or what I need, I just feel overwhelmed!!

Issues stressing me are:

I saw my ex kissing another girl. We have been broken up ages, I knew he had moved on as he sent me texts for her ‘accidentaly’ But seeing it HURTS. I miss him, and I shouldn’t. I need to delete him off social media and just get over it, but I’m struggling. I feel embarrassed and rejected and I just sodding miss him. I deserved better though and it scares me that I feel this way about him - I need to work on my self esteem.

Money: I’m on a zero hour contract with no income for last 3 weeks. I’m scared, scared scared. I need to hunker down and job hunt, whilst simultaneously setting my self employed business back up as a back up option. I need to sell half the stuff in my house. I need to sort my car insurance out as I’m paying over the odds. I need to put petrol in the car and meal plan and I don’t know how to make the money I do have stretch in all these directions.

House: I had a massive clear out last week but it means all the ‘stuff’ from the rest of the house is in my living room and hallway waiting to be dealt with. I need to sell it as I can’t afford to charity shop it. Everywhere needs cleaning, laundry needs doing, I need to change the beds. On a bigger scale I need to redecorate as the cat has ruined the wallpaper down stairs.

Ds: his dad left when I was pregnant and went awol last week when he owed me money. It has all kicked off and I’ve had horrid messages off his girlfriend and mum. I don’t know how to move this forward other than to ignore him. We hardly see him anyway, but I’m scared contact is going in the wrong direction and getting less not more. It’s Ds birthday this weekend and I don’t know how to give him what he wants. I don’t want it to be a let down, he deserves so much - I just feel like I’m fucking everthing up.

There is so much more, but those are the things bothering me right now. I feel like I can’t breath and I need to get a handle on this and take action instead of just panicking. Help?

I’m sorry it’s long, I dont even know what I need from writing this

Well I hope it’s been cathartic for you to write it down and you don’t need a virtual kick from me.
M
Can you go for a walk and breathe in some clean fresh air . Maybe sit and make a list of what needs to be done.
You’re just overwhelmed sweetheart.
Dr Bach’s elm remedy is great for this.
You have a plan...you just need to activate it by breaking it down into bitesize chunks.

You are right - I just need a list and to do even one thing off it. I think because I’m overwhelmed by how much there is to do, I’m doing nothing instead of chipping away at it. I’m just not feeling very brave today and some of the things feel scary!

I’ve got some rescue remedy upstairs actually so I will go get that, thank you

I am usually fine it being just me and DS, but right now it feels like a fuck tonne on my shoulders and I feel alone with it. This time last year I was so happy and full of promise and hope for the future, and I need to get that feeling back. I don’t know what’s going on with me today, I dropped Ds at achool and I can’t stop shaking. It’s weird as none of these things are a shock or new.

You are not fucking everything up, you have an enormous amount to deal with.
One thing at a time.
Would car insurance be the best thing to look at first as that could save the most of money?
Once one thing has been tackled, the hill will not be as high.

I’m scared about the car insurance the most. I meant to cancel the renewal but forgot (I know, I know!) and the first months payment bounced, so they added a penalty on. I don’t know if I can cancel it now it’s started? I assume there will be another penalty for getting out early and I don’t know if I can afford to pay this, plus the first month with another company at the same time. So even though it will save me money over the long term, I feel like I’ve fucked up and am trapped with it. I need to call them and find out, but I it feels huge.

A family member was meant to be starting their chemo today but they have collapsed and so it’s not going ahead.

Even my car is a mess and needs cleaning. There’s just not one area I feel like I have sorted and I can’t breath with it all today. It’s just all too booody much!

I’ve started small. I’ve just deleted my social media accounts. I’m going to fold the laundry now and put machine on again. Baby steps.

I’ve no idea why I’m even writing this down, I’m a bit of a mess today.

Hi catscratch, you're writing it down because it helps you see that you can do this. You've got too much going on that needs doing to sort it out in your head. Writing down what you've done, is as important as making a to do list. It reminds you that you can. Small steps. You can't do it all at once, but you can do something, anything, ten minutes at a time.

You don't need a kick up the arse, sometimes life just feels a bit of a mess so take 5 minutes and sit down woth a cup of tea and I find writing a list helps, I get great satisfaction out of crossing things off as it's like an accomplishment of 1 less thing to do and gradually your list will become smaller and won't feel quite as overwhelming.

Have you got a friend who can come round and hold your hand while you sort out your car insurance? And going off on a tangent, can you go for a run outside instead of on a treadmill? Get some fresh air, seeing grass and trees will calm you naturally.

Thank you everyone.

I went into total meltdown this morning and ended up having a panic attack. I feel much calmer but a bit detached from it all now. I wrote a list, and have broken it all down. I’m just pottering now but I’ve done 2 lots of washing and listed 3 things on gumtree. Even if I do nothing else today, it’s enoigh.

There’s no one I can really tell about the car insurance - my friends are quite wealthy, and while I know they are supportive of me, they wouldn’t understand, or they would want to pay it or something.

I’m going to get pizza ingredients in a bit because Ds wants to cook his own supper tonight. If I can do that with him I’ll feel like I’ve ticked parenting points at least!

I know getting outside would help, and I know running would make me feel better..... but I’m nervous. Even walking round the shops feels overwhelming at the moment (I go through periods like this!) and Im in that shitty vicious circle bit of knowing it would help but being scared of it at the same time. I know it sounds pathetic. I’m not usually this rubbish!

I completely understand how you feel, how are you feeling today?

Ahh thank you for checking in on me. I’m mixed to be honest, I think there’s just so much going on that it’s bound to be shit for a bit?

On the positives though, I’ve made £45 selling things, my mum has offered to send me and Ds away this weekend for his birthday so it’s not an anti climax for him, and I’ve got 3 days worked booked in for next week.

I think I might need to speak to the doctors about a longer term action plan if this anxiety keeps up though. I feel low level crap about 80% of the time at the moment, with peaks like yesterday. I’ve had anti depressants and anti anxiety medication before, and am wary of going back there though.

Oh bless you, I've always managed to avoid any medication as I'm concerned I'd never come off it, those are really good positives and I'm sure your son and you will enjoy a little break away

I’ve been on medication before for many years (I was raped and it affected me badly) but went cold turkey when I became pregnant. It’s almost a point of pride that I’ve not needed them since he was born - he’s 7 now. That said, the circumstances are different now - I just need to be the best parent I can be for him however that happens.

I’m dressed in keep fit clothes at the moment trying to pluck up courage to run around the block. I know it’s not far, but I’m so nervous about leaving the house!

I can only imagine how traumatic that was and well done for staying off them however if it's something you need to make you feel better I'd strongly advise going to see your gp, sometimes just talking about it can make people feel a lot better, and when I used to run I used to focus on certain things when I was running to make me focus, like when I get to that lamppost it's 1 step closer then that tree stump or something then before you know it you'll be home and feel much better for it.

Nothing pathetic there, I can't tell you how many times I've known what I needed to do, but just could not make myself do it. I'm hoping you got yourself out of the door, and now you know that doing it is less scary than thinking about it. I understand about the meds too, but they may be what you need right now.

A kick up the arse is the very last thing you need - from yourself, or anyone else...

From a purely practical point of view, write down the things that you need to get done, and prioritise them. Then, pick a couple that are "quick wins" and just get them done. You'll feel so much better, and that you're making progress.

I hope you have a great weekend with your son. I'm sure he'll love spending it with you.

You are all so lovely, and I can’t tell you how grateful I am for your support. It’s been a rough few days, but I’m trying to keep positive and concentrate on the wins. I’ve been here before so many times in the past, so to a degree there is a hope as I know it will pass eventually if I just keep breathing and putting one step in front of the other.

I called my doctors today and the next approintment was 26th April so I have made it and am hoping that if I can do a bit of self care in between then I won’t need to keep it.

On the plus side, todays wins are: I’ve secured work for the next 4 weeks. My son has 5 weeks off school for Easter and I’ve been panicking about juggling childcare - but, and this is the best thing, I can work flexibly and have him with me. I am thrilled and so relieved.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all cheering me on. It genuinely has kept me going and stopped me losing the plot completely these past few days

Hi catscratch, so pleased you've got some work sorted so you can at least breathe easy on that front. Apart from that, I just wanted to check in on you really, GP appointments are a joke lately.