Older drivers with anxiety, please help!

[Lottapianos]

I'm 39 and passed my test about 6 weeks ago. I've been driving by myself for 3 weeks now. I feel like I'm a safe driver but I'm very nervous, sometimes still physically shaky when I get out of the car

I did a 30 mile drive on Saturday with DP (town, dual carriageway, roundabouts), as a practice for a drive I will need to do for work. It was bloody terrifying. My arms and legs felt numb when I got there, and I felt a bit shell shocked. My anxiety was through the roof all day yesterday and I feel I've taken a huge step backwards. To be honest, I don't think having DP with me was all that helpful. He's lovely but is a nervous driver and a nervous passenger and was very stressed out the whole way, which I picked up on.

I'm planning to do the same drive on my own in 2 weeks, on a work day, setting off early. I don't know what I'm posting for really- just a hand hold I guess and some reassurance. Everyone tells me it all gets easier over time, which I understand, I'm just having a massive wobble about it all right now

Well I'm here to say 'it will get easier in time' ! The more you drive you more confident you will become. You should keep practicing the route on your own , daily if you can , so you can stop spending the next two weeks worrying.
I passed my test when I was 32 , I was always nervous driving on the motorway, so now I don't really do it. I found when I had to drive somewhere new it made me calmer to see the route on Google maps , so I had a visual of roundabouts etc . It will get easier , good luck.

I think little and often is hte answer. Try and drive somewhere every day. If you can try some longer trips when you have the time and don't have any time pressure, that will also help. A 30 mile drive is quite an effort when you're not used to driving, especially if it is somewhere you haven't been before.
When you have to do the drive next time, make sure you leave lots of time. Also make sure you know where to park etc when you get there so that you're not worrying about that on the way.
I've been driving over 30 years, but if I am going somewhere new, I will often have a quick check on Google maps/streetview so that I can see any parking restrictions or funny junctions etc. I also love my satnav as it doesn't matter if I take a wrong turn - I know it will re=plan and I will get there eventually!

I’ve driven for 40 odd years and never seen myself as a nervous driver.
Both husbands did the long distance stuff although I quite merrily drove around Florida when my first marriage went pear shaped in. 2006.
Then when aged 63 disaster struck when my 2nd husband had a stroke and lost his peripheral vision.
If we wanted to live the life we loved visit friends and relatives 6-7 hours drive a way, I’ve had to step up.
Frankly it’s been a nightmare.
However since then (2015) I’ve made three annual trips to wales and Dorset each year from our home in the north east, a tour around Scotland from east to west coast , finishing in the lakes before returning home.
Several trips to Milton Keynes to fulfill my duties as a charities trustee.
It doesn’t bother me now as much as it used to
I’ve got my first big trip of 2019 coming up in here weeks to drive to Worcester for our annual dowsing conference.

I’m very much into natural remedies. We all know homeopathy doesn’t work but I will be taking aconite 10m as suggested by my gp. I also find it useful for flying.

I also use the Bach flower remedies as they work on emotions. Rescue remedy is a good one but I only buy ainsworths. The secret is to build it up, take it 4 times a day over three weeks
Two drops in a treatment dropper bottle of pure water, then 4 drops 4 times a day on tongue or in glass of water.
You could add mimulus for fear of known things, maybe oak for strength.
It’s a very easy system to understand
Also try EFT as well and practice, practice, practice
You’ll soon be sailing slong

Honestly it just takes time.

I passed my test eighteen months ago at the age of 28. I found it really hard at first and I was scared I'd do something wrong or get lost or stall and get in an accident.

Now driving is like second nature. Just do little and often, stop if you feel you need to and take your time. Even now I pull over if necessary and let people past or let me get my bearings.

You'll be fine :)

Thank you both. Little and often makes sense. It has got a bit less nerve racking in the past 3 weeks, but still pretty intense. I think I'm better when I'm on my own - no one there to see your mistakes! I didn't really get on with my driving instructor either so haven't had much experience of having a calm, helpful person sitting near to me. I know the only way through the anxiety is just to keep at it but I'm feeling tired of it all at the moment

I passed at 17 but didn't drive for about 10 years (uni, then lived in London). I was a wreck when driving, physically shaking and having to pull over to calm down.

Here's what helped me...

• Getting stuff on free cycle, I had to collect it (DH refused) so it forced me to drive around my town. Also having to pick DH up from the station, so I had to drive out and do that.
• A big road trip when my step dad died and I felt I had to go home with a baby DD. Drove outside of rush hour, took my time.
• I look up new routes on Google Maps Street View, to help feel confident on larger junctions. I don't do it much now (10+ years later), but it certainly helped early on.
• DH was a super calm passenger. Little comments like... 'Purple, you're a little close on my side'. Find yourself a helpful passenger to go out with.

Basically it all comes with practise, little and often, regular trips and new trips in a familiar town. Take your time and avoid rush hour at first. As someone above said, you can always pull over and let people pass, or just to check the map etc. It is always possible to stop (or take the next junction) and turn around if you get lost, don't panic. I missed my local M6 junction, missed the next one (big interchange and mis-read the sat nav to get to the roundabout) and ended up coming off another junction down, all in about 30mins from my house and an hour round trip!! Still got home though

Thank you all, you're making me feel much better. Nearly everyone I know passed their test as a teenager and look when I talk about being petrified. I know I'm putting way too much pressure on myself but old habits and all that. It helps so much to know that other people get scared and mess up but it all turns out ok

Try to drive 5 days a week to get used to it.