Reaching out for some help as I am desperately frustrated with my 4y/o DS.
We initially potty trained him at 2.5 as nursery said he was ready. In hindsight (a wonderful thing) he wasn't ready and we didn't go about it the right way. We took him to the toilet regularly and it didn't take long for him to be reliably 'dry' in the day. Poo followed a little later but by three we thought we'd cracked it.
Anyway, we hadn't, really. Essentially, I think we taught him to go to the toilet when asked, but not to recognise his body signals for a full bladder. So even now, if we ask him if he needs to go, he'll always just say no. We sometimes then make him go and surprise surprise he has a massive wee!
He will tell us if he needs to go, but we recently discovered that every time he goes off to the loo on his own accord, he's already leaked a little bit. So either he's so desperate his wee starts and then he holds the rest to go to the toilet, or he sort of goes a bit to see if he needs to go before taking himself off to the toilet.
Some days are better than others. He's fine at pre school as they are all reminded and told to go regularly. Though I suspect his pants are often a bit damp, but obviously nobody is checking.
He rarely full on wets himself though and poo has never been a problem at all.
So thats our daytime issue. Is this normal? I have no idea!
He's not even close to being dry at night. Now I've read that this is hormonal, so up until recently, assumed the hormones just hadn't kicked in. But a few weeks ago, I went to check on him at 8pm, he was awake and playing in his room 
. I picked him up and his nappy was warm! He had just quite happily weed in it whilst playing rather than go to the toilet. Similar is happening in the morning. He will get up between 6-7 am and he is allowed to read until 7am when he can come in to us. Occasionally, I'll be awake and go in to see him. A handful of times his nappy is warm and he's admitted to weeing in it instead of going to the toilet.
So we went cold turkey on the nappies overnight. We lifted him at 11 and 3am, still wet in the morning but he is at least being proactive and changing his pants as soon as he wakes up as he doesn't like being so soaking wet.
This is where we are now. Constant small wettings in the day before he goes to the toilet and weeing happily in his nappy in the evening and the morning.
I literally just went up to him and he was still awake but had changed his pants already and according to him "i didn't know i needed to go". This was less than an hour after I took him (twice!) before going off to bed. He hasn't had any liquid since 5pm.
How much of this is normal? I am finding it so frustrating. The more we 'focus' on it, the worse it seems to get but even if we ignore it, it still happens.
He is a happy, sociably little boy. He is genuinely quite bright and curious about the world. BUT he can get quite anxious about new things and I half suspect he may have slight ADHD (not sure if thats the correct way to phrase it). He's always talking, can't sit still and ticks quite a few boxes, but he can focus well and plays nicely independently without flitting between things much so I'm not sure. I also wonder if he has some sensory processing difficulties as again he displays some of these traits - he hates wearing certain clothes for example. I have no idea if this is impacting any of these problems.
If you've read all this, THANK YOU. All insights very welcome!