So, I can do Sanderstead for you:
- Village vibe (or nice friendly community feel)
Yep, lots of community, a local RA, plenty of activities held at the local church, good high street, park with cafe, village pond, etc etc.
- Decent connections to London (regular at commute times, within around 45 minutes to London) - any extra info on whether these are on notoriously bad lines etc.
Sanderstead station is down the hill from Sanderstead proper, but it's definitely cycling distance (and there are bike sheds). There are two trains every hour to Victoria, two to London Bridge at peak times, and it's also within walking distance of Purley Oaks. It's a fast train - it's under 20 minutes to Clapham, 30 to Victoria.
- Bonus if they are close to a great swimming pool (slides, rapid river, waves, diving boards etc)
Oxted pool is about 25 minute drive away, there are other, more local pools, but that one has the fun stuff.
- Bonus if extracurricular clubs (gymnastics, dance, football etc) are not oversubscribed with impossible wait lists
Yep, plenty going on at the local schools and halls. There are at least three football clubs I can think of (and my children don't play football!) and there's definitely dance stuff in Warlingham, up the road.
- Not under the flight paths
I can't see any aeroplanes? 😁 We're half an hour from Gatwick and I have never noticed plane noise (or in fact, planes particularly!).
- Ok to get home to on a nightbus once my kids go clubbing in London and miss the last train home (I know night buses won't go to most of these places but if they go close, to help cut down on a huge taxi fare).
So, we do still occasionally go out in town (babysitting and energy levels allowing 😂). Trains run all night from London Victoria to East Croydon and then it's £8 in a black cab or uber from there, or it's £30 all the way home from the west end in a uber, or the N64 runs all night to Selsdon which is maybe a 15 minute walk down the road from Sanderstead. And there are night buses which go into Croydon for the interchange onto the N64.