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How should I behave?

5 replies

Railwaywoman · 17/03/2019 18:10

Former close friend. No actual falling out but we'd grown apart over past couple of years due to changes in both our lives. Admittedly, she'd tried to maintain the friendship but I was pretty crap at responding/committing to dates etc. Not ghosting but general flakiness due to genuine busyness.

In the end she gave up and we all but lost touch. Tbh, I was content to let the friendship fade as I felt we had little in common anymore and I had enough going on (still do).

A while back, I realised she'd deleted me on social media and blocked me on WhatsApp. I was a bit surprised as it seemed rather drastic & final. I have a number of Facebook friends I saw a lot of at certain times in my life but don't now due to life moving on. However, it's still nice to stay loosely in touch and see how they're doing. I wondered what would happen if I bumped into her but put it out of my mind.

Now an event has unexpectedly come up that she's almost certain to attend. I have thought about declining but it would mean letting someone down. Besides, if it wasn't for feeling awkward at coming face to face with this person, I would like to go.

If I go, how do I behave? Ignore her? Or act as though nothing has happened? (it's feasible that I'd not noticed the unfriending as I'm not that prolific on SM really).

DP says that she's the one who should be feeling awkward as she's the one who burnt the bridges with the unfriending/blocking, but that still doesn't stop me feeling very apprehensive about the situation, probably because I now realise that I was unreliable and flakey which clearly riled her.

WWYD?

OP posts:
wowsertrousers · 17/03/2019 22:41

I have a similar situation with a number of formerly close friends, minus the defriending on social media - that part does seem really petty, but she's presumably taken the flakiness personally. I would just avoid any mention of social media when you see her, apologise for having been rubbish at keeping in touch and see how things feel on the night - if you get on great and come away feeling wistful for the lost friendship, maybe send a message saying how great it was to see her and that hopefully you both won't leave it as long til the next meet up. On the other hand, if you don't feel any of the old connection, then just walk away and cherish the memories of your former friendship.

Railwaywoman · 18/03/2019 07:08

Thank you. Does seem like she's taken it as a personal slight! I can only message her if she unblocks me though! Still feel anxious at the thought of seeing her, probably being silly but can't help it!

OP posts:
FuckyNel · 18/03/2019 07:12

Just say hi nice to see you etc - style it out!

I am a serial defriender on Facebook. I only stay friends with people I see all the time and immediate family. It doesn’t mean I dislike you though!

ScreamingValenta · 18/03/2019 07:13

I think you should just be cheerful and friendly when you see her, as you would to any casual acquaintance, because effectively that's what she's become.

Leave the initiative to her for anything more. If she wants to lead the conversation into deeper things, then as the pp said, you could apologise for not having kept in touch and see if you both feel like rebuilding the friendship.

Railwaywoman · 18/03/2019 17:45

Thank you for the replies - I'm now of the mind-set that I'll go, smile, say hello and move on. Might be easier said than done but don't see why I should tiptoe around trying to avoid her when I haven't really done anything wrong, apart from the flakiness of course!

OP posts:
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