does anyone have any happy stories about 'difficult' kids getting easier?

[beclev24]

not sure if I'm posting this in the right place but we are struggling witth DS1 who is 8. He can be a really lovely quirky boy but is also very controlling and if things don't go his way gets in huge angry rages where he lashes out, destroys things in his room (his own stuff- eg breaks his lego creations etc) and is very rude to us. He fights with his 5 year old brother. We spend lots of one on one time with him, do all the strategies in the how to talk so kids will listen book (which do help) give him loads of time and attention plus firm boundaries etc so all hte stuff you are 'supposed' to do, but he just seems angry and resentful a lot of the time. when he is not in one of these moods he is polite, does well at school, curious and does lots of activities etc.

He sees a therapist but no diagnosable SN apparently according to her.

WE are so worried for him and exhausted dealing with him and its starting to scare his brother/ . Does anyone have any stories about kids who had a difficult phase which then got easier with time? I need some hope. thank you.

Thanks MrsFrumble. We’ll go with it then and see what happens. And just keep trying to manage him as best we can in the meantime.

I think that we were lucky (and rather unusual) in that we didn’t need to push or fight for an assessment, and that DS’s school have been very proactive and helpful. From other threads on here and parents I’ve met in real life it seems like the opposite is more often the case.

Have you been the SN boards here Northern? I’ve found SN chat to be really useful and supportive.

thanks mrsfrumble that's helpful. My DS sounds like yours in some ways but not in others (obviously as they are two different people!) I think we probably should get him assessed but all of the professionals we have ever met (two therapists, teachers etc ) have said they don't think it's autism. but yes we should probably make sure. It's so hard isn't it? Sending good thoughts to all who are going through similar

Yes, things are much better now children are teenagers. The sibling fighting has stopped as they are no longer desperate for 100% of our attention.

Drama, martial arts, sports, music. They need to be good at something.

@stripyhoglets oh that gives me hope. ours fight non stop. When people talk about their awful teenagers I always think 'mine are like that already' and am terrified of it getting even worse. So thank you! I so hope that holds true for us.

If they don’t think it’s autism, what do they say about his behaviour?

There are other cognitive disorders that could be involved outside of ASD etc... DS is 7 and I think has improved a lot but still has good days and bad days. We had an initial assessment with a private psych who said not autism, it will probably improve with what we and school are doing with him already but she did suggest a full cognitive assessment (which we are pursuing through the NHS). She wouldn’t give details on possible prognoses.

School are also seeking funding for play therapy. I would be amazed if we get the cognitive assessment (it seems to be small niggley things, no consistency to it) but we’re happy to be proved wrong.

I haven’t yet Mrs, to be honest i’ve only just started thinking he might have additional needs. He’s always been a nightmare for us but fine for other people, until he started reception in Sept. His behaviour in school has been awful (he was fine in the next door classroom at the nursery last year!) and I’m now starting to think there might be more too it as he’s not responding to anything we’ve tried. Will have a look though, thanks.

It may just take a while for him to settle in. DS was up/down at preschool, awful in reception, had a great yr 1, mainly ok but some bad days in yr 2. His school is quite finickety and has a tendency to focus on small things, which doesn’t help with him. He needs boundaries but with flexibility. When the expectations go up (or he is tired etc), he lashes out.

Hi OP

Your son sounds very like my DS, except that he also gets in trouble at school for chatting and shouting out ( the school are also as per a previous pp very focussed on strict rules and behaviours which I don’t think and it isn’t just him but quite a group getting in trouble).

The professionals I’ve spoken to also don’t think DS has autism - he is however now seeing a psychologist for anxiety and she thinks he has some sensory issues. He also has been having play therapy but I don’t know if it helps that much.

I know what you mean about it being exhausting - I’m a single mum and quite frequently end up in tears and despair as I’m so worried about him. And also because he can make life just so hard. My youngest is nothing like this and I don’t think other parents really understand and what it is like.

Having said that I do think I’ve seen some improvement recently - he is working on recognising his anger and steps to help. I was amazed at how clearly he could articulate his anger etc and taking about it seemed to help.

Should have added DS is also 7. When he is being lovely I think mybe he just needs to mature into himself. Then we will have a bad day and it feels like back to square 1 a bit.

Did was not angry but miserable. Nothing was ever right and she cried hours daily from birth on. She had a number of ASD traits but never diagnosed.
During her early teens she changed greatly and she grew up into a happy successful woman.

*Get him into a yoga class or relaxation class

He needs to learn calming strategies rather than aggressive competitive sports*

“Aggressive competitive sports*

Yoga did my child no good. Bored her rigid, and she just became disruptive. It does me too, tbh.

Competitive sport turned her round. She learned discipline, how to make mistakes, how to lose gracefully, how to support others competing against her. She learned the value of repetition, and that things aren’t necessarily easy the first hundred times you try it, but after 200 you can do it without thinking.

She has learned she is talented, and good at something. She can channel her energy and frustration into her training, she sleeps better, pays attention to her diet, and has made friends all over the world.

mine was hard work until he was about 14. He was very emotional and was diagnosed with Aspergers at 12. He is lovely now and great company.

It does get better.

My son
Absolute nightmare baby...didn’t sleep
Absolute nightmare toddler... always hitting his baby brother
Absolute nightmare teenager.. got into all kinds of trouble... I was never away from the schwell me and his dad

Grow up to be a wonderful young man

There wasn’t a day I didn’t tell him I loved him.. even though I felt sometimes it was said through gritted teeth

I felt for the first 16 years I was hanging onto a runaway horse

Got him in a choir. He loved that
Fishing he loved that too
At 16 he met a lovely young woman and really calmed down.. thank god

School

My difficult eldest is now 15. She’s definitely getting easier. My easy youngest is now getting trickier 🙈🙈