I admit - DH and I have a really busy and stressful life. 1 dc at uni, living quite far away, 1 doing GCSEs, who mainly lives with Xabusive fuckerP, and 2 DCs we had together, both with SEND. DH WFH FT, I WFH a couple of PT jobs, and am finishing off a qualification. My health has been pretty poor, but DH and I also worked on a project together that was very demanding and time-consuming over the past couple of years - we knew it wasn't going to make us any money but it was a good way for us both to move towards our ideal careers. So, it's been a tough couple of years.
A few months ago I slipped down the stairs, gave myself a mild concussion, so just rested up. A week later, I had a partial seizure so went to get it checked out. After a scan a couple of months later, and a follow-up appointment a couple of months after that, the neurologist told me I have a 4mm brain aneurysm. Now, I know it's not that big a deal - it sounds worse than it is, lots of people walk around with them unknowingly for many years etc, but, if it follows a standard growth rate I'm looking at surgery in 3-8 years.
I have to say it's completely thrown me. I'm trying to not let it distract me, but as I have a high bp at the moment, I've started meds which so far haven't done anything to lower it, and having to take meds every day and take my own bp twice a week constantly reminds me to think about it. I'm worried because I have no life insurance (none of my jobs pay very well) but we have at least got a will drafted which we both just need to read through and sign now - more so that the 2 dcs have someone nominated to care for them in the event of both of us dying. I'm due to have another scan in 4 1/2 months, but in the mean time I'm worried that even silly things like coughing, straining on the loo, etc. could bloody rupture the thing. I did post about this a while back because i wasn't sure whether I was going to tell the 2 older DCs - I haven't yet because I don't want to worry them when they're so far away/have assignments and exams and things, but am hoping to tell them both in a few years. But with other things in my life causing stress - managing the boys' behaviour, work, the house, never getting any down time, emotional stress from DC2 (another long story), I just feel like I'm on the cusp of breaking apart. All the time. I genuinely am only hanging on because DH is so brilliant and chilled out, but our relationship is showing signs of strain from all of this as well. DH is away this weekend seeing friends (which is fine, even though DC3 and I are poorly, as down time is so precious he hasn't been away to see these friends in 2 years, but he does go to do his band gigs and rehearsals. He's said I should go off and have a weekend to myself, but everything in the near future has things booked - family coming to visit, DC2 coming over, Mother's Day, and then DC1 comes home for 3 weeks.
I know I sound depressed, but a 'go to the doctors and get some meds' isn't going to cut it this time, as it's not really going to address the anxiety around possibly having my head explode.
Of course it's a Catch-22, because it could have been there for ages without me knowing about it, and I'm only getting stressed now because I know about, but I just can't seem to shake this one off. Dh thinks I'm being a bit silly because the risk of rupture is 1% in asymptomatic aneurysms, but mine is clearly giving me symptoms of blurred vision sometimes, headaches, etc. I don't even know what my question is, really - I suppose it's an 'AIBU to be stressed about the aneurysm'?