DSS takes forever to eat his food! Help!

[sunlove]

My DSS (5) is an incredibly slow eater eg. this afternoon it took him over an hour to eat a ham sandwich & a chopped up apple!

It doesn't seem to matter what the food is or how much he enjoys the meal it will take over an hour for him to finish anything. He misses loads of his lunchtime at school because he's so slow. It also makes family life difficult as evenings are spent waiting for him to finish eating.

He's not fussy in the slightest and always finishes his food (and quite often asks for more) but it just takes so long to get him to finish. At both his mum & dad's he:

Sits at the table & doesn't have any distractions.
Has a reward chart
Doesn't have pudding unless food is finished in a reasonable amount of time (so generally misses out )

DP & I just can't think of what else to do? Please tell me I'm not alone and this phase will pass!

I should add he's here 50% of the time and co parenting is good - so any suggestions will be tried constantly at both houses. We're all desperate!

Taking an hour to eat doesn't seem that bad.

Withholding pudding is incredibly unpleasant. He's really going to grow up loving you lot for that. [Hmm]

He's 5. He'll grow out if it if he wants to. No one will die if he doesn't.

Seems mean to deny him his pudding

Does he do this deliberately? Is it uncomfortable for him to eat fast! Is he just dreamy?

What is the cause / reason for his slow eating?

If bribes aren’t working I would guess he simply can’t eat fast for some reason.

Hence

Hmmm, maybe it’s just all relative - all other children in our families are much quicker!

Agreed about the pudding business, but that was a decision made by his parents - so not much I can do about that .

Tbh, I’d never considered that it could actually be uncomfortable, we’d all just assumed he was in Day dream land. Maybe it’s worth investigating that further. Any ideas as to what could make it uncomfortable for him to eat quicker?

Have you tried letting him prep his own stuff?

So what is actually happening while he is eating that makes him take so long? Is he chit chatting between bites? What is causing the delay?

ILoveMaxiBondi He talks a bit whilst eating, but not excessively - mainly just sits there chewing really slowly and repeatedly. Almost like he’s trying to get his food as small as possible before he swallows.

No help other than to say DS1 was like this and still is at the age of 12. It takes him at least 3 times longer to eat a meal compared to anyone else in the family. It is so frustrating at times.

He'll only take small bites- I wonder whether it is related to when he was small and had persistant tonsil problems. They were so swollen that he couldn't swallow. Tonsils have been removed but I wonder if the early experience programmed him to eat small amounts and very slowly.

He's tall and skinny (like his dad was as a boy) so clearly getting enough nutrients.

Ds is the same. He'll chew a mouthful a thousand times before he swallows it. It's having an effect at school now as he's the last kid left in the hall at lunch and the bigger kids come in for their lunch... and he misses play time. I'm hoping that will spur him on to be a bit faster. Whenever he complains he's missed play I tell him he doesn't need to chew quite so thoroughly and should concentrate on his food more and chat less. Hopefully it'll sink in soon!

I feel your pain, I brought up my stepson from the age of 5 and he too took absolutely ages to eat his meals. We never found a solution and at 21 he is almost just as slow, sorry.

Has he got sensitive teeth? Could biting be sore?

Eating slowly is better for digestion but I'm guessing he is super slow? I would suggest giving slightly smaller portions and reward the completion of a portion or plate of food (as opposed to withholding a treat).
Give him a choice so he tells somewhat in control. For example, let him choose the meal plan for the time he is with you... Spag Bol or Tuna Pasta Bake on Tues DSS?

Fair enough to say he can't have pudding until he's eaten a certain amount, but a bit mean to say he can't have pudding if he doesn't eat faster. That's a big deal to a 5 year old and a stressed and upset 5yo isn't going to eat faster.

I wonder if there’s is something going on with his throat that makes it sore to eat normal size chunks? Does he complain of any pain? I would bring him to the GP and/or dentist and als them to give him a check over.

Has he been told he has to chew every bite 20 times? I was told that by my grandma and used to eat really slowly until I was just told to chew until my food was soft. I even used to try to chew soup and ice cream!

Does he have a drink with his dinner? Is he slow with things like soup? If he manages better with those things maybe it's a comfort thing, otherwise it must just be him.
Would it help to only put a tiny bit on his plate to start with?

my DH is like this and has been his whole life. For him it is because he chews his food a lot. I counted once and he averages 30 chews per mouthful, so it takes him forever to eat anything. I practically swallow my food whole so isn't unusual for him to finish his meal half an hour later than me. I think some people just chew more than others.

So mean to make him dessert!

Honestly I’d just leave him too it, his 5 and a slow eater 🤷🏻‍♀️ So what? His 5

My 5 year old DD is like this, but very fussy too. All the fussy eater guides say restrict mealtimes to 30 mins. If I did this she would barely have anything. We think it is linked to her hypermobility in that she finds it hard to cut up food as her hands are weak and finds chewing hard work. Does your DS have any difficulty with these things?

Wow, thank you for all your replies! DP just linked his ex to the thread and they’ve decided to make DSS a doctors appointment next week to make sure there’s nothing more serious going on.

Going forward we’re going to try giving him a smaller plate to start with then if he’d like seconds because he’s still hungry that’s fine - hopefully that will make meal time less daunting for him. Also going to try and involve him more in meal prep so he has more control over what he’s eating.

And thanks to your replies they’ve reconsidered the pudding situation and the pudding ban has been lifted

Ah, that’s nice that his pudding ban is lifted.

Could have been tough if school and both homes were making an issue of his eating in a punitive way. It isn’t as if he is being naughty in any way.

Does he do better with soft food like shepherds pie or fish pie?

Some children are anxious about choking.
How is he with food like jelly?

That was me growing up!! I was always the last to finish every meal, last out of the lunch hall at school... turns out I'm dyspraxic but have no idea if it's related to my slow eating as a kid or not. I grew out of it and eat at a normal speed now. I don't even know why I'd eat so slowly, it just seemed to take me longer.

My dds are horrendously slow, me and dh worked out once (while waiting for them to finish!!) That we sit around after we are finished eating for around 2 weeks over the year!! As dd has turned 9 she seems to be hurrying up a little more sometimes!! It's torture some days!