What would you classify this as? Assault?

[isthis]

Drunk being put to bed by a friend. Reckon must have passed out woke up to him on top of her with his hands down her knickers. When friend woke up he saw she was freaked out and stopped.

What would you classify that as?

Maybe you stayed friendly so you could pretend it never happened. That you weren't a victim. That things like this didn't happen to you. So you didn't have to confront what happened.

That's why I went out a few more times with my date rapist, anyway. I tried to normalise it. I even tried to laugh it off as somehow "leading him on". When I confronted him about it, he laughed too. I was very young, and didn't know my worth back then

Many, many women have done this and look back in horror when the truth finally dawns. You are not alone.

It was very confusing - it still is I guess. I trusted him.

Thank you @AnyFucker

Sorry for the accusation OP. I hope you wasn't hurt by my reply.
Can I ask you how long ago this happened? Is this recent or a while ago?

Sexual assault, it always stops at some point so doesn't matter if it was because you woke up, or because "he realised" or because he had finished, still sexual assault/attempted rape i would say.

Hope you are ok OP

Long time ago - it's nearer the surface at the moment as I've had a shit time recently

@InsertFunnyUsername thank you - I find it so bizarre as before this incident it was clear I really liked him - I just can't understand why he behaved like that. So unnecessary somehow? It's the motive - I just don't get. Just because you're a bit pissed?

AnyFucker is spot on. I wouldn't have believed that it would be possible for a person to not recognise that they'd been raped or sexually assaulted but for that it happened to me. I smiled coyly at my rapist in the street, even went knocking on his flat to try to continue what I thought was the start of a beautiful relationship.

Our context is years of social programming about how women "should" behave, that only women who were "asking for it" get raped, and that they should have been less drunk/less flirty/promiscuous/covered their bodies up so as not to tempt the poor male rapist "victim".

Consent is now a HUGE sensitive issue for me to the point where I'm on holiday right now and managed to screw myself over having a hot holiday fling last night because I didn't ask for what I wanted because I'd tuned in to him and he seemed like he wouldn't consent and I didn't want to pressurise him. I'm in a really "woke" area and as I later unpacked with my friend what had actually happened was that he'd sought out explicit enthusiastic verbal consent (he asked me what do I want) from me and because I'd been nervous of rejection I'd gone all coy and fumbled it, (said "I don't know") and he'd thought well ok then that wasn't an enthusiastic yes so it's a no, and was very cool and chill about moving into a just friends space... Which I read as rejection because he should be psychic, right? . It really is a journey for me, learning what authentic consent is. But hey, I text the guy last night with an explanation of my "stuff" and an explicit request to have beautiful sex after a massage , I expected rejection but instead I have a "hot massage and we'll see where it goes" booked in for today 😁😳😁😁

@LeesPostersAreInFrames thank you - lots for me to think about there

Thanks everyone who has contributed. You're right it was wrong of him- but it does help hearing other people say it as somehow you still blame yourself

@Iputthescrewinthetuna don't worry I am also a person who has been a subjected to a more sexual assault - I know so well how crazy it seems to anyone outside of it the power, the importance, of denial

Sorry I meant more serious sexual assault / and I mean that strictly in the legal sense anyway

He would have no doubt had sex with you, had you not woken up and looked horrified.

I wonder how many women he's assaulted or raped since?

@Huskylover1 if he has, the only person who is accountable for that is him (for the benefit of anyone else reading this).

I'd like to apologise for my question earlier OP. I hope it wasn't upsetting for you. This is obviously a difficult and tangled situation in your mind and you're right to explore it further.

That's ok @CryptoFascist please don't feel the need to apologise. I totally understand where the question came from and part of me still wonders if I explained it differently - what ifs etc I'd have got a different answer on this thread. But I described the facts.

I am really struggling with this one - I won't go into my whole life history but I'm apparently quite well adjusted in many ways but I have a much longer trauma history than this thread which I have denied, minimised and avoided - in my own head. I have literally split things off. In this case the fact that it was a friend has prevented me seeing it for what it is but I now struggle to trust anyone at all and it's damaging me

Sorry to be crude but all depends if he slipped a finger in or not. If there’s digital penetration it’s s2 SOA 2003. None it’s sexual assault

Thanks @Karigan195 point taken!

It’s sexual assault. No apology makes up for what he did. He is only Sorry because he got caught.

@OurChristmasMiracle thank you for your reply