I've been thinking about this quite a bit recently due to my own and a friends experiences.
She has two children whose father is constantly in and out of their lives. They go to court, he gets access, sees them for a few months and then disappears. A year later he's back on the scene, takes the mum back to court, is given access again and then rinse and repeat.
I completely understand that a child has a right to a relationship with both parents. But at what point do we say, actually the impact of such a significant figure coming in and out of a childs life is actually more damaging than no relationship at all. I think especially when it comes to girls, what are we teaching them? That men come and go and treat them like crap and they should continue to accept them back into their lives because 'love'.
It seems that it isn't actually about the child's right to a father figure and more about the fathers right to a relationship with his child, completely on his terms.
In my own case, my ex had regular contact for a number of years which feel apart when he left DD's step mother and set up home with another woman. This woman in particular is just awful. Multi agency involvement in her life, children in the care system, police record, drugs, never been employed etc etc. DD's father hasn't seen her for months and months now. He was offered generous access, just not with this woman, which he refused. He is now taking me to court and i've no doubt I will be made to hand her over to them. There seems to be no thought to her emotional wellbeing, how confusing this is for her, the disparity in her 'normal' life and the life they are living.
Does anyone else have experience of this? It really concerns me that the courts seem to focus on their physical wellbeing (obviously important) but gives no thought to their emotional wellbeing and what we are teaching kids about relationships and love during their formative years.