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Original poster

Who’s the guardian to your kids in your will?

42 replies

Dollywilde · 15/03/2019 20:49

DH and are doing our wills this weekend.

Me: 1 sibling, living with her long term OH (2.5yr, not married) 45 mins from us. Same village as my parents. Mid 20s so a few years younger. No kids yet.

DH: no siblings. Mum lives 2 hours south from us. Has a big network of cousins living 2 hours north from us (so 2h 45m from my parents and nearly 5 from his mum). One cousin same age as us, well off, large house, already have kids.

He thinks his cousin would be best on account of already having children and wealth. I don’t think he understands importance of sibling relationship and keeping kid near gps. We see cousin 1/2 a year. We see my sister once a month. GPs variously ill or too old for us to name.

Any views? Obviously I sincerely hope it’s a hypothetical conversation but he thinks it’s wrong for me to auto assume it’s DSis. Who have you named in your will for guardianship?

OP posts:

CatsMother66 · 16/03/2019 00:15

My friend of 40 years. We both had children late in life and share the same values. DH and I are down as having her 3 if need be. Both her and our wills were drawn up years ago. No way would I want siblings to do it as we have different personalities and different outlooks on life.

callmekitten · 16/03/2019 00:39

Very close friend. She knows how we want DD to be raised, lives close enough that DD could stay in her school and DD and her have a strong bond. DH and I both have siblings but they do value the same things we do or share our views on life.

MsFrosty · 16/03/2019 07:51

My husband's brother and his partner. He is very similar to my husband and Iike that,if my daughter was to lose both her parents, she'd see something of one of us in her guardians. They adore her and are wonderful people as well.
However this decision put my parents noses out of joint and my husband's sisters weren't pleased either

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funmummy48 · 16/03/2019 07:57

We chose my sister-in-law on the basis that she would make a good choice regarding the well being of our children. She's the sibling my husband is closest to and holds similar views to us both. We didn't presume that the children would live with her but that she'd make an informed decision about what would be best for them.

WeeDoughball · 16/03/2019 08:11

DSis. DH is an only child and I have 1 sibling who lives 5 minutes away and has 2 DC so she's the obvious choice, especially as we see each other regularly and the DC have been together weekly with GPs for childcare in the past (now at school). I know both sets of GPs would still be heavily involved too.

EvaHarknessRose · 16/03/2019 08:19

We chose a sibling but actually now the DC are teens I would choose my dm because that would allow them to stay in the house and be local. She wouldn't have coped when they were little.

MyBreadIsEggy · 16/03/2019 08:20

My parents first - both in their early 50’s, in excellent health etc
Then my sister second - late 20’s, has one child of her own.

HotChocolateLover · 16/03/2019 08:39

Mine is my husband as first chive with my mum as second choice. DH is DS stepdad as DS real dad is a moron and lives 100 miles away from DS extended family, school and friends.

BackinTimeforBeer · 16/03/2019 09:00

My sister (other side of the world) and a friend who lives close. kids are reaching the point where they would prefer to live locally that relocate to stay with relatives - grandparents are too old and were never an option anyway - one side of the family is tight for cash and pretty awful at dealing with change or complications - I can't imagine them coping. The other side all live far away and we have very little contact with them - they were the best option when the kids were younger but removing the kids from their home environment would be devastating for them - they have asked to board locally if something happened and our will reflects that change now.

MsSquiz · 16/03/2019 09:16

We don't have children by DH and I are named as the guardians for our nephews and niece by DH's brother and his wife.

We see the children regularly, we babysit often, we are in a good financial position.

Aside from that, SIL has told me that she picked us (rather than DH's sister) because she feels we would parent the children in a similar way to how they do, and would ensure that the dc's still had a great relationship with her parents and brother.

SprogletsMum · 16/03/2019 09:25

When I get around to sorting wills, we're naming my aunt. She's got no children and is married. They're both lovely and we have 4 children, noone else would be able to accommodate so many.

AnotherEmma · 16/03/2019 09:25

My sister. Similar situation to yours; younger, living with partner, no children yet but does want children, modest income.

Money isn't an issue. In the unlikely event that DH and I both die, we have life insurance and we are leaving everything to our child(ren) in trust with the explicit statement in our will that this money can be used as the guardians and trustees see fit in order to provide for the child(ren). For example if my sister needed to buy a bigger house she could use the trust money.

IMO it's more important to choose someone who already has a relationship with the child(ren) and who you trust to respect your wishes when raising them, as well as enabling contact with other relatives.

For me it was a no brainer and it your situation it would be too. Sister you see often over cousin you barely see every time.

Pinkprincess1978 · 16/03/2019 13:39

We chose my DB and sil. They are god parents to both our DC's plus live in same town. My sil and Bil live two hours away and don't want kids themselves so I wouldn't even consider them. If I'm honest I would probably prefer my other bro and sil but they also live 2 hours away so I wouldn't want to up root the children in that way.

We need to update our will as we have so many more nieces who are not named in case all of us go together so everything would be left to sil and my two oldest nephews.

LarryGreysonsDoor · 16/03/2019 13:44

I’m down as guardian to my friends DC.
He doesn’t have siblings, her brother lives abroad and they don’t get on. Grandparents are dead. They move about quite a bit.

gigi556 · 17/03/2019 06:10

Sounds like your sister is the best option particularly because more likely to have a close relationship with the kids.

We are in a totally crap situation of no family nearby. DP family 3 hours away and my family are in the USA. DPs parents aren't in good health and his siblings aren't really.... the type of people we'd be happy raising our kids. In the end, we asked my sister and her husband said no way. I was kind of shocked as they have a daughter same age as our son and we have life insurance in place so financially our son wouldn't be a problem. Anyway, my dad and step mom agreed and they were the next best option but I guess we will have to review at a later time as they get older.

AnotherEmma · 17/03/2019 11:23

"we asked my sister and her husband said no way"

😱

Who have they asked to be guardian(s) for their daughter?

I have to say if any of my siblings wanted me to be guardian to their children I would say yes and if DH disagreed (he wouldn't) we'd have big problems in our marriage.

BibbityBobbityEars · 17/03/2019 12:54

We chose dh’s brother and his wife. They are lovely, good parents, and would love our children. We asked them first.

I was very keen to ensure that they wouldn’t end up with my parents (toxic and now too old and frail).

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