11 year old making awful faces at people and doesn’t realise she’s doing it 😣

[Persimmonn]

A few months ago dd’s teacher mentioned to me that she can make some faces at children that can be quite rude and taken the wrong way. I started to take note and I am actually really angry with dd.

Recently I’m noticing these faces 3/4 times a day. The worse last week she made a face at my friend at home when we were excited about something and my friend did an excited shout. She gave her the most deathly patronising, snide look, like she was stupid for being excited. Horrible.

This morning, we were looking around a new secondary school and some children visitors were looking around wearing Red Nose Day outfits. Again, horrible snide look at them like they were beneath her. I told her to stop it and suddenly it changed to a smile.

She says she doesn’t realise she’s doing it, I don’t know if I believe her. What do I do and how do I make her stop? Apart from telling her to realise when she’s about to do it and stop.

OP that's a tough one, what about dealing with the underlying reason ? Does she feel she is superior to those who express excitement? If so why ?

Possibly is there another family member who does it that she is unintentionally copying ? My dmum makes really nasty faces ( and in her case means them) and Dsis has them as well through learned behaviour

I have worked hard not to go the same way

My daughter has a terrible habit of rolling her eyes at people and she is adamant she is not aware of doing it - I’ve told her she needs to be aware of her facial reactions to situations but it is hard so you have my sympathy

I think you have to keep letting her know when she does it - learning to hide negative feelings about people is a life skill that everyone has to acquire and some people don't acquire it organically, they need to have it taught to them. I'm constantly surprised at how many people come into the workforce not having this skill - it's a piece of feedback we so often have to give people.

I guess pointing it out each and every time. Maybe have a code word for it if you're in public and don't want to bring attention to it to others 😬. Tricky one.

DS1 is just the same, aggravated by a teenage sense of knowing it all. He does also have some SEN and seems mortified when I've asked him about it and pointed it out. He has tried hard to control his expressions more since then, which is a good as his teachers wouldn't be impressed otherwise.