AIBU with DH family

[CrazyMoma]

Hi there,

I have been with my DH for 25 years, we have 2 kids & are happy. When i first met my DH's family i thought they were the loveliest ever, i thought they were fab & very welcoming.

Jump forward to my SIL hen do & MIL missed me off the "pre-party" list i.e. i wasn't included in warm up drinks at house & coach. I was the only person in the whole party who was expected to make their own way there. It hurt, i didn't go to the hen do. When asked why she left me out, she said she thought i was working a shift!!

Over the course of time they showed their true colours. They hold grudges & are very much do as i say & not as i do.

I have always worked FT after having second child i went part-time. MIL was always giving me a hard time over working FT she didn't agree with it but, for us at the time it was a case of needs must. I always took kids to see them cos i saw it as important. However, after a few years of being greeted at the front door by "they're here, you go now & pick them up later" or when i visited they would take the kids upstairs or outside to be "alone" with them - after a while i'd had enough started to cut visits down & now i simply don't take them.

My MIL has an opinion on everything & i just let her vent i don't wanna cause animosity as they dont ever forget what you say.

So i have been made redundant & i was devastated. Everytime i speak to MIL she's asking me have i found a job yet? I have told her that I'm taking time off, me & DH have agreed whilst kids are young i'm gonna stay at home for a couple of years. TBH i'm excited by this, i was miserable working, my DH can work away for long periods of time & i was really struggling. MIL will not let it go, i'm fuming cos when her other DIL was made redundant she said she deserved a break!! MIL said she guesses my DH could keep me for a while!!!! OMG i'm furious i could understand it if we had turned to her for money help but, we never have.

I'm not going anymore, i'm done i know she doesn't like me very much but does she have to be so damn in my face about stuff.

Am i being unreasonable? oh & BTW she has said she'll visit me in the summer for something to do after this i'm thinking unless DH is at home, i don't think so.

Has she visited you before?

No she may visit at Xmas but we go to her

well you might end up seeing eye to eye,

If she lives quite a distance away why do you need to speak to her at all? Does she call you specifically? If she calls your landline I would just ignore it and let it go to answer and your DH can get back to her. Just ignore her and concentrate on your own family.

What is your H doing about her behaviour ? How does he feel about it ? How is she with your H ?

I would back right off. To be honest I'd tell her what she does is just plane nasty and that is why she won't be involved in your family.

Why are people like this. I'm sure it's a controlling thing. What is going through their head when they do mean things ?

4if DH wants the kids to see her, he can take them. Simple. Don't go somewhere you're not only not wanted but where they can't extend basic manners.

Don't phone her and if she phones you hand it over to DH or ask her to call back later.

Stop feeding her opportunities to treat you like this.

You're kids are young and you've been together 25 years so I'm guessing you and DH were pretty young when you got together. You're not a child anymore - don't see her and if she asks why, tell her yo uare fed up of how she treats you

No, you're not being unreasonable. Just go LC and try not to have too much to do with her. Why does she think she'd be able to "visit" in the summer? Does she mean an extended stay? It all sounds very odd to me.

Take her aside at some point and quietly tell her that her son chose you - and you chose him . The rest of you weren't a choice - and you actually wouldn't have chosen to be friends with them if they were the last people on the planet - but for the sake of your children and husband, you will remain pleasant and you'd appreciated it if she does the same . And no - a visit from her would be a compromise too far -she can poke that !

Then - hopefully - she will stop trying to walk over you and she'll know where she stands . If all else fails tel her to F off !!

Thanks for you opinions guys, it helps.

I'm gonna keep my distance. I've tried (to keep the peace) to be polite but i think this is taken as i'm stupid. Next time something gets said i'll answer her back politely but firmly. Believe me i do feel i have tried with them, telling myself they are getting older & "let it go" of the comments, but more often it make no difference.