Mum asked me to leave for my little sisters sake

[Haileyp]

Hi
My little sister is 13 and struggling at the moment. She can become very violent at tiny things and most of it is aimed at me. She dislikes me but not really for any reason.
My parents are really struggling with her at the moment so my mum asked if I would move into my grandparents for a few months and see if she calms down.
I did this but me and my grandma don’t get on that well and she doesn’t want me to stay there anymore. My grandad does want me to stay but it isn’t really his decision.

My parents don’t know that I have to leave my grandparents yet but they are coping with my sister better when I’m not there because she isn’t as violent.
I’m 18 and do work but I’m on minimum wage. I can’t afford to rent a house but I may be able to afford to rent a room in lodging house if I am very careful with money.

What would you do if yoU were me and what would you do if you were my mum?
I really don’t know what to do. Any advice would be much appreciated.
Thank you.

You sound like you are doing so well and also very thoughtful.
Personally I would try to communicate exactly what you have here- could you mention the situation to your mum and say I feel things are easier for you with Dsis without me there and what do you think would be best? And tell her you are thinking of trying to manage independently if you can find accommodation.As I’m sure her response might be helpful too. She may have the pressure of your younger sister but she will absolutely care and want the right thing for you too and I hope you can work it out

I'd probably wonder why the fuck nobody wants me around, and then just rent myself a room. Your family doesn't sound the most supportive, but you need to actually look after No.1 now - yourself.

Also I know this is more your parents’ responsibility but has your Dsis had any special support as it sounds like there is something going on? Could she be helped to better control herself as that would be the best solution regardless of where you want to live

I'd ask your mum for some money to help pay rent. They have two daughters and can't just abandon you becuse you're 18 rent is ridiculous nowadays and you can't be expected to afford to live alone the second you turn 18

@buildingquote
She was assessed but they couldn’t find anything wrong. She has been extremely spoilt all her life and I think this is the outcome.
I’m trying not to bother my mum at the moment as she is so stressed.

Phone your local housing department. They may be able to help you...get your Grandmother to write you a letter stating that you're not allowed to live there any more.

Make sure she puts a date on the letter so they know there's a deadline. They may come to visit you at your Grandparent's house to ascertain that you really aren't welcome there.

Then, when the date of your leaving arrives, they will probably tell you to report to the housing office and they will get you emergency accommodation.

At best it will be a council flat or housing association flat. At worst a bedsit. It depends where you live OP and how much housing is available.

for you

Hi OP. You sound a very caring person but must feel so hurt to be out in this position by your family, whatever the reason.

How old are your grandparents and why does your grandmother not feel able to step up any more?

Good advice from HennyPennyHorror** and I'd certainly try and see if your local Housing Office can help.

You should also speak to your parents to let them know what's happening to see if they could help assist you with a regular fund for you to rent a room in a house in case the housing office can't help. Surely your parents would want to do whatever they could to help their other daughter who, through no fault of your own is in This unenviable position?

I hope you're able to get something satisfactory sorted out OP. Sending you a 🤗.

If you really don’t want to go back home, and can’t stay grandmothers.

Why don’t you have a look at how much a 1 bed flat would cost in your area
Go on gumtree or rightmove, to give you an idea.

Then go on turn2us website, put your details in and it should work it out for you. 18 yr olds can now get housing benefit.

you sound lovely!

Hopefully your mum does what she should and welcomes you home!

This is awful. At the very least your parents owe you financial support, since this is a situation entirely of their own making.
I'd be do angry in your position. If your gran wants you gone, she needs to write that letter to the housing people and do everything to help you get housed.

If I was your mum,
I’d be letting you back home( if you wanted that)
I’d be getting as much help as I could find out about your sister!
She shouldn’t be allowed to rule the household, I know it much be hard.

Why are school not involved with your sister’s problem, what about your mum getting social services involved about your sister problems?

Why doesn’t grandma want you there now? Your her granddaughter

My daughter is the same age as you. I would want you to tell me what’s happening. I would want you home.
Did you have to leave to keep yourself safe or to make it easier for your sister?
Could your grandad speak to your mum?
I have a child who can be violent (asd) I can’t imagine moving the others out. It’s my job to protect them (and to try to prevent the violence).

That is appalling, you poor thing. No advice but have some I think I'd find it very difficult to have any sort of relationship with my family after being tested so appallingly.

If your gdad wants you to stay, is there anyway of making things work there for longer?

But if I was your mum I'd want you back.

I can't imagine kicking one of mine out because the other couldn't/wouldn't get along with them.

Presumably there's no space of your own that she has to keep out of?