How do you know if a marriage is worth staying in?

[BiggerBottle]

Im in a bit of a crappy place right now with regards to my marriage. I just don't know what the hell I want to do but keep getting strong urges to want to leave. I've gone over the pros and cons so to speak and I just don't know. There isn't anything major like abuse etc but just feels so empty and lonely. How do you know what to do? We're not fighting/ arguing but communication is crap. Im having a cup of tea on the sofa and he's on the laptop. He's just ignored me when I asked him what he's up to today. We're just here in silence. Its like this most of the time. I might as well live on my own.

I'm sorry you feel this way OP, I have been in a situation where I've been lonely in a room with the same person and it sucks. How long have you been together? Do you have any kids? x

Yes. We have 3 kids. Youngest is only 18m. We've been together for 10 years. Are you still with that person? Did things improve? ScatteredMama82

How long has it been like this? Every child chicks anothet grenade into a relationship and 18 months i n you could still be in the blast zone. Our youngest is just 4 and if day it's only three last 6 months that we've started to feel like us again... though there were sone hefty MH ishoos during that period too.

What do you do in terms of self care? Do you work or are you SAHM? I think these times of relationship chill can feel much bigger when you're FT SAH. Do you have hobbies/ time out with friends or even a chance to go out with just him now and again?

I found going to a music gig was a good date night. Dinner out, whilst the easy option, put too much pressure on us to have a meaningful conversation

Sorry for the typos. Was up most of the night with a vomiting child and my phone's autocorrect has got the better of me. Ask for clarification if necessary

@BiggerBottle I am yes, but it took me telling him it was over for things to change. In fairness, it was a passive aggressive behaviour from him when he was angry rather than just day to day life but I know what you mean about feeling lonely.

Having kids, especially little ones, can really change the dynamic of a marriage. How would it be if you suggested to him a date night? I know it's cliché but it is so important to maintain your relationship. DH and I go out about once a month, we go to the cinema or our for a meal and it's lovely. Also, at home we eat together at the table, not in front of the TV so we talk to each other, and then we go and watch something (a boxset or something) that we both like. It's simple, but it's time together after the kids are in bed.

I think it's also really important to have something for yourself. It gives you some time to yourself and it also gives you something to talk about other than the kids. Do you have a hobby? There are lots of things you can do, join a choir or a craft group. Volunteer maybe.

xx

I have a big fat zero amount of me time. Not much self care. Just quick shower, get ready and in the same few clothes as can't fit into anything else! We don't get any time together either. my mental health has definitely taken a hit since baby and I did think is it something wrong with me and the marriage is something im using as an excuse.

I think you're in a dark lonely place with small children to care for and no time to yourself. Can you talk to DH about any of this? From an outsider perspective i don't think your relationship is DOA but it could probably do with some antibiotics and a little TLC. Take a deep breath, don't go making irrevocable decisions right now and try and find something for you to make your life feel a bit more positive x

Make yourself a bit of 'me' time, arrange a night out with a friend and enjoy yourself!
Don't rely on someone else to make you happy, make yourself happy and I bet you'll feel differntly about everything.
It is really important to do stuff together though, eat a meal and talk... it's so important to keep talking.

Thanks. postitnot you're right. I think because my mental health isnt too good. Im seeing everything through negative eyes. Some small steps to make me feel good I think will help

Im really glad I made this post. Thank you everyone.