I have sat and thought about how to put my pain into writing I'm so distort and can't cope anymore I have been ungoing child custody battle for over nine months now every time I go to court they extend it further, I am the applicant and the mother of my little girl, firstly all this started January last year I had told my husband that i wanted a divorce 4 months later he rang the police on me I got arrested and charged with intent to supply class b drugs I had a really small amount I had never been in trouble with the police before i have worked in the care sector for over 4 years and a qualified teaching assistant and worked with kids of all age and worked with kids with challenging behaviours. I moved to the north when I met my husband I had left my life and all I new in London to be with my parter all the abused I took from him, I'm a happy go lucky girl and ever since I met I went on to be on depression medication and my suicide attempt because of the ways he belittles me and speaks to me like dirt on his shoes. The amount of time I attempted to leave him on one occasion he came to London to bring me back at midnight. None of this has been looked all the times he raised his voice at me in front of my daughter none of this was looked the amount of this I called the police on his none was investigated or looked at. The whole time of the relationship he changed for a while we got married and I had our beautiful baby girl she's my world he never wanted her I put my foot down 9 months later I went into labour I was in labour for 22hours unfortunately my daughter heart rate stop and emergency c- section had to be done through out my pregnancy my husband treated me like I was a slave to him he was never there throughout my pregnancy my mum had to come all the way from London to look after me when I was poorly while he worked away week after week coming him to him insulting me and calling me rasicual names or saying I was fat and that I needed to watch my weight. On one occasion I was about 8 months pregnant I made him tea he screamed at me saying it had burnt this made me feel so tiny or like dirt to his shoes. After my c - section he left me while I was laid on hospital bed in pain he left to go to Kent for 3 weeks while I found on his Facebook that he was out parting with the girls from the care home that he was working at while I stayed home and did everything for my daughter with no help from his families who only lived round the corner from me. He came back after 3 weeks the first thing he said was this house is a mess and I had said I'm sorry I was in too much pain from my operation while doing everything a first time mum did with no help from him or family members. He then moved into the spare bedroom. I was no danger to my daughter for two year until I told him I was leaving because I was tired of having no help from him at all I ask him to change a nappy all I get is well it was you who wanted a baby. He took me away from my daughter the police are not looking into the domestic abuse I have to see my daughter in contact centre he doesn't even no my daughter, I had made a lot of complain to social service about the state she is when sometime when I see I was backed in a corner and told they was mellisous complains no one saw the pictures on my phone. I was going to college I took my daughter with me. I was going to work some days I took her with me.
In addition to this my ex was violent, emotionally, sexually and financially abusive. they have paid very little attention to this and in the latest report the officer makes an outrageous allegation that apparently I am unable to put the needs of our daughter before myself. I have been the sole carer for my daughter since she was a day old , while he was away and refused to help when he was home. I made sure that despite everything her needs have always been met and she has thrived. Even my solicitor and co workers wrote that I am a fantastic mother. They also wrote that ex has proved his commitment to contact?!
The abuser I went through at this relationship list goes on for over 5 years and is still going on when ever he calls and monks me. The time he spat at my face in march 2018 was never taken into consideration, the amount of times I had to make two beds because the boss chose to sleep in spare bedroom. The sleepless nights I had with my daughter's teething sleepless night if her chickenpox I never complained or moan because I new what I was getting into been a mum I love been a mum been away from my daughter it breaks my heart every day I don't no what to do with myself.
He has an answer for everything , he has stated the reason why he chose that nursery for my daughter which was false I was on a work placement for Stockton river side college I never swore yes I raised my voice I was 8 months pregnant and me and [name removed] all we did was fight and agrued about the littlest things how his food wasn't cooked right or it wasn't what h wanted to eat. All the sleepless night I was waking up to use the toilet all I did throughout my pregnancy was use the toilet all day and night. Yes this does excuse my actions I should have known better I did ring the school and had a few days off to help me cope I went on to complete my level two and three teaching and now have been offered a place at [university] to study early years education.
The entire report is an attack on me, I believe because I have made complaints about this officer before they are being completely biased. My ex who I am certain is a sociopath has wrapped this worker around his little finger and I am terrified of having to hand over my [daughter] to this monster. Every time I have complained to The local authorities they do a little investigation and take it no further - just suggest I go to my MP as I'm not happy with the conduct or process this is going.My managers and co workers wrote a statement it was disregarded in court. I have done everything they have asked I can't afford to pay for a contract centre so I go to a free one for every other Saturday for two hours I was told that if social service gets involved it would be free at the centre as I did try to get a contact centre close to my house but they are all so expensive. Cafcass are involved now the last case worker I had Mrs D she had made few comments in the last report saying I was unstable and wasn't listening to what she was saying all I did was ask her questions about the process of the fact finding hearing back in December. Please help I'm tired of waiting yes is only another 4 weeks to them to me is been over 9 months that's a third of her life every time I go to court I get the same outcome now they want the report from my counselling session they have not asked for my consent I'm very unhappy about this I cry my self to sleep every night. My last hearing was meant to be April the first as my daughters birthday is on the 11th it has now been moved to may the 8 so I'm unable to see my daughter on her birthday. I spent last Christmas on my own I was so down and depressed I took some dizapan to help me sleep as I had ran out of my medication. The dizapan passed me out and a neighbor had called the ambulance and they took me to the hospital and they had call my ex husband that because if my daughter she's not safe with me because if this. I no I shouldn't have taken them but I was so down and depresses and tired of crying all I wanted to do was sleep. They put words in my mouth saying I had lied to local authorities wish I didn't no all I said is and was true. Please help as I don't no where else to turn to I will like the last hearing to be put back to the first of April please I can't take no more I have waiting long enough please help thanks. He has made everyone thing I'm a horrible mum. I will like to state that my ex has criminal record in the past with selling and taking hard drugs which he gave me in the past the reason I was selling was to get enough money to leave him. I love my daughter to pieces she's my world I will never put her in any harm or danger just want to be heard or listened too please. Can anyone help or point me to direction for help please thanks.