An affair? Have you?

[DumbledoresArmy]

Has anyone had an affair?
Did you keep it completely secret from DH/partner?

How did it pan out?

For the record I'm not having one. Im genuinely interested as to how many people do have affairs.

No. I never would. If I stopped loving DH, I would still respect him enough to be honest and would talk to him if I were unhappy.
Affairs are very damaging all round and do untold damage.

No. I've never had anyone lined up before ending a relationship either. I am happy to dump if my relationships don't meet my needs

No, but DH did.

It panned out by wrecking the marriage, breaking my heart, leaving DC confused/angry/unhappy for quite some time - they'll never be quite the same, but the consequences aren't that detrimental.

Oh, and from what I can tell, XH is a shell of his former self. OW abandoned him on discovery, people no longer see him as an honourable person (something that mattered to him), he's lost friends (only those who were prepared to lie about his whereabouts during the affair have stayed close), the DC see him as optional rather than someone to rely on (which I think is the bit that hurts the most) and there is no sign of a new girlfriend despite trying (my friends have encountered him on OLD).

I always thought he would never have an affair because he would think less of himself and it would diminish him if he did. So perhaps there's a bit of confirmation bias going on there, because that does seem to have come to pass.

Then again, I'm not over it either, yet.

If people could see the harm, they'd do the decent thing and leave their partner without betraying them first.

Not sure I could look in the mirror at night and confirm that I was a lying shit.

Are you a journalist OP‽

Yes when I was with an ex boyfriend years ago. We’d just left uni he was my first love and suddenly everything was going wrong and we both barely spoke. I felt awful about it - totally the wrong thing to do I was just incredibly messed up at the time.

I don’t recommend!