Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Ive just done something assertive and now im shaking.

33 replies

GeorgiandI · 13/03/2019 22:07

Im literally shaking and my heart is beating. I am NEVER assertive and I may have come across a bit aggressive which I think was because I was so nervous which I regret.

Now im so worried about the ramifications of this, of hurting the other person's feelings, they'll tell everyone else and everyone will go against me.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 13/03/2019 22:09

Block out those thoughts, it's always hard the first time and comes as a shock to those accustomed to you behaving a certain way but it does get easier.

Well done.

Original poster
GeorgiandI · 13/03/2019 22:10

I've just read that back and I sound so pathetic! I literally am normally a walkover and such a wimp. Everytime I am assertive I end up feeling really bad.

OP posts:
CheekyFuckersDontGetPastMe · 13/03/2019 22:13

As long as you are happy with how you delivered, hold your head up high, take a deep breath and enjoy!

Original poster
GeorgiandI · 13/03/2019 22:14

Yes, I think the person was quite surprised and I really don't think they liked what I said and I did get an apology (even though it probably wasn't sincere though that's not the point) . Fuck. My heart is still racing

OP posts:
Original poster
GeorgiandI · 13/03/2019 22:16

Love your username! I need some of that!
CheekyFuckersDontGetPastMe

Like I said I think I came across as a bit aggressive. I guess it's a learning curve.

OP posts:
Babdoc · 13/03/2019 22:22

Part of that “heart racing” feeling may be exhilaration, OP! A sense of excitement and achievement that you have not been a doormat, that you’ve stood up for yourself at last.
Keep practising being assertive. It will get easier.
Women are socialised to be submissive people pleasers from childhood onwards- it’s not easy to break that conditioning, but it’s vital in order to be respected as an adult. And there’s a difference between assertive and aggressive. You need to project calm, firm confidence, believing in yourself, rather than being shouty or angry.
Well done you, for that big first step!

HollowTalk · 13/03/2019 22:25

That's fantastic! And you got an apology. Who cares if it wasn't sincere? If they didn't know they were in the wrong you wouldn't have had an apology.

Singleandproud · 13/03/2019 22:28

I remember doing this, I once stood up to my very bullying aunt who was being really horrible to my dad (he had just spent 6 months caring for my GParents who were very elderly and had cancer). I was shaking and felt sick for ages afterwards however it was very liberating, I had spent my entire childhood listening to her belittle and be nasty about every one else and I had had enough.

ReanimatedSGB · 13/03/2019 22:41

Well done! Totally understandable that you feel a bit wobbly afterwards. Once or twice I have been in situations that have been all 'This is the right thing to do, I have to do it, I am scared but I am a Big Tough Old Bat and therefore I will do it' and then been queasy for hours afterwards.

dadshere · 13/03/2019 22:42

I am very brave in emails, but when I need to get someone to toe the line in person, I normally buckle. DH wants me to hire him as my assistant to do the 'dirty work' for me.

BumbleBeee69 · 13/03/2019 22:42

never apologise for being assertive lady, well done Flowers

coffeeismyspinach · 13/03/2019 22:46

Good on you! You're feeling exhilarated. You'll get used to it. It'll become second nature. And it's NOT rude. They're the rude ones.

BestestBrownies · 13/03/2019 22:52

Come on then OP. Share the juicy details.

64sNewName · 13/03/2019 22:55

Well done OP! I know the feeling. It’ll get easier though (hopefully)

ReggieWoo · 13/03/2019 22:56

Well done you.

BiltongBetty · 13/03/2019 23:11

Well done! You'll find it will get easier each time you do it.

winterisstillcoming · 13/03/2019 23:16

Well done! Reflect on how it went and how much better you'll be next time. Also become familiar with that heart racing, face burning, twitchy eye or whatever it is and accept it as part of what you have to do to get your point across. The more you do it the better you'll be.

TheSerenDipitY · 13/03/2019 23:16

well done.... now do it again... and again... and again until you feel like you are not being taken advantage of, or taken for a fool... once you are over the self doubt you will feel proud of yourself and more confident

PurpleDaisies · 13/03/2019 23:17

What actually happened?

Original poster
GeorgiandI · 13/03/2019 23:31

Thanks everyone. Oh gosh this feeling of anxiety of oh shit what have I done is just calming down. Ive been so unassertive and a doormat for so long it feels wrong. I need to change my thought processes and how I think about it. But you're all right. I can't wait to do it again though I definitely need to fine tune it for future.

OP posts:
Original poster
GeorgiandI · 13/03/2019 23:33

I can't say what it was. Its very mundane and not juicy in the slightest,. Im afraid!

OP posts:
DanglyTassles · 13/03/2019 23:41

Don;t be afraid, be brave! You ARE brave, you told someone what you wanted and they heard you!

Good for you! Don't be afraid, what is the worst thing that could happen now? What is the best thing?

This is the start of a new life for you lived on your own terms! x

MaryBoBary · 13/03/2019 23:47

OP I had the same thing a few weeks ago. I actually burst in to tears after because I just felt so overwhelmed and both scared and proud like you have said. I haven’t done anything similar since as not had a need to, but I kind of feel like it’s my little secret, and I now know that if I need to; I can. Be proud Smile

MrsFrTedCrilly · 13/03/2019 23:55

Well done
Deep breath and a large dose of no fucks given and you’re sorted.
Feels strange at first to stick to your guns, be very proud GO YOU @GeorgiandI Flowers

Original poster
GeorgiandI · 13/03/2019 23:56

MaryBoBary Aww bless. I know what you mean about wanting to cry. It was such a rush and overwhelming feeling, I was literally shaking afterwards. It was awful. Im still thinking about it. Its bloody crazy!

OP posts: