Really quick and stupid question over how best to phrase something!

[Catscratchclub]

Ds dad and I don’t get on so rarely text / communicate. He isn’t overly involved in Ds life so we won’t see him now till text month.

He offered me some money towards something for Ds and it would be reaaaaalllly useful if he sent it. He said he would transfer it on Sunday, I sent a text on Monday saying “think you might of forgot but I checked bank and money isn’t in” he replied that he hadn’t forgot, the transfer would be in on Tuesday. No guesses that it’s not in.

I hate having to ask him again as it’s a power thing on his behalf..... but the money would be SO useful.

How do I best phrase it without being overly nice or confrontational, or without giving him any satisfaction in me having to ask?!!

Tall order eh?! Thank you for any suggestions!

Oh Oddcat that’s bloody brilliant!! I would have loved to of seen his face, and I so hope your DD had an amazing time

I just don’t get it. I would literally give my last breath for DS. He’s such a lovely child, who’s had a really rough time lately. I don’t understand how someone who’s meant to love him can let him down so badly - not birthday related, just generally. I want to kill his dad for not realising how much he is fucking up. Probs just as well he is in another country and I can’t get hold of him to be fair!

They either don't see or don't care that by behaving like this they hurt their children.

There's a saying that I have trotted out many times over the years:

You should love your children more than you hate your ex.

Any chance you’ve got some bits lurking that could be popped on eBay or something?

You sound like a wonderful parent. DS is getting more love from just you than I, and other kids, got from having two parents.

Thank you middleclass that made me all teary reading that!

Poss outing myself here, but Ds thinks he’s going to legoland for his birthday. We are at opp end of the county so it’s a 2 night hotel break and I’ve managed to do it with vouchers and cheap hotel bookings. I can try and make it up to him with cheaper local day trip alternatives but it’s not the same to him really.

I’ve already sold lots on fb selling groups to get the money for the trip together that I do have. I’ve sort of run out of time now though!

My mums just suggested texting his mum with fake concern asking if he’s okay as he hasn’t put money in my account for Ds birthday and we haven’t heard from him so hopes he’s okay as I know he wouldn’t want to let Ds down. Possibly a tactic for tomorrow as I don’t have much else to lose at this point!

Right, nothing else to be done tonight so I’m going to goto bed. Thank you all for being so helpful and lovely, It’s really helped having all your opinions and input tonight.

I’ll report back if I make any progress tomorrow!

He really is a shit Op - hope you find a way to make it happen.

Good luck! Really sounds great. We believe in you!

Wow what a dick move on his part. I feel sorry for you and ds having to deal with him.

I would not be making up excuses like glitches but go for reverse psychology around the finances.

Men with egos like your ex generally go the other way to prove you wrong

"Sorry to see you can't afford the money toward the present your son is very much looking forward to. He'll understand"

Or what Oddcat said

You sound like such a lovely mum - you don't need two parents when you have one fantastic one xx

I just wanted to come back and update and thank you all again for your lovely comments. It made me really emotional reading them as I worry constantly at the moment that I’m not enough for DS and I’m letting him down.

I decided I had nothing to lose so sent another Whatsapp (still blocked) 2 text messages and 2 phone calls. No response. I then put it a (polite!) comment on his Facebook business page asking him to contact me as he wasn’t responding to phone calls / Whatsapp’s / messages and literally 3 minutes later I’ve had a text saying he will transfer the money now.

I know it was a low blow to go public and I know I have zero dignity left now, but you know what? It’s worth it if it means Ds gets the birthday he was hoping for.

Thank you all again. I will have one very happy birthday boy I hope

Not a low blow at all Op - he's the low life who isn't taking proper care of his son, whereas you've absolutely nothing to be ashamed of at all - you're putting your son above everything else.

Brilliant Op , well done!

It's so difficult being a single parent especially when money is tight and it's natural for us to want to give our children the things they want.

But it's the things they need that are more important- love, stability, good role model etc and it sounds like your son is getting all of that from you x

I hope he has a birthday to remember x

🤞🏽

It wasn’t low. He’s low.

You sound like an awesome mum