Chosen to stop at one child. Ok when you and they are older?

[wellly]

We have one dc who is 7. I thought we would have 2 kids but I've never really had the urge for a second. I kept hoping it might kick in as they got older. I'm now almost too old to change this and I am wobbling but dc seems very happy, we are very happy .. I think I am struggling with confidence in my decision because of what may lie ahead. Will it be harder to have an only when they are older or easier? At the moment it's fine.. we have lots of friends over dc is happy and never lonely. We have plenty of money, can do what we want, can have nice days out..

Will I look back when I am 50 and think why didn't I try for another, will I look at my dc and feel sad that they will never be an uncle or aunt? Will I worry about them being alone in the world when we pass?
Am I missing something? I wish something had kicked in to make me want another but it hasn't. Dh feels the same. He thinks he might be a bit sad in the future if we didn't have another but he is quite happy as we are

Any mums of onlies by choice who are a bit older and can advise me?

My mum is one of four siblings and the amount of wrangling and discontent that goes on, surrounding care for my elderly grandmother is awful. There is a LOT of bad feeling, mainly from my mum as she thinks she does the lions share.

My mum can be very hard work, so when she is in need of care in her later years, I am very glad that I can share, what I fear will be a massive burden, with my brother.

However, I only have one child and I am adamant that I will never be a burden to him when i'm elderly. I will finance my own care so that he doesn't have to worry about that.

we have an only. he`s 11 and its wonderful. we do whatever we want as a 3 some. with only 1 we can afford to do more stuff etc! we please ourselves

I have an only and love it. No squabbling to deal with! No jealousy! No trying to split your attention between two, and feeling bad for one of you're caught up dealing with the other.

The risk as you get old is having a child with additional needs, so potentially increasing future demands on your existing child rather than alleviating them.

DD says she'd like a sibling, which makes me feel slightly regretful, but she only wants an older sister, so with the best will in the world (I originally wrote "willi", which works too), there's not much I can do about it.

62 year old only with a 26 year old only. No regrets.

My friend who has a brother and a sister still gets lumbered with caring for her elderly mum and that causes such friction between everyone.
I had my dad living with us for several years until his death. I loved it and still miss him(and my mum) terribly nearly a decade on.
We are very close to our son but I have no illusions about the future, I wouldn't expect him to care for us in our dotage.

My daughter always told me she was very happy to be an only child.
No sharing, no arguing, just her own little bedroom with her own little treasures in there, and things she liked to eat for her dinner.

My friend is an only married to an only and they met and married fairly late, and had two children in quick succession in their late 30s. Now in her early 40s she can't work because both her parents and both his parents are still alive and all are very demanding and have care needs ranging from needing help with DIY and shopping and cleaning to having carers for basic care, plus two children under 5. Obviously her husband is responsible for his own parents but they found one of them needed not to work because of the massive 24/7 caring burden, so he works a lot as sole earner.

Onlies shouldn't marry onlies unless their parents have put watertight well financed plans in place for their old age. The emotional burden remains even then.

It's very environmentally friendly to just have one child though, so I am glad people do!

Growing up I was perfectly happy as an only. As an adult though, I do feel I miss out with not having a sibling. My children don't have an aunt or uncle (married an only too), nor any Cousins to grow up with.
I understand not everyone gets along with their siblings, but it would have been lovely to have had the option.

only children have to deal with all the shit of parents on their own, but then they do not have to deal with all the shit of having siblings who argue about it, or leave all the work to you and take the credit, etc, etc.

I have one DD who is married with DC. I do feel sad as she has been through a lot and I wish she had siblings to support her through the bad times as well as to share the good. Some of her friends have let her down badly over the years. I am very close to one of my DBs and we just ‘get’ each other. My other DB I was very close to growing up but not so much now though there is still a lot love between us. I wish she had a sibling she was as close to as I am with DB1 and I feel I’ve let her down. Though as lots of posts, and from my friends experiences, it’s no way a given that siblings will be close as adults. Certainly when it comes to care of elderly parents there has always been the one who does virtually everythIng. I was in that position when mine were ill/dying as one DB lives overseas and the other at the other end of the country. I lived 5 mins from DPs so it was me who cared for them. j

Thanks for all your comments. It's very helpful