son suicidal

[OvertheRainbow2U]

Does anybody have experience of this issue? I would welcome any advice please. My son has complex mental health issues and has slipped through the NHS net (which is common with MH issues I know). He's shut himself away and hardly communicates - when he does he sends ranting texts full of anger and confusion. Was found by police at a local well known suicide point the night before last. This is the first serious attempt and he had been giving warning signs for several weeks beforehand. I have asked is GP to refer him back to the mental health team but don't have much faith. He is a very unhappy but loving 21 year old young man. He has a history of abuse, a disjointed childhood due to behavioural issues, a diagnosis of adhd, odd, anxiety, depression and Aspergers. None of which have ever been appropriately dressed - because he will not let any professionals anywhere near him and he's a clever bugger - he can make people think that he's fine and it's all a fuss about nothing. He is not fine. I am very scared for him, I'm supporting him mainly via messenger as he simply refuses to let me into his flat - he just pokes his head around the door. Apologies for rambling - I hope that somebody can make sense of it and offer any tips - anything, thanks

Some hopefully useful links:

www.nidirect.gov.uk/articles/mental-health-emergency-if-youre-crisis-or-despair

www.yourhealthinmind.org/get-help/helping-a-suicidal-person

Someone who’s having suicidal thoughts may not ask for help, but that doesn’t mean they don’t want help and support. It can be difficult finding the words to express what they are feeling.
If you're concerned about someone, you could:
• show you care by asking saying something like: 'I’m worried about you and I want to help'
• discuss suicide – asking about it won’t put the idea in people’s heads. You could ask then: ‘Do you feel like harming yourself?’ or ‘Do you feel like ending your life?’
• call for help and encourage them to look for help. You could say: ‘You are not alone and there are people who can help you out of this situation’ or ‘I will stay with you until you get help’

Don't avoid talking about suicide. Discussing suicide in an open, non-judgmental, sensitive, discreet and practical way can allow someone in crisis to know they aren't alone and help is available.

So sorry you’re going through this. Would the helpline Young Minds be able to offer any advice? I’m sorry I have no experience to share. Thinking of you and good luck.

For your own support you could also try Samaritans? Must be absolutely devastating to try and stay strong.

Thanks very much, I have experience in mental health through my workplace (NHS), trouble is my son will not ask for help (he was only found as a concerned friend on FB called the police). I have given him a list of services as you mentioned Bambii thank you. I've told him that he is not alone, I am always there for him and that I'd really like it if he could come and stay with me. He won't though. I have a feeling that things are going to get worse - a crisis point will be reached. I worry that he will commit suicide due to the thoughts in his head - but I think he just wants these thoughts to stop - not actually be dead. I really hoped the police would take him the local psych ward for assessment. Unfortunately they just took him home (he would have blagged his way out of it)..I am not afraid of talking about suicide with him - but over messenger and with his head poking out of the door this isn't really sitting down and getting to the bottom of it. Thanks for any advice given , thank you

@OvertheRainbow2U if he won't talk then you do continue to communicate via messenger and be open with him, remind him again and again that help is available if he wants to reach out and that he is very loved.

On another note, have you thought about his eating situation? When people suffer from depression they sometimes let go and stop caring for themselves properly. Maybe cook his favourite meals and take them round to him a few days a week, that way you're also seeing him more, it's ok if he doesn't want you to come in, you can drop them off and have a brief word.

I imagine partly why he won't let you in is because his flat is a mess. Maybe offer to help with tidying? It's amazing how the clutter and mess around you can affect your state of mind.

Good luck Xx

Is he ill enough to be sectioned?

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/legal-rights/sectioning/#.XIflZLenxkw

You can request a mental health assessment for him.

"Anyone can request a mental health assessment by contacting your local social services or community mental health team. However, the local social services team only has a duty to consider a nearest relative's request." If they decide not to treat him they need to confirm this in writing.

I've been in your shoes and would advise you to ask them (if they take no action) to record your concerns and should anything happen to your son you will be holding them responsible.

Useful info here:

www.nhs.uk/using-the-nhs/nhs-services/mental-health-services/mental-health-act/

@OvertheRainbow2U does your son like pets? I've read that a kitten or puppy can make a huge difference and take him out of his own mind for a while. Hope you're ok xx

Thanks all for your advice, I do pop his meals in - most days, his flat is a bombsite - I've bought him laminate flooring as his carpet was dreadful - I've also dropped off cleaning products galore in the hope that he'll clean. I will consider referring him to the MH team. Things appear to be settled (today) but can change at any time I know. I'd love to get him a pet but he is not allowed pets in his flat. I'll keep on keeping on - thanks very much again all

@OvertheRainbow2U happy to help with suggestions, I feel for you.

That's a shame about pets as I have read pets (even turtles of fish) can make a big difference to mental health. I thought his flat would be a bomb site - that can often make the depression worse. Maybe you could get him a one off cleaner to get it looking good, that might go a long way to clear his mind a little.

Good luck