Could do with a bit of advice on this:
We see my DHs family every couple of months, we live about 2.5 hours away from each other. We have 5 kids between us ranging from 4-15. The format is ALWAYS the same. Hang out somewhere family friendly – park/seaside for the afternoon, followed by dinner either out or at home, followed by drinking at home till the small hours. Then massive hangovers in the morning with all the plans for days out put on hold/cancelled.
As you may have guessed, my issue is with the drinking & hangovers. Basically my DSIL becomes a nightmare, an emotionally unhinged teary idiot. My DH tries to placate her and ends up staying up drinking with her, or stays up with her DP when she has stormed off in a huff. I don’t have a good enough relationship with her to talk to her frankly but I do believe she has a drinking issue due to her Jekyll and Hyde nature. (I say this as someone who enjoys a glass or three of wine) .
I’m so v v bored of repeating the same pattern over and over. I think I’ve tried everything:
Limit our trips to them as day trips – but they always stay over when they come to us (we take turns depending on birthdays etc)
‘Run out’ of wine – They miraculously have more in the car
Go to bed at a reasonable hour – They all stay up
Drag DH to bed – DSIL & DP stay up v late & I’m left literally holding their baby in the morning (yes, I send DC4 in to ‘wake mummy & daddy up’, still doesn’t change anything, in fact the other 4 kids get roped into childcare).
Obviously the thing missing off this list is me or DH talking to her. We have tried in the past but we’re both cowards. She takes everything so personally, and goes on the attack if she’s criticised (this is when she’s sober!). I’m also conscious of rocking the boat, she’s the type who will cut you out of her life if she feels slighted. DH also feels guilty and is reluctant to bring it up (DH is older than DSIL and v obviously MIL’s golden child, they also had more money and he got to go to uni while DSIL didn’t as they couldn’t afford it – One of the many chips DSIL has on her shoulder).
In her defence, she’s a wonderful mum and she does the bulk of the work with my MIL. I have put up with this for so long (over 10 years since we moved closer to them), I worry things can’t change, but they really can’t go on like this. I’d really appreciate any advice.