I need serious help

[Serbaurus]

I dont know if this is the right place but it's an Avenue I'm willing to go down, im a father of 4 boys, not a very good one basically the past couple years I've done as little as possible and ignored my wife due to her cheating on me a few years back, we never really spoke about things and sweeping it under the rug did not help, so I lost emotion and felt like what was the point, once again due to this time me ignoring her and not giving her anything she went else where yet again, but now she also says she is no longer "in love" with me, we have been going to couple council for a few weeks and I did feel things where improving but I now think it was all a lie and just a cover up as she is scared to break up the home, my head is so confused I want to be here for her and help her and I want to right the wrongs mostly I do not want to leave my boys I love them so so much just thinking about it brings me to tears, but I cant help but think I'm causing the sadness in the house hold I think will it be better if I just packed a bag and left for good, leave everything so I cant be found and let them all live a happier life, can someone please help me I'm torn ......

You came on here asking for help, you have been given help yet you won't take any of the advice given and are finding excuses as to why you can't leave her.

If you are as unhappy as you say then find the strength to leave so you can be sting enough to still deal with DC but away from the woman who cheated on you.

You wife does not need you as much as you think she does.

Your right Reaa, I think that's my biggest problem, it's a big thing to just leave everything you have known for the past 14 years, I do keep looking for excuses, I guess I'm just to scared of the unknown or something, honestly I dont know, regardless of the troll on here my situation is very real how ever messed up it seems, but if it wasn't messed up I wouldn't be here, again thank you for your replies, I dont know if I'm too scared to leave or just dont want to even if it is the wrong path.

Then leave for a few weeks, see how you all manage, find new routines, new ways of the wife managing without you.

Create some head space for yourself.

She certainly, was not thinking of you, while she was with another man.

You say it brings you to tears thinking about leaving your kids, you say you love them. Then don't leave them, leave your marriage. Co-parent, don't disappear so you can't be found. What's the sense in that? Your kids will just grow up to think you're a coward who left them and didn't love them.

Well we spoke last night, had 3 choices, 1 I leave, 2 she leaves or 3 we live under the same roof in separate beds and try and be there for the boys, we have chosen number 3 and going to try it out, hopefully things will get better with this path, at the very least we can say we tried all possible amicable paths. Thanks to all who shared there thoughts.

and they are called councillors No they are called counsellors, as are all counsellors. Councillors do indeed work at the Council.

It was a bit shitty to point out your error in the first place mind you.

Hi everyone it's been a wee bit since last on, since then we have agreed the marriage is irretrievable and started separation during this process we agreed to get separate beds but remain in the same house for the boys, just being friends u yip one of us found a suitable home to move to, unfortunately she couldn't stick to this and ended up contacting the guy she had an affair with last year so I told her I cant live under the same roof as her with that going on, we then agreed to me staying at my mums Monday to Friday but would visit Monday and wed to stay for tea and pit the boys to bed and Friday she would go to her mums until Sunday, all seemed fine until Saturday where our 8yo tried calling her because his little brother and himself wanted to say hi, she ignored his calls, he messaged her asking why she isn't picking up and all she said was sorry, then he asked where she was and she said grans, he then called again and still no answer he then started to cry because he didn't understand how she can message him but not answer, by this point I was not happy I called her but she didn't answer so I called her moms house phone and her mum answered I asked if she could be put on and her son was wanting to speak with her and was told she wasn't there and was not sure if she would be back or not, fortunately the phone she uses is my own and I can see the bill which shows recent usage after looking at this I noticed a call made to a hotel in dunfermline, turns out her new bf booked a room there for them and they went out there and the main reason she wouldn't answer is because she was with him, am I over reacting to this or is it inexcusable for a mother to ignore over 20 calls from her 8yo and not once ask of he was ok or if anything was wrong? She had time to call her dad and even text her so called friend who has started being aggressive to her!