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Original poster

Married, pregnant and can’t stop thinking about another man

26 replies

superdry1 · 10/03/2019 13:06

Hi, please don’t judge!
I really need advice
So I’m married have been for 2 years but been with him 11 years (I’m 28)
I do love him but since we got married things have changed a lot, I feel more like we’re friends now, I’ve spoke to
Him countless times about it,
I have since been talking to
This other guy just as friends but things have turned to more, only messages we haven’t don’t anything physically,
He is there whenever I need to
Talk about how I’m feeling etc, he makes me feel like me again, I am now pregnant with husbands baby (6 months) other guy knows about this and has continued supporting me, he has told me he now has a girlfriend but he doesn’t want to stop talking with me and says things like he still thinks about being with me etc, I’ve really fallen for him and since finding out he has a girlfriend now I just feel so sad all the time, I don’t no what to do I just feel so lost in my life right now

OP posts:
BeGoodTanya · 10/03/2019 13:14

You almost certainly haven't 'fallen for him', you're just mildly bored by your marriage, and probably at some level anxious about your pregnancy and parenthood, and the changes that will bring -- the other guy is cheap thrills, precisely because you don't have a long history with him, and there's no need for conversations about domestic gruntwork or trying to put together a flatpack cot without killing your spouse. I think he sounds sleazy and exploitative, not some knight in shining armour.

This is a crush, and, while cutting contact with him will require self-control and strength, the 'addiction' to the thrill of his attention will fade with time, especially when you are three months or so away from a major life change. Concentrate on your unborn baby, and the good things about your relationship, and the fact that you are shortly going to give birth to a new person you are both going to be besotted by.

If you don't have the strength of mind to do it for yourself, or for your marriage, then do it for your baby. He or she deserves more than to be born to a mother short-changing her marriage for a crush on another man. Imagine discovering your mother had spent her pregnancy with you sexting some random.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

hidinginthenightgarden · 10/03/2019 13:59

You need to cut this man out before your husband finds out and you destroy the home you created for your baby!
It isnt fair on any one. You are having an emotional affair right now, seeking what your DH isn't offering.

You are about to have a child. Focus on that. Try to enjoy your pregnancy.

Singlenotsingle · 10/03/2019 14:07

There comes a stage when everyone gets bored with their partner, unless they're very lucky. If you left DH for this OM, it would happen again. It's wishing for the moon. You have to work at keeping your relationship fresh (boring, I know).

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
BooseysMom · 10/03/2019 14:11

Totally agree with both above posts. Having a baby is such a huge thing and will change your life forever. That gorgeous little bundle is going to need two devoted parents as soon as he is born so i'd say try to move on from the crush. It's funny as I've been married for only 2 years and with DH for 14 years so we're similar and the thrill isn't like it was when we first met but when you're with someone that long you have to expect it will change and hopefully become something much deeper based on trust. Your DH needs to know he can trust you and you him. Good luck..oh and congratulations on your pregnancy Flowers xx

DisplayPurposesOnly · 10/03/2019 14:29

Cut contact with the other guy (I know thats easy to say and hard to do). Re-connect with your existing friends for actual friendship.

Think hard about your relationship. Is it fixable, do you want to be in it?

Mumtobesjs · 10/03/2019 14:39

Thanks all for the replies, I think your all saying what I actually no deep down, I just can’t seem to find a way out of it, maybe I’m not a strong enough person because I almost feel he’s an addiction, I try so hard to forget about him and not have contact but then I find myself replying as soon as I do, Im glad to hear I’m not alone, everything is just really over whelming me at the moment
Thanks for your Replies anymore are more than welcome

BeGoodTanya · 10/03/2019 15:04

He is an addiction, OP, and you need to kick it, just as you would smoking, or any other habit you knew wasn't doing you any good. You probably gave up some foods or drinks or some hobby when you discovered you were pregnant, and you kept off whatever it was, because you knew it was best for you and your baby -- you need to take the same approach to cutting contact with this man.

GlassHeart1 · 10/03/2019 15:10

Nothing makes you grow up as much as having a child and all responsibilities that go with it. Just get over next 3 months and u will have hands full.

Plus I don't think many men would feel close and caring to a stranger's child and share your sleepless night with the same enthusiasm.

It's probably hormones that affect your (misplaced) emotions at the moment.

Look up how to get over a crush, but I believe cutting contact and finding real friends is the best start.

ShabbyAbby · 10/03/2019 15:37

How is your social life and support network? I would be talking to my female friends or family members mum/aunt/sister/cousin, whoever I was close to, not talking to a man who has nothing to do with my life or future

Mumtobesjs · 10/03/2019 18:38

Thanks for the replies,
Yeah I do have a great circle around me of friends and family and I no I can talk to them and they would understand but I guess I see all them as having perfect lives,(I no it can be a show) but they all seem genuinely happy in there marriages and are all good happy mums and I want to be that that’s why I go along pretending to them that all is ok and I get my escape and release from this guy, I no your all right in saying I should cut him off and I will certainly try and I would advise anyone else to do the same, but I admit I’m struggling, struggling with a lot of things, the thought of having a baby terrifies me, how much my life will chance and terrifies me, I genuinely loved my life before I was pregnant and I no this must sound selfish as I do want and already love this baby but I’m worried if I’m feeling like this now how will I feel once babies here, I’m unsure if I want to be with my husband forever but I feel totally trapped now I’m having his baby andthats so unfair because he’s going to make a great dad, I just feel I’ve got myself in to a big hole and I’m panicking about the future from
Here on

Palominoo · 10/03/2019 18:46

He sounds horrible and weak. He could understand that sniffing around a pregnant married woman's tail is a really low thing to do and not take advantage of you feeling down in your marriage as well as him being a complete cunt to his girlfriend.

Mumtobesjs · 10/03/2019 19:09

Yeah I no your right, we’ve been talking for over a year now I should of ended it sooner but now My emotions are all over The place my feelings are heightened, and I do feel different now he has a girlfriend I feel bad which is shit I no cause I should care more about hurting my
Husband that him having a girlfriend

Mumtobesjs · 12/03/2019 21:37

Just really struggling lately with everything

Palominoo · 12/03/2019 22:36

Do you not think he's being a sly shit to his girlfriend by carrying on with your chummy little chats? Why would you even give the smarmy creep the time of day?

He's not supporting you, he's massaging his ego by having you dangling around mistakenly believing that he is your saviour.

Mumtobesjs · 14/03/2019 19:31

@palominoo yeah your right, I think I do realise that he isn’t my saviour and probably did just like the fact I was married and also messaging him,
I havnt been totally blameless I guess because I’ve also been using him to make myself feel better, when I feel down I message him and he cheers me up, it’s crazy and makes no sense and in an ideal world I wouldn’t want it to be this way I just
Feel like I’m in a part of my life right now where I’m really struggling and I’m hanging on to anything that keeps me partly sane, I do think if I wasn’t pregnant and if he was still single then I would probably want to be with him, for so long before I was pregnant and before he had a girlfriend he would always tell me
How much he liked me and wanted to be with me and I was the one that kept pushing him away I think I maybe used him back then, non of this is ok and I’m not justifying it and I hate what it would do to my husband and his girlfriend but I’m being selfish because hanging on to him is the only thing that makes me feel like I can actually breath right now x

Shadow1234 · 14/03/2019 20:59

Think you have a name change fail OP

Mumtobesjs · 14/03/2019 21:06

Sorry what do you mean?

Shadow1234 · 15/03/2019 23:08

You started off as 'Superdry1', but now your responses are coming back with the name 'mumtobesjs'. Did you name change so that no one recognised you through your original post? because it seems to have failed. Just thought you might want to know in case it would be of concern to you

Mumtobesjs · 16/03/2019 07:58

No I changed my name because somehow when signing up autocorrect filled in ‘superdry1’ and I didn’t notice until I was reading the comments back so I changed it in my account settings, no fails or things to hide here but thankyou for your concern

Shadow1234 · 17/03/2019 00:16

Oh right - ok, no worries.

Bluesheep8 · 17/03/2019 07:38

I had the same concern about the name change fail. Glad it was unintentional. It's very easy to "fall for" the way a person makes you FEEL rather than falling for the actual person, iyswim. Particularly when you're emotionally vulnerable (pregnancy hormones?) No real advice, but stop and think about whether it's how he makes you feel rather than the person themselves. If you're honest, it's mainly messages were talking about here, it could be ANYONE sending them. Plus it's also very easy to say things you don't have any intention of acting on.

Mumtobesjs · 17/03/2019 21:24

Yeah your right, he does make me feel
Good about myself but I am probably thinking of him as someone who
Can save me, save me from
All the anxiety’s I’m
Having which at the moment is a lot (yes plus all the hormones making things a lot worse)
But it doesn’t mean he means any of it and I am starting to see now that maybe it
Is just him telling me what I want to hear, I need to get him off this pedistol and thinking he’s some amazing man because more than likely he won’t be anything like what I’m imagining in my head x

BooseysMom · 19/03/2019 16:46

Good luck op. It sounds horrible what you're going thru right now x

Mumtobesjs · 19/03/2019 20:59

Thankyou, I hate it, such a crappy way to
Feel and situation to be in, I no people have it a lot worse than me but knowing that doesn’t make it any easier, just getting through and over it a day at a time, thanks for your message x

Laiste · 19/03/2019 21:44

I’m unsure if I want to be with my husband forever but I feel totally trapped now I’m having his baby

this is what is causing you to mentally jump to this other guy. He's a symptom not a cause.

You're not trapped and not stuck with anyone.