Need to set boundaries for child calling to house

[Shutthebox]

I need some help! This is a situation which has built up over the past year and a bit with a kid/family in my street. They are really good friends with my DC and I love the fact that they are able to spend time together. They go to different schools so only see each other in the holidays/evenings/weekends.

Problem is that the other child only ever seems to come here. Even when my DC knocks at their house they always end up back here. At weekends I am starting to dread the knock on the door and invariably try to plan something to get us out of the house. In the evening the other child Sometimes knocks after 7pm and it has been as late as 8pm! I do say no often and have tried to enforce a time limit by sending them home after an hour or at a certain time but very often they are back within the hour knocking on the door and my DC is super keen to see them.

Other child’s parents are nice, but I know that at the weekends the mum works from home and essentially I am doing childcare for them.

I have seen this situation on mumsnet so many times and know I will be told to say no and send the child away but I do want my child to have a friend around just not so often.

How can I start setting boundaries, what words do I use which are firm but not unfriendly?

I am definitely not brave enough to be frank with the parents.

You need to tell your child straight what is acceptable and what isn't so that your child is on board.

Then say to the other child that sometimes it's not OK just to call round an soerhaos her/his mum should give a ring first.

Tell them their mum needs to call you before they come over. Also its ok to say you are having family so no play dates

Hmm. Mum and dad don’t have my phone number so maybe I should give it to them. We live about seven houses apart on opposite sides of the street. It’s a dead end street and in the holidays all the kids play out together going from one house to the other.

7-8pm is ridiculous. That’s dinner and bed time. You need to speak to the mum and make it clear that the latest suitable time to call is 5pm and friends have to leave by 6pm (or whatever time suits you). Why on earth is the other kid out so late?!

You also need to tell your DC to stop bringing the friend to your home. If they go out to knock for the friend they need to stay out because the friend won’t be allowed in your house. Is the issue that your DC is choosing to bring the friend home, or is your DC not allowed in the friend’s house?

Pop along and speak to the parents. Set out the boundaries to them not to the child.

Make it super friendly. Let them know how glad you are they are friends however you would like to make sure you are free before they come. Give her your phone number and ask her to call and ask in advance. Not text as that opens you up to her saying little Johnny is in his way and you get no chance to say no!

Thanks and aaargh. I find it sonhard to be assertive.

Just say something along the lines of ‘it was lovely having you over but you need to get back now. See you next week at 3 in the afternoon because we’re busy in the morning’

I would put a rule in place with the children. Eg you can play out together on a Monday and Thursday after school, and a Saturday afternoon. The rest of the time your child has homework/chores/family time. If the other child calls round outside of those times just firmly say “today is not a data X can play. But they can come out and play on Thursday like I told you before”. With a smile, but firmly.