My baby is making me utterly depressed. I cannot cope.

[chutzpahaha]

She's just turned one.
She doesn't sleep well at night or nap well. She needs me to hold her in my arms or she just wakes up as soon as I put her down.
She wakes up a gazillion times at night. I am in a constant state of utter exhaustion.
I get zero time away from her. She is so clingy. She cries for no reason. Even if in in the same room she will whine.
I have no life. I have no time to myself. I've become so ratty and snappy with dh and the other kids. I can't do anything that needs doing and it really stresses me out. My house umus turning into a mes. Im not happy. I just want to run away.
And it's all because she's hard work.
I look at other mums at playgroup and their kids are happy and sleeping through and it makes me so sad.

Hey, someone with actual advice will be along in a minute I'm sure, but I couldn't read this and not reply.
1yos are haaaaard work aren't they? Does DH do his fair share? I know it's Mumsnet but fuck it, have a hug from me.

Do you get any time to yourself away from house, husband and children?

Has any medical condition been ruled out? Problems with teeth coming through?

Have you tried a rocker or a swing?

Or a door bouncer during the day?

Sooooo I’m not saying you should do this as it definitely not for everyone but my youngest was like this (I was still bfing) and at 13 months I felt like I was about to have a break down so I did the only thing left that I hadn’t done before ...... cry it out! And it worked! I always said I never would and I didn’t with my eldest but something had to give! He is now 2 and does get up through the night most nights but it’s usually only once and he goes to bed and self settles amazingly at bedtime! I do think it helped with his clingy ness through the day as well!

Do you think you may have PND?

Also have you tried white noise? I know people come along with irritating advice and when you’re exhausted it triggers the ODFO mentality but it’s worked like a dream for my DC as has co-sleeping. I don’t think my DC would have slept anywhere near as good without those two things.

Also I see you have other DC so you already know this but it does get easier eventually. How much does your DH help out? And do you have any other relatives or friends that could help out so you can have a break?

I don’t think OP has PND she’s having a hard time with little sleep- anyone would be fed up.
How’s your LOs day look- food, bottles, naps?
Can you afford a cleaner- if not regularly perhaps a one off clean to make you feel better?

This is a hard age. I found 12-18 months so difficult with my first. I hated it. He whined constantly and destroyed everything in his path. The house was a wreck. I couldn't take him to any baby groups or cafes or anything. Even if I could put him down I couldn't take my eye off him for a second. It's hard. We went on holiday when he was 15 months and I cried almost the whole time. It was awful.

It gets a bit easier. At 18m they start to get a bit of language and comprehension. You can start to work on their behaviour and interact with them properly a bit more. This grows and grows as they get older and in a year from now you'll be amazed at the little person you have chatting away and trying to do things independently.

The sleep thing is tough. I sleep trained my first at about 9 months and it made a massive difference, we had to do it a few more times over the years but he is now a great sleeper.

Regarding the house - have low standards and good/easy storage. Big boxes toys can get chucked into easily. Do as little as you can get away with.

Can you get some time to yourself for a nap, coffee out, walk etc by leaving her with DH or a grandparent? Or them taking her out?

Yes she may cry but you need a break and a rest. You can't pour from an empty cup.

Can you put her into childcare for a day each week ? It would give you time to either sleep all day / do something for yourself. Good luck .

I am in a similar position, a very clingy and high energy just one year old. He co-sleeps as flat out refuses the cot, I am on my own with him apart from the hour before bedtime. It is exhausting, it's impossible to do anything else. I don't get much help from family either (have totalled about 3 hours away from him in 14 months). I'm just waiting it out and presuming this stage won't last tooooo much longer - but yeah it's hard work and my partner doesn't seem to really understand that. Anyway, not helpful but just here to say I feel your pain!