Help! How to stop DS 2.5 wetting the bed

[DrWhy]

OK - so I know the obvious answer - put him in a nappy. We do!
He digs his hands around in his nappy and plays with his willy, OK, not nice but apparently lots of little boys do it and the HV tells me that we should ignore it and he’ll grow out of it, don’t make an issue of it. That’s all very well but he ends up pulling his willy out of the top or sides of his nappy and wetting his clothes or the bed. In the daytime we can stop him whenever we notice it and rearrange the nappy if we need to but naps and nights are a total pain, most nights he wakes up wailing with him and the bed soaking wet. So far we have tried;
Potty training - only works for daytime, had initial success but now whenever asked just says no then wets his nappy a few minutes later. It’s freezing still here and won’t solve the night problem anyway so I’m reluctant to really push it before the summer when he isn’t wearing a snowsuit out and about!
Nappy pants - these aren’t absorbant enough at the right size so we end up with a wet bed anyway.
Nappy on very tightly - gets in the leg holes anyway and it looks uncomfortable.
Vest on - always wears one, gets in the leg holes.
Sleepsuit - gets his hand in between the poppers.
Onsie- unzips and gets his hand in.
I’m considering a backwards sleepsuit (feet off) but he’ll hate it and trying to wrestle him into it and do up a dozen poppers as he screams and thrashes will be hell. Also thought about using a nappy pin to secure the zip on the onesie, not tight at his neck but a bit down on his chest, having bought some though even the ones with the click on safety covers I think he might be able to open which worries me.
What haven’t I thought of?! He’s a bright, determined, puzzle solving 2.5 year old with excellent fine motor control - I’m stumped!

Potty training could fix the night problems. Lots of children are dry at night when they are dry during the day. Not all, but lots.

Back to front sleep suit is a good idea. Use one with a zip to make it easier.

Get him to use the toilet before bed and then once he is asleep go in and make sure the nappy is secure.

I would also try and stop him putting his hands down his pants quite so much as well! It's normal for kids to do it occasionally, but it sounds like he is fiddling constantly!

Also, just explain the problem to him. Tell him what his nappy is for. Tell him that his willy needs to be pointing into his nappy. Tell him he needs to leave his nappy alone so it can catch the wee. He already knows the consequences - waking up wet and miserable!! Teach him what he needs to do to avoid that happening.

I wouldn't have coped with wet beds as I have OCD and weird issues.

I lifted both of mine out of bed at night and took to the toilet. This worked great for me.

It might not work for everyone but it worked for me.

Strangely enough the only time my daughter wet the bed was when she was around four and staying at my friend's house in their big bed and she did the mother of all wees in their bed.

My friends were lovely about it and we all helped lug the giant mattress into the garden as luckily it was summer and we soaked the mattress as best we could and let it air dry. Quite how a tiny little girl managed to wee what looked like ten gallons, we will never know.

Thanks folks.
I do explain to him every time I see him with his hands in his trousers that if he untucks he’ll get wet and uncomfortable. I think he gets it as he stops but it’s such a habit that he then goes back to doing to doing it unconsciously especially when he’s tired. I wish I had ignored the HV and pulled him up on it every time at the start. It’s obviously worst when he’s asleep or half asleep at night when I’m not there to remind him.
It sounds like we might have to push the potty training. I thought dry at night was a hormone thing and unrelated to daytime dryness. It’s going to be an uphill struggle though. I’ve put him on the toilet 3 times today - we were out all day so just each time one of us went to the loo. Plus asking regularly if he wants to go or any time i suspected he looked like he needed to go without pushing the issue. Nothing on the toilet at all, wet nappies. I just don’t know if he’s ready. It’s chucking it down with snow here at the moment and I have a 17 week old so I’m dubious about whether I’m just setting him up to fail if I really push it but can’t get him to the toilet in time because I’m feeding the baby, dealing with a nappy explosion, have to take off multiple layers etc. That’s if he gets it at all. On the other hand messing about half heartedly when he still has a nappy on is obviously pointless. it might be a couple of weeks of pain to solve the problem.
From a practical POV backwards zip up sleepsuits are a good call, I’ll see if I can find some secondhand because they tend to be more expensive than the poppered ones. I could put his onsie on backwards but I think I’d have to cut the neck as it would be too high up and cutting any of his existing Thomas ones would cause major upset, he’s very attached. I’m also trying to think of any way I can put some kind of fastening on the zip pull that he can’t undo but I can, just not sure what.
I’m not sure lifting him at night will help until he’s dry in the day as he can’t see on command on the toilet when he’s awake so I doubt he’ll manage it half asleep.
He’s currently in a cot bed so no big drama to change but DD is rapidly outgrowing the next to me and we wanted to transition him to a full single bed in advance of us needing the cot for her and I don’t much fancy changing that every night.
Urgh... might have to spend a week at home with him properly trying potty training.

Is his foreskin too tight or infected?
Plastic sheets I'm afraid. Potty train in the summer.

Night time dryness is hormone dependent, but if he's releasing the hormone now (lots of two year olds are) then daytime training will also sort nighttime. The asleep brain seems to sync up with the awake one and realise that you can't just wee whenever anymore! I would say about 70% of the children I've trained have been dry at night as soon as they were dry in the day (with no night training they just always had a dry pull up in the morning). The other 30% were not ready and still had wet pull ups. I would continue to use a pull up at night until you have a month of dry ones (at least). But if they're only dry most of the time, that's still got to be an improvement!

Having said all that.....I wouldn't train if you don't think he's ready and it's snowing and you have a baby!

Just do the backward sleepsuit and try and break the habit, move his hand away every time. You could also try putting him in a sleeping bag if they go big enough and either putting that on backwards or inside out so he can't escape!

Layer the bed with a pampers dry night pad or equivalent and a cot sheet over it, sideways in so you can tuck it down the side of the bed.

At least them when he wets the bed you can change him, remove the pad and sheet and you have a dry bed to put him back into.

Doesn’t solve the problem I know but makes it much easier to deal with.

When you move him into the new bed, double up the layers - waterproof mattress protector, sheet, waterproof sheet, normal sheet. Then when he wakes up wailing you can just take top layer of bedding off without having to actually re make the bed

Had exact same issue with my ds who'll be two end of March. It was just a phase and he's stopped now. We just had to stop drawing attention to it. Also we put a larger size nappy on back to front making sure it was above belly button. Put a vest on and a onesie back to front. Took about a month of peservering but it's only very rarely he does it now.

Dts used to take their nappies off - we resorted to back to front sleepsuits and a nappy pin in the zip of the sleeping bag. Is he still in a bag?

Backwards zipped onesies worked here for night time, DS was wetting the bed for the same reason. Potty training helped with the daytime issue of him getting his willy out - I know it's just a phase but it's a difficult one so you have my sympathies!

Thanks! Some really good ideas. I don’t think he has an infection, he understands sore and hurt and I think he’d have told us - although thinking about it I’ve no idea if he understands itchy so maybe worth checking out.
It sounds like potty training sooner rather than later is a good idea but maybe not worth the stress just now!
Thanks for the practical tips re. Bedding, they are very sensible ideas!

Oh and no he’s not in a sleeping bag anymore, he could get his arm in the armhole of that too - I forgot to put it on my list of things I’d tried!

Pay no attention to hv's. Dapoiest bunch I've come across.

You can get sleeping bags with sleeves (although they're often detachable sleeves so would need to check that incase he could get the sleeves off!)

Before you go back to potty training, have a read of the Oh Crap! potty Training menthod.
Worked for us and I’d say the crucial point is to tell not ask to use the potty.
Keep it light but firm.

Potty training in the day might help because although he will not necessarily be able to get through the night without needing a wee (the hormone bit) he might learn to wake up when he needs one, rather than wet the bed.

Sorry if you already knew that but it wasn’t very clear from previous posts so I just thought I’d say!

Oh yes, the sleeping bag with sleeves, we have one of those and used it for a while, it did work. I can’t remember why we stopped, possibly he had started unzipping it like the onesies.
I’ve heard the ‘Oh Crap’ book recommendation before, I’ll definitely get a copy.