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Sensitive question about death and what I need to do.

32 replies

Toooldtobearsed2 · 08/03/2019 21:28

The police called me tonight to tell me that a distant relative was found dead in their home last week.
I am the only surviving relative they could find, he never married, his oarents are dead and he had no siblings.
He lived in a council flat and had been dead for some time before a neighbour contacted the police.
There has been an autopsy and death was due to natural causes.

I am collecting keys from the Council on Monday to go to his flat and try to find any information I can - a will, bank details etc.,
I need to get a death certificate and tell the coroner which funeral director to release his body to.

I am absolutely lost with what needs to happen. I have no access to any money he might have - who sorts that out? How can I pick a funeral Director if I dont know how the funeral bill will be paid? What do i do with the contents of his flat? The council want it back..... i surely cannot just throw stuff away, its not mine to dispose of. What if I cleared the flat only to find that he had a will somewhere ( and how do I find that out), and he wanted everything to go to the cats home?

He lived 90 miles away, which makes everything an even bigger pain.

Really out of my depth, so if anyone has experience or knowledge, I will really appreciate some help😊

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 11/03/2019 15:43

So awful for you. You've done what you can.

Catscratchclub · 11/03/2019 15:53

Love, you have done enough Flowers light a candle for him and let that be enough.

We bought a deceased old ladies house many years ago and when we moved in, we found every thing exactly as she had left it - washing up in the sink, toothpaste on the sink the lot. It was overwhelming and emotional knowing how to deal worh someone’s personal belongings. I made a memory box of things I thought were important to her - death notices out the paper, 2 photos I found, a cross. We buried the memory box under the floorboards so she was still a part of the house. It was so hard to know how best to move forward though!

sleepyhead · 11/03/2019 15:57

Op, he's gone now. His dog is safe and being given a home. The material stuff about what happens to his body and possessions doesn't matter to him.

You've done everything that could be expected of you and can feel reassured that his dog is being looked after - that's a kind thing that has been done for him. Be kind to yourself now and let the rest go.

azulmariposa · 11/03/2019 16:05

Bless you for sorting it all out. This has some information on paying for the funeral www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/help-paying-for-a-funeral#what-happens-if-you-cant-afford-a-funeral

I think that the council can arrange it all.

Cuddlysnowleopard · 11/03/2019 16:14

Have sent a PM. Flowers

Toooldtobearsed2 · 13/03/2019 17:35

Just a final update, ending on a happier note.

I had the most wonderful Registrar to deal with, she was lovely. Advised me to go from her straight to County Hall to arrange for a council funeral to save me another 4hour round journey.
I went there but due to refurbishment, the person I needed to see was at a different site, I was given her phone number and told to ring later and she would guide me through what needed to be done.
I popped back to the flat, just as a one last look. Went into his bedroom and nearly fell over a plastic box, buried under clothes, kicking it out of the way as a result, and spotted some paper under his bed.
Pulled it out, and there was a prepaid funeral, all paid up and arranged. The undertaker was named as next of kin and was a bit put out when I rang him that no one had informed him earlier..... BUT, he can be cremated with style and i can happily hand all the crappy bits over to the next of kin bet he freaks when he sees the state of things

The best news though, is that I have just signed over one very lucky dog to a Vet and her children who had fallen in love with him and were dreading me stealing him back😁

So, that is the end of this thread, i just wanted to thank everyone for their advice - particularly Cuddlysnowleopard who went above and beyond.

OP posts:
AdaColeman · 13/03/2019 18:03

Oh I'm so glad that there was a satisfactory ending for everyone, you are relieved of all the worry, and he, poor soul, gets the funeral he planned.

Well done on dealing with a difficult situation.

Kind thoughts to you. Thanks

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