Stag do - 8 week old baby and 32 month old

[soontobefour4]

My DH has been invited on a stag weekend at the begging of June. I'm 36 weeks pregnant with DC2 due 2nd April and DC1 will be 22 months. Assuming DC2 is on time, baby will be 8 weeks but of course could only be 6 weeks if overdue.

Groom is a reasonably good friend who went on DH's stag do but we haven't seen much of him for the last couple of years - no particular reason, just drifted as people do when children come along.

Weekend is in London and we live in Cornwall. Not a lot of family support although could probably be arranged at a push.

Really busy time of year for us - my brothers wedding is the weekend before, DH will go on his local stag do mid-May although this is just a meal and a few drinks in local pub and he will have to drive, so no more than an evening out really. Week after the stag weekend is a 3 day work event where DH will have to leave very early and work late but won't have to stay over which is something.

DC1 sleeps through reliably and is generally easy going but is still a very busy toddler who needs a fair bit of keeping up with.

Would I be mad to agree to him going? I'd have no problem with him going if it wasn't for the new baby and obviously no one can predict how I'll cope with 2 under 2 but I'm wondering whether I'm bonkers for even considering that it might be doable! I'd like him to go really, I like the groom so want him to have a good weekend, and the event is something DH would really enjoy, but I can't help thinking I'm mad for even thinking it might be a good idea! Tickets for event need to be booked up ASAP so he needs to decide.

I should point out that although he thinks he ought to go and would like to go, DH will happily stay behind if I'm not feeling confident enough about going solo. Just wanted to point that out as I'm not looking for a husband bashing thread, just some opinions on whether I'm biting off more than I can chew!

Gahhh sorry!! Title should have said 22 month old!!

I think if you can get an extra pair of hands on deck, then let him go and get a break (and then you can make sure you get a similar break when the time is right, even if not for awhile). My dh was away for 5 nights when our youngest was about 3 months (older one was 5, so slightly different). I definitely needed help. Putting two to bed at that age is not easy. My mum came (from abroad!) to stay with me for the week.

I do think though that it does matter to have time away and each get a break, so it's good for him to have time to be an adult (and important for you to have time too!). But I would draft help. And maybe just make sure he is happy to pull out if anything goes pear shaped (you have mastitis or baby is really poorly with something, etc.).

I’d say you’ll do it fine. Even with a 6 week old. See if you can line up a friend to come round and play during the day. Keep meals verrrrry simple (sandwiches for you and toddler? Fish fingers etc).
I found evenings quite daunting at that stage but actually fine if you plan well in advance - maybe have a practice doing bedtime by yourself before DH goes. I always tried to lay out sleep gear and nappies for both in the bathroom already. If bottle feeding, prep bedtime bottle to take upstairs with you so it’s ready after bath. And baby doesn’t need a bath for those nights you’re by yourself - take him in and lay him on the floor whilst you bathe the toddler. If baby due a sleep, feed and pop into cot whilst you do bedtime for toddler. Even if he has a cry, if he’s fed he’ll be fine for a wee bit by himself whilst you bed down your eldest. If baby awake, all climb into your bed together or go to toddler’s room, baby can have bottle or be whilst you read toddler a story. You’ll be grand. And be deserving of a lovely rest when DH comes back!

*”or be latched on” that should have said, not be whilst

I’ve been in a similar position. When DH has been away I’ve asked for help from my mum and DH’s sis putting my toddler to bed as the baby takes longer to settle. Each time ended up being fine.
I do think it’s important for you both to have a bit of a break. I was close to asking my DH not to go but thought life really just has to carry on. Plus you can bank it and get your chance of a break another time (dh admits to thinking this way too!)
Can you ask family or a friend to stay with you to help?

Thanks all for the replies, sounds like I'm not completely bonkers! Will see what help I can line up and DH will have to understand that if for some reason all goes wrong he will have to be prepared to pull out.

I think it'll be fine, yes you might be knackered at the end, perhaps he can take the Monday after the weekend off work to give you a bit of respite. But otherwise I think it'll be fine

I had my dc 19months apart and I think it should be fine, although you'll probably be knackered after so an extra pair of hands would be useful.

One thing to bear in mind is that 6 weeks post c section I would have really struggled lifting my giant toddler everywhere all day long and could only do it a couple of times before it really hurt. He climbs everything still now at 25 months

Hopefully all goes well and you won't need to worry about that but definitely make him aware that you may need him to back out last minute.

Good luck op!

My husband has a stag do 2 months after I'm due too. I've thought it might be difficult him being away for the first time but would never tell him not to go. I don't think it's an issue.

I also hate it on here when people are so tit for tat saying if he has a weekend break you should too when he's back... that's childish. If something came up for me where I'd be away my husband would do the same for me, but I wouldn't organise it purposely just to make a point. (Not saying you would OP but I see this so much on here)

It’s not tit for tat, we’re just saying it’s important for them both to have time off. I meant “bank it” completely lightheartedly as DH and I joke about it. DH has been out loads since DC2 was born, I haven’t been out at all because in all honesty I’m too tired! But I know when DC2 is sleeping better etc and not feeding constantly I’ll definitely take some time out.

Don't worry I get exactly what you mean by me having some time off at another time - it's not tit for tat as such just being fair. Effectively he will be getting 2 nights away in a hotel with no kids, something most people would kill for when they've got 2 under 2!

Good point re c-section and giant toddler - mine is massive too! We had a chat last night and when he's found out a few more details about the weekend I'm going to see if I can ask my sister to help. If he decides to go he's going to explain to the groom from the outset that should things not go to plan he may have to pull out last minute but hopefully that won't be the case. At least that way he wouldn't be letting him down last minute.

Sounds like a good plan.

I did Sunday evening-Friday evening most weeks on my own from when DS2 was 6 weeks old and DS1 was 25 months. It lasted 6 months. Yes, my Mum visited some time, yes, i went to stay with her sometimes, and i had one amazing friend who turned up with takeaway once a month, but it is totally doable.

YABU for saying '32 month old'. Unless you're talking to a paediatrician, just say she's 2.

I haven't slept enough to divide by 12 today.

*misses the point

Oh gosh, just read the whole post. I wouldn't be up for that personally.

You might have a horror newborn or a poorly healing c-section wound or a toddler who suddenly decides to grow horns out of jealousy. Unless someone can come and live in your house with you and help 24/7 I think I'd say no.

Good luck with the pregnancy and birth!