My partners still not on board with us having a baby...

[Muzz737]

6 weeks ago I found out I’m pregnant. It most definitely wasn’t planned as we were due to get married in July but subsequently we have postponed our wedding to next year.

But sadly my partner, is finding it really hard to accept & has got really blue over the fact we’re having a baby 9 months earlier then we had perhaps planned & won’t be be having the wedding/honeymoon we planned.

I’m trying to be supportive but I’m also expierencing the first trimester symptoms of sickness, tiredness & i’m already starting to show, which I hadn’t quite expected.

I don’t know how to persuade him this is a blessing. I know so many of our friends have been trying for years & are struggling to conceive. It did take me a few weeks to get my head round it & I don’t think it has fully sunk in but I am excited about having a baby.

My partner is generally a glass half empty person, & I just don’t know how to help him change his mindset to see the positives in this situation & not dwelling on the fact it wasn’t planned.

Any suggestions / thoughts would be helpful as I’m feeling a little helpless.

Feeling helpless.

It sounds like he's still in a bit of shock, and understandably disappointed you won't be having the wedding and honeymoon you had planned. It may well be it had not become a reality to him yet, whereas for you.. being the one carrying the baby and experiencing the symptoms, it is very much a reality! Have you had your first scan yet? That may help bring it home to him

Not yet, that’s next week & we’re kind of living a double life at the minute as we’ve still got to go along with telling ppl we’re getting married this year but we’re getting inundated with questions e.g where’s your invites, what accommodation do we need to book, what are you doing the night before. All valid questions which if things were different we would both be getting very excited about the wedding & answering these questions.

Hopefully post telling ppl & the scan it will become easier for us both 😔

Why did you decide to delay it? Just curious really.

I would still go ahead with the wedding, I think it's even more important now.

Why not go ahead with wedding; just scale it back if finances are needed for baby. A small family/ close friends day and maybe a less expensive honeymoon because you might find once baby arrives there will be other things to spend on than a wedding and it might never happen.
Best of luck.

We’ve delayed it as by our original wedding date I’d be 8month pregnant & both his brothers first child & my sisters first child have been early. So we feared if we kept the date, we might miss our own wedding & also the thought of being the heavily pregnant on our wedding date in the middle of July after spending our lives savings on it, wasn’t exactly what we had imagined either.

Yes also wondering why you decided to delay? Asking because personally I would choose getting married while pregnant over having to organise and attend my wedding with a tiny baby!

Mounds like your DP needs time to get used to the fact things are happening differently to how you had planned and is disappointed to not have the wedding he was looking forward to.

Maybe you could go on a baby moon instead of a honeymoon around the original date of your wedding? You will be second trimester then too (i think!) so a great time to travel.

Depending on your views about these things, you could announce your pregnancy by sending out save the dates for your new date and include the news there. Then hopefully once you have seen baby on the scan and shared the news the excitement will kick in.

Congratulations !

Is it the fact you aren't married - sometimes people like the tradition of marrying first. If so why not have a wedding and honeymoon during the second trimester - I organised mine in 8 weeks, very doable

Ah see we cross posted. Yes I would not have been super keen on getting married at eight months pregnant either. The idea of bringing it forward and scaling it back, then big party later on, is a good one

@badg3r sadly that’s not an option as the venue we have chosen has no free dates till next year. So it’s next year or nothing.

I’m hoping once we’ve had the scan, he’ll get more positive about it, just so hard trying to persuade someone to change their mindset. As we were planning on trying a few months pre the wedding, so realistically we’ve fallen pregnant 6months early.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m devastated the way it’s happened & everything for the wedding was starting to take shape & we both were getting so excited by it all.