Friend in abusive relationship being assessed for adoption

[Blueuggboots]

I've got a work friend who is lovely but her H is physically and financially abusive to her.
I have just found out from another friend that they are being interviewed with a view to adopting.
My friend can't have children naturally and it is her greatest wish to be a mum.......
BUT you can't bring potentially already traumatised children (or any children purposely!) into an abusive marriage surely?
Would you let social services know?

If you're 💯 sure about the abuse, I'd say you have no option but to report it.

Yes I’d let them know, a child up for adoption has possibly had it tough already.

She isn’t protecting herself right now so she isn’t going to protect a child

I am a social worker and i sit on adoption panels. It is a long difficult process and designed to weed out things like this. However it is not foolproof and people are accepted as prospective adopters then in hindsight it become clear when they have a child placed with them that they should never have been accepted. It depends on people to be very honest and they will have to provide names of friends and family as references. Would these people be aware of what is going on with her? They will also explore previous relationships and his police record so thorny might throw stuff up.

I would say that you should speak to SS about what you know. They can deal with the information as they see fit. You certainly won't be overstepping the mark. The children placed for adoption are the most vulnerable and may have come from violent abusive homes. You don't want any child to be placed in that type of environment never mind a vulnerable one.

Having adopted a child myself (and have a birth child) I know how difficult it is. She cannot bring a child into that environment. It’s beyond selfish. An adopted child has so many more facets around behaviour, understanding, etc it’s just beyond unfair to bring a child into an abusive relationship. I’d hope the adoption process will wheedle this out anyway, but in your position I’d have to say something.

She needs to leave him and adopt as a single person.