Ex husband died today

[Babysharkdoodoodoodo]

Not too sure how I'm feeling really. We were a bit acrimonious when we first split 15 yrs ago but over the years we sort of got on, mainly for the sake of our ds ( now 18).

Ds told me his dad was in hospital in London, a few weeks ago, in a coma after contracting flu, which ended up as pneumonia. So he went to visit him and lost his job as a result as his arsehole company sacked him, for taking the time off. Anyway I came home from a 12 hour night shift and managed a few hours before ds came to tell me that his dad was deteriorating.
So we got to London a few hours later, but it was too late. Ds is in bits. His dad was only 50.

Anyway it's all a bit strange. The person who's been with him, said she was his partner, yet no one in the family have ever known about her. DS said his dad said she was a friend when he went down at Xmas. But NOT a girlfriend. Apparently she found him collapsed and called the ambulance. Anyway, she was been telling all his dads friends not to visit and not to contact ds. She also had a signet ring of his dads that he had to ask for today. She was wearing it! DS has had some calls tonight from his dads mates warning him about her as she is a bit strange. Turns out she has his bank card, PIN numbers, access to his online banking and has taken his new iPhone X as well. Luckily his cousin who lives in London has been helping with the paperwork and he's in the Met.

One thing that really peed me off was that she was down as his NoK, which upset my ds. The consultant didn't even know he had a son! It's almost like she found his dad vulnerable and just invented this whole story around being his life partner whilst he's been unconscious. A creepy 'While you were sleeping ' thing. My son had visited for a long weekend so I'm not sure why the staff didn't know who he was. She also told my ds that his parents hadn't bothered visiting (from the West Country) when they were there last weekend.

I'm trying not to get overly invested, but it's hard not too. We weren't married anymore but we were sort of friends again. I only spoke to him in February and he definitely didn't mention a new gf, never mind a partner. I'm just worried for ds. He was so upset! Especially after we found out he had been deteriorating since yesterday so he could have been there in time if the hospital had told him.

I'm just venting I guess.

A final really weird thing ( and probably totally outing) exH had glass eyes as he was blind from birth. She asked the nurse if she could have them! So strange!

She sounds really really odd. Is his brother in charge now? I'd check that woman out and make sure she doesnt have access. Did he have assers to speak of?

Once bank informed account will be stopped and cards cancelled along with the online banking. Hope brother checks no transactions after date of death apart from maybe direct debits or standing orders which will also be cancelled. Have seen cases where the account has been used usually with a card after someone has died.

Death at 50 is a bad deal for anyone. Scary too as I am 54!.

As for the banks what PP has said sounds best.

and lost his job as a result as his arsehole company sacked him, for taking the time off

Maybe not the best time to mention, but that might merit some investigation? If it is considered unfair dismissal there might be a time limit to make a complaint?

Good luck to you and DS

I’m sorry for you and your son.

Beware of her. My SIL’s uncle died last yr, and she was his only relative. They weren’t close but oddly enough she had begun to check in on him and on the third visit she found him dead. Afterwards a few of his neighbours tied to claim he had promised his house/tv/mountain bike/shed to them if he ever died unexpectedly. Shame they weren’t in the will. Some people are just opportunists.

Does he have a will?

Ask his family to notify banks and to change the locks on the front door and to have her removed as next of kin. Next step is to find the will and protect your son's inheritance.

There won't be any inheritance to protect. Poor as a church mouse, council house and he had term insurance to cover until ds turned 18 as did I.

Banks are being notified today as the registration's all been done. We have a copy of the doctors certificate as well.

Hell of a day yesterday. Followed by nightmares last night for both of us. Ugh.

Can you explain the odd situation to the hospital in the hope that someone can remember if your ex H put her down as NOK or she had herself added? Who will be making the funeral arrangements?

I have come across one older chap who had a secret partner for three years so I suppose it is possible. I can’t say more as it would be outing but it was hard for his grown up children to find out about (purely by accident). It makes you feel like you don’t know someone. Even harder in this case when she sounds a bit odd and you have no idea if it’s made up or not. Do you need to put a Daily Fail warning on here?

So sorry for you and your ds. Crap about his job too. He will be better off working for a kinder organisation in the future I'm sure.

There won't be any inheritance to protect. Poor as a church mouse, council house and he had term insurance to cover until ds turned 18 as did I. *

What do you think she's after then? Maybe your ex was in a loving relationship with her but had chosen not to tell anyone 🤷🏻‍♀️
If he hadn't left much behind, I can't imagine why else she'd stick around- an iPhone didn't really seem worth it.

Or maybe she's a complete weirdo! She might get off in sympathy and attention.

Of course she’s a weirdo if she wants his glass eyes ! That’ll be a flat no anyway or should be .

Does she live with him? Keeping his friends and son away and lying about visits, I’d be sitting down with her and having a talk with her to try and establish who the hell she is, but your son is probably priority now.

Yeah. Just piss off any lazy journalists. Move along. Nothing to see here.

Anyway, I met her for the first time yesterday and she did come across as a complete weirdo. Trying to insist that my son hug his dad to say goodbye. And she wouldn't leave us alone to pay our respects in peace. We went back to the ward after we had a meeting with the consultant so that ds could have a private moment. Consultant was very apologetic about not knowing who ds was, but he hadn't been told anything about the family so I felt a bit bad for him.

Went down to the coffee shop to meet and talk over stuff with his cousin and so ds could get his dads ring back. She was very much making it all about her and whilst it was good that she was by the bedside for the last few weeks, she had also been refusing visitors to other friends and family which we only just found out about and my son was really pissed off about.

A bit tragi-comedic but Aldi rang up my son whilst we were in the family room. I took the call as he was too upset to talk. Recruitment person wanting to talk about the process and she wouldnt be put off telling me, even though I did say can we talk later. I'm my sons responsible adult before anyone says about data protection issues: high functioning autism so I tend to help him when dealing with stuff like this.

Won't get anywhere with the issues in his last job as he was only there 3 months so they had every right to 'lose' him, just a bloody shitty thing to do.

Now I've got to ensure that he can go to the funeral as his dads parents (my out-laws) are making noises about the last week in March when they know that's when we're off for a holiday. Insurance won't pay out and personally I think that's too long to wait.

I just want to cry for my son. He just looks so lost and broken. His dad was a shitty husband but a good parent and a decent person. And a good friend in the last few years. He didn't deserve to go like that over the fucking flu!

The more I find out, the more I think this woman is batshit. She told the hospital she was his wife!
I can't get too involved mainly because of the distance. We're in the Midlands and they're in the south. Ds has been talking to exh's best friend and apparently he was asking advice on how to stop this woman visiting at his house. She was trying to move in by 'Stealth' and exh was trying to break free. I've told ds to stop talk to her and just communicate by text now. She has a front door key and is intending to go in on Sunday to get some stuff. So ds is on phone to his grandad as he wants to go down and help clear the house to hand back to the council. And get this key back.

It's such a mess. Exh was so vulnerable due to being blind. Hopefully grandad can freeze the bank accounts. She was saying that she had her money in there as well and that she bought furniture. No one has even heard of doing this and ds says she was wearing an engagement ring. He described it and it sounds identical to the one that I threw at exh when I found out about his affair.

Why is she doing this?

I'm trying to step back but my son is hurting and she's screwing with him as well.

So sorry, sounds awful all round.

Someone needs to call into all banks and find out the process for immediately freezing all bank accounts otherwise she can withdraw everything.

Condolences to you and DS.

I think you are all moving - understandably- slowly. Call the banks this evening now

Is she trying to claim to be a wife, or at least a fiancee, so that she can get the council house signed over to her perhaps?

As an aside though, last week in March sounds about right for the wait for a funeral. We had to wait 3 weeks recently. It’s not about being too long or them delaying it deliberately; that’s just how long the wait is

Banks have been contacted but we don't have the death certificate yet. Grandad is coming to pick up ds on Saturday which is good of him. They're going to start clearing the house at the weekend. Council have been notified as well. You can't transfer them anymore.

There are other family members on holiday that week as well so they will either have it earlier or later. DS is going out with his mates tonight so hopefully won't drink to forget too much.

Damned good argument to get the flu jab though. So many in the ward because of it.

I would insist they wait until you're back. Very unfair to schedule a funeral for a time when a son who wants to go can't.

Well the bank has been dealt with. Grandad took death cert into branch and they've frozen it. However ds has been going through his dads emails and there's an email from the bank saying password has been changed. Netflix password has been changed in the last few weeks whilst exh was in a coma.
Son is going through making sure all accounts such as amazon have decent strong passwords now and taking off the methods of payment. They were very easy to guess: names of guide dog etc so it's all being locked down and/or being closed.
They're going to the house tomorrow to start clearing as council want it back. Apparently she has a key and wants the sound system as she paid half.

She's also been posting on his Facebook page about how he died etc. A few comments on there about how people would prefer to be told rather than blarted all over sm. plus she did a death announcement before all the family had been told. I've asked ds to try to get into it to block these bizarre messages.

Ugh!

She's deranged. Your son is amazing.

Your poor boy. This sounds really hard. As if your dad dying wasn't hard enough. I hope he's doing ok. And weird for you too, you were once married to him. You must be all muddled up yourself.

Did he have a pension? I'm thinking about whether he had a nominated beneficiary on any current or previous pensions.

He might've had a pension but I'm too far to check anything. I'll ask ds to give any paperwork to his grandad

She's now quibbling about £5K worth of Bose sound system, I said it should be sold and put into the estate.
Or I may have been evil and said to ds to say to her to take the sound system as long as we never see or hear from you again.