How important is it for dcs to have tidy bedrooms?

[caitlinohara]

Ds2 (10) is unbelievably messy. He has the largest bedroom with plenty of storage so there is no real excuse, it is just the way he is and has always been. I'd like to say he doesn't care but he does say that he likes his room more when it is tidy. He just can't be bothered to pick stuff up and put it in the wash/back on the bookshelf/in drawers etc. I hate it and it drives me nuts because I feel that it shows he doesn't value his things, but is that my problem rather than his? Do you insist on tidy bedrooms or let them fester??

Let them fester, within reason.

I don't mind mess, but I won't tolerate dirt!

So, rubbish in the bin, plates and cups downstairs, laundry in the hamper, floor clear once a week so it can be hoovered.

Apart from that they can have it how they want. It pains me to look at it, but it's not a battle worth fighting!

I think you can unclench a little bit. I think it’s fine that you don’t wash clothes if they’re not in the laundry basket and they don’t let plates & cups fester etc but the rest might be better left to them to deal with.

Yeah I have given up. There is still a floor we just can't see it anymore. Although she is now missing two all important favourite books so I think tomorrow I might be heading in.

Oh god, I don't know.

My bedroom was very messy right up until I left home, and then my uni room was a tip too. My mum is a neat freak and was always upset by the state of my room but I think at some time around the age of 15 she stopped shouting at me about it, accepted that it was my room and left me to it.

I am now almost 30 and I would say I am ALMOST a tidy and organised person now. It doesn't come naturally to me at all and I have to make a huge effort to remember to tidy up as I go along.

I really don't know if it's genetic or if my parents should have tried harder to 'train' me at an early age. I kind of wish that I did as it would be a lot easier for me now. I can see my 4.5 year old doesn't make any effort at all to tidy up his things unless I absolutely insist on it. I'm not keen on reward charts etc so I don't know how I can encourage him to pick up better habits.

I think maybe every so often tell them to have a tidy- you could all do your own rooms at the same time OR go in and sit with him while he does it?
Whatever you do don’t do it for him!

I am a very untidy person so to be honest it wouldnt bother me as long as

there is no leftover food/used plates, mugs etc
valuable or breakable stuff is not left where it could get broken
dirty clothes don't end up down the side of furniture festering away.

If its just general untidiness I'd just shut the door and let them get on with it

I would go along the lines of no clothes on the floor and no food/dirty plates then accept it as it is.
Also if he breaks or damages things through messiness they don’t get replaced.
There doesn’t seem to be much correlation between tidy/untidy adults and how they were as children/what they were forced to do.

The clothes thing really pisses me off because they aren't even dirty, they could be worn again but just get left on the floor and then eventually all get shoved in the wash, grrrr...

I am not perfectly tidy myself and I can live with a bit of mess but it does get really bad and then he has the gall to get bad tempered when he can't find something.

I'm not a particularly tidy person but I used to give my DC's rooms a quick tidy once or twice a week for my own peace of mind and because I wanted them to enjoy a tidy room. When I called them down for tea I'd shout to them to bring down ALL dirty dishes.
They've all grown up to be very tidy adults. I'm still quite untidy.

Mine is 17 and you get to know what has been worn or what has been floodrobed and then put back in the wash. I fold and return it without washing, it may smell of dirty pants but that;s not my problem. Her room is hers to do what she wants with although i do ask for plates and cups to be brought down.

I was the most disgustingly messy teen, and it's had zero bearing on my life as an adult - I'm a minimalist tidy person now!

have you taught him the skills to tidy? it can be overwhelming to look at a room with all sorts of mess and know where to start. perhaps do some tidying in another room upstairs and ask him to do things one at a time - clean clothes away, rubbish in bin etc, check and encourage. perhaps with tv and a treat once done or something?

I’m messy because I’m forgetful and I get so easily distracted. I have a million things whirring and will literally have to force myself to finish a task if I want something done.

As a result I will leave piles of clothes etc everywhere because it feels almost physically difficult to be logical, tidy and ordered.

I’m sort of better but not really. Yes I prefer a tidy home but it’s hard to achieve it. I just don’t know how!

I’d stop buying him stuff bar the minimum that he needs.
Less stuff he has the less mess he can make

I think it's very important,I honestly believe that they sleep better when they're room is tidy.

We've actually found that to be true with our youngest DD11,me or my DH tend to tidy her room for her because she's disabled,she's autistic but she also has physicall disabilities.

DD15 tidys her own room but she can be a bit of a pain in the bum over it and the boys DS17(he's also autistic and has some health issues and we help him with his bedroom)DS20 and DS22 would I think honestly live like Stig of the Dump if we let them,but we don't and they know it's for they own sakes,they've all admitted that they enjoy using they're rooms more when they're tidy and they all sleep better.

I was really messy as a teen but as an adult I'm really tidy and very particular about how my house looks!

I don't think a messy room is the end of the world, nor is it indicative of an adult with no knowledge of keeping things tidy!

I have the same problem. I know make sure she has made her bed, opened her curtains, and taken down any dirty clothes and dishes. Apart from that I let it fester and give her a cheeky smile when she says she can't find whatever she is looking for

Can't stand mess/untidyness.
My kids keep their rooms tidy and they polish once a month. They're 9 and 12.

We have no food/drink upstairs rule except water. I don't wash anything that isn't in the wash basket and I leave clean clothes on a stool. Once a year I spend a whole day going through everything and cleaning everything with them and then every christmas/Easter hol spend max 2 hours just going through clothes etc. This keeps it manageable for them, still a shitheap but a manageable one.

I had a terribly messy room as a child, yet I'd tidy away elsewhere just my room was a disaster. I always liked things clean and tidy but was always too busy/preferred to do other things. I'm still like that now tbh. Not a total mess and pretty clean but I place high value on my possessions so can't agree with what you suggest in that respect.

For me it's having a busy life that does it, having little money also doesn't help (makes me want to keep hold of things in case I can't replace if necessary, makes me need to sell things - and keep hold of them til they sell - rather than bulk load charity shop).

I've heard quite often about people with not so much money becoming hoarders, I went the other way and I get stressed when things get too messy I battle with the will to rid myself of things I need to sell on to help fund lifestyle.

Do you think these things could be contributing factors?

Ds(15)s room will never win any tidy prizes, we find having easily accessible places to put things and routines helps keep on top of it. He has a swing lid rubbish bin/open topped laundry basket and uses them. He knows any food items/dishes come down before bedtime (or he'll lose the privilege to have food in his bedroom) and clean laundry (given to him in a laundry basket so it doesn't get mixed up with other clothes) must be put away and basket returned within a day or two.

He has 6 hooks on the back of his door for dressing gown, school tie, hoodies etc and a chair to hang his school trousers /jumper/ footie kit over the back of for the next day. Shoes, jackets, schoolbag stay downstairs.

He keeps his clutter on the chair or on top of his chest of drawers and off the floor. He has a full sized drawer just for general junk which gets a clear out when it gets too full..