Why is my DD wetting herself?

[PodgeBod]

And how can I make it stop

My DD is (newly) 4 and has been fully potty trained since 2 1/2. Ever since I potty trained her sister about 3 weeks ago she is continually having "accidents". I don't think they are truly accidents or based on a physical problem because she goes to pre-school 3 days a week and does not do it there, or anywhere else. She has had sleepovers at my sisters and been fine. It's happening every day or sometimes twice a day at home.

She will be playing and suddenly announces she needs to go, runs up to the toilet and then will announce she was too late. The accidents always happen in the bathroom, never on the stairs or anywhere else. If we are out she is fine to wait for the toilet, at my sisters she has to wait to be let out of a baby gate and has no problem waiting. No problems at nursery. No bedwetting.

I have tried taking away screen time for accidents but it just upset her and felt cruel. We agreed on a star chart, one for every day dry to get a reward but haven't even been able to get one star! I praise her when she remembers. Her sister isn't having accidents and isnt getting loads of attention.

I just don't know what to do!

DS went through similar at a similar age. Never wet at school only at home, usually whilst watching TV. I think he was too lazy to get up so by the time he did it was too late. I'm ashamed to say it resolved itself eventually but not before very cross words were frequently exchanged.

It could be that she sees her sister getting attention potty training and is doing it for attention. Its not unusual, this sort of thing also happens when a new baby arrives post potty training. I think they regress a bit to get your focus as the baby again

Ignore it completely, and make her sort it out herself. Remind her where her clean clothes are, and where to put her dirty clothes, otherwise don't engage with the issue. Don't tell her off, be completely and utterly disinterested in the subject of her bladder control. Find something completely different to praise her for, preferably something her sister cannot possibly do (writing some letters of her name, or something similar?)

her sister probably got a lot of "nice mummy reassurance" while the pottytraining was ongoing. It probably looked like something your DD1 would quite like to have a go at.

It is definitely a jealousy thing. My little girl was toilet trained with very few accidents. Her little sis came along a few years later and whilst she was having accidents her older sis started at the age of 4/5 and kept it up for a lot longer. Really bizarre.

Thanks for the replies, her dad had a talk with her and she finally opened up and... its jealousy! She wants us to say well done when she uses the toilet, which I can oblige to and see if it improves. I really hope so, as my bathroom now stinks.

praise especially when she goes without promoting and also get her to help with the clean up. my 4yo would use the handtowel to help wipe up the puddle before she washed her hands and took off any wet clothes.

Mine did the same- it was a cry for attention

I’ve heard before that this can be a problem that arises when you make an older sibling feel special for the things they can do that younger can’t... the younger one always catches up and robs them of their specialness again! I am already guilty of doing this with my kids it’s so ingrained.

Another idea-can she ‘help’ potty train her sister? Take her to the loo? Fetch her clean clothes as needed? Then you can praise her for helping and she still feels involved.

moreismore I really like that idea, she really takes pride in being kind and a good big sister so I can get her involved a bit.

I'm really surprised by this, I really thought that she got a lot of special love/attention I hate to think that she feels this way.

There is no perfect amount of adult attention for a child that is less than "all". They do not care about the needs of siblings, the ideal amount of attention, the only amount that will satisfy a child completely, is "all the attention"