If you divorced when your kids were small..

[mowglik]

Are you happier post divorce? Or did things go downhill after separation? Do you regret your decision? Was it ok for the kids?

my life is a million times better. The kids were relieved we finally split up. Their lives are better.

Much happier

My husband left when DS was less than a month, had a DD who was 3.5 at the time.

Reasons I was happier

• Financially - I made all the decisions
• I made all the emotional decisions
• I was never resentful of someone not pulling their weight, coz there wasn't anyone else there.

Yes - at times it was lonely.
I hated shutting the door and having no adult company until the next day.
It was sometimes tough financially. It was tough having the full burden of responsibility all the time.
My ex did not co parent ever. We did not ever get on.

My kids are now adults, and lived their whole lives just with me. I do not think that they are adversely affected by this at all. They have had other strong and capable adult male relationships in their lives. I could not have done it without my mum and stepdad though, not in a practical sense, but in an emotional one.

My 2 DDS were 4 & 6 when i left my exH - i feel like i've had two lives - one before and the one i have since my divorce 5 years ago - and i cannot imagine how i endured it for so long - I am so much happier! I think the 50/50 parenting goes a long way in helping me feel so much happier, and a new partnerand just a love for life that i never had before I was 35! Life is too special to waste it away - our DDs are really well adjusted and did so very quickly, much faster that i thought they would. The one thing that is harder is my financial situation, but i just have to be careful all the time but I dont care - i have a job, great health, 2 lovely daughters, mainly - a life chosen by me again!!!

I am happier and my life with dd is lovely. However her relationship with her father has imploded and while she knows he is an utter twat is not able to rationalise his behaviour, which has led to huge issues for her. If she never had to have contact, she wpuld be happier and I do feel guilty that I have encouraged the contact at the expense of her emotional well being. That said, i would still divorce the fuckwit every time!!

Thank you for your replies. I am considering separation and probably divorce, but I’m so concerned for my children. I know they will miss their dad so much, and will miss their home especially as he is refusing to move out.

My children are 2 and 6, I don’t want to give them a bad start but at the same time I worry that staying in a bad marriage will damage them more. Scared of regrets, maybe in 5 years time I’ll be in a worse position than I am in now, and scared of being a lone parent and going back into the workplace after having been out for 8 years.

Your replies have given me hope though, I hope I can look back and say it was the right decision and I did my best for my kids.

Split up when eldest was 3 and youngest wasn’t born . Divorced a couple of years later .
I am happy in my life now . My ex is a better dad now and we get on fine. There are tough times but we weren’t right together and I wouldn’t have been happy .

Divorced when my son was 2. I was happier. My ex was happier. He has collected DS (now 8) every weekend since then and I think it would have been more damaging if we had stayed together and let the resent fester of one person constantly not pulling their weight.

I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders when exH left. We separated when DC were 2, 3 and 4 so yes, very young. This was five years ago now and my DC are thankfully very well adjusted, no real behavioural issues etc.

I just needed to escape the miserable marriage. I was the breadwinner after going to uni for four years to become a teacher whereas ExH had zero drive, ambition or motivation to be anything other than a retail worker which he still does now fwiw. I’m not down on retail staff, we all need them but he had no desire to earn more for the sake of the family or to own a house, learn to drive, get out of debt etc etc. I drove us everywhere too and he still doesn’t drive to this day.

I made the right decision and now have a lovely DP of four years who is also a graduate and earns a similar amount to me (and drives ). I feel we are on a level with one another and he’s a better example to my DC. We have a four month old together and own a home.

ExH hasn’t moved on with his life whatsoever. He earns the same amount, still works in a shop and still doesn’t drive. He makes lots of excuses instead of just getting on with shit, I just didn’t have time for it.