I'm getting depressed again

[saxatablesalt]

I had terrible depression in my early twenties. I'm now just 30 and I feel it coming back and I'm so scared. I don't know why I feel like this. I have a wonderful husband, a healthy three year old, no financial worries, a roof over my head, a flexible job. I feel ungrateful and like I'm a shit person for feeling sad.

Just feel like I haven't done enough. Haven't travelled enough, haven't been brave enough to take risks with my career. I should be working right now (I wfh) but I've just got back from the nursery run and now lying in bed feeling so sad and I don't know why or how to fix it.

Just wanted to write it down.

I’m sorry you’re feeling depressed OP. Unfortunately depression has no rhyme or reason and even though life on paper reads as wonderful it can still affect anyone.

Go and see your GP before it gets worse.

I feel from previous experience that its pointless. Meds do nothing for me and I have already had many years of therapy.

You need to seek professional help starting with your GP, I know it’s not easy but just that step is a positive.

Maybe just talk to your GP and see what they suggest or can offer you in some way. It would be a shame to sink so low as you were before.

What does DH say?

He just wants to know how he can help when there isn't really much he can do.

Well I have made a go appt but I know what they will say.

Good, I’m glad you’ve made an appointment at least. It’s a step in the right direction. I know it’s a cliche where depression is concerned and not a quick fix solution but are you eating well? Exercising? Looking after yourself? I know those are the last thing on our mind when depression hits ( and I’m a fine one to be giving out advice because I don’t do them either ) but ime they can help.

I do eat healthily but I overeat when I feel like this as its the only thing that makes me feel better. Need to take more exercise but it's so hard to make myself do it.

Yep. I comfort eat and don’t exercise when I get low.
Depression is an illness. You don’t need a reason anymore than you need a reason to have asthma.
Medication CAN work but the right one. It’s taken me years of trial and error to find out that Prozac is the one for me. I feel so much better on it. Like me. Calmer. But not a zombie. Just human again.
I haven’t had therapy but I found some elements of CBT useful. It’s helped me find the right balance and not feel overwhelmed.
Good luck at the GP OP.

Yes I understand the eating because it makes you feel a bit better. But then you feel worse because you eaten too much!

Maybe get out for a walk this morning, a bit of fresh air is good.

When’s your appointment?

Dear OP you post resonates with me and you have my sympathies. Take heart that this depressive episode may not last that long. I can feel mine coming and have to grit my teeth and ride it out. I too reach for food (carbs) as it eases it a bit. I allow myself to wallow a bit and watch telly rather than do my work or house jobs (I work from home). For me it is hormonal so it does pass. I make myself get outside barefoot in my garden to feel the earth. I realise this sounds woooo but it helps me! I also force myself to list things that are beautiful e.g. bird in the sky, sunshine, my DD's kindness - whatever.
This isn't a recipe for or cure for depression, and it isn’t meant to make you feel guilty about what you do have etc. it is simply a few things that can help.
I wish you well xx